I see you popping up on others threads, but not here. How are you doing? What are you doing?
Best wishes
Hello roist...great to hear from you.
I am doing well. Just taking things a day at a time with a stumble here and there. I am daily working on the things that one should do to live life...enjoy life... and learn in life.
My popping in is not so well received of late as perhaps I am a different leg of my journey than those I want to share with. I have found support in other corners that teach me, support me and lend me strength when I stumble.
How are you doing my friend? How are you progressing?
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SH, I hope you don't think everyone believes you're over-intellectualizing or too cerebral. You're doing great and hope to hear more about your journey and growth.
Let me tell you this, there is no such thing as too cerebral. If there was poor old V brain cell would have been kicked out long ago.
Analysis and reality help much more than you know, delivered with a good heart and kindness much more so.
Your sitch is a tough one, as your W decompensates and rages, I tell you kindly how you handle this with dignity and fortitude is impressive. Such a journey to self is bound to be long and arduous. Others along the road some ahead and some behind relate in different ways. How you are growing and what you do is like a lighthouse for others and they yearn to know.
In posting to others you also do yourself a favour, you build your knowledge and consolidate your thoughts, there us pay it forward and get it back.
Just saying....
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you 100383 and Vanilla... I know in my heart that I am who I am and "cerebral" is my curse...or as i like to think of it a blessing...a blessing that I am continuing trying to learn how to use for good and benefit.
Sara my dear Sara...perhaps you are projecting a bit in your perception... You contine to ask me to speak in a "my voice"...my dear friend, I am doing so...Perhaps there is something that you would like for me to share that can benefit...please feel free to let me know what that is and I am here for you.
Thank you for the continued support from all of you.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Yesterday was...it was...a deeper darker place than I thought possible. I believed that I had prepared myself for the day...the fight of what I knew would be a challenge for me. I have believed that I had experienced the lowest sense of loneliness and sadness already...
Watching my daughters drive away early Christmas morning demonstrated to me that there is sill more pain to experience...more pain to endure...
But...
I am still here today... I am still pushing forward... I am still learning lessons that will make me stronger...
This song really hit home with me as I heard it this morning.
Originally Posted By: Blue October Song FEAR
All my life Been running from a pain in me A feeling I don't understand Holding me down
So rain on me Underwater All I am, getting harder A heavy weight I carry around
Today I don't have to fall apart I don't have to be afraid I don't have to let the damage Consume me, My shadow see through me
'Cause fear in itself Will reel you in and spit you out Over and over again Believe in yourself And you will walk Now, fear in itself Will use you up and break you down Like you were never enough Yeah, I used to fall, now I get back up.
I'm up here I'm looking at the way down there I'm staring through the I don't care It's staring back at me
The beauty is I'm learning how to face my beast Starting now to find some peace Set myself free, yeah
Today I don't have to fall apart I don't have to be afraid I don't have to let the damage consume me My shadow see through me
'Cause fear in itself Will reel you in and spit you out Over and over again Believe in yourself And you will walk And now, fear in itself Will use you up and break you down Like you were never enough I used to fall but now I get back up
I'm moving on Oh God just move on
Today I don't have to fall apart I don't have to be afraid Get back up Get up
Feel it, fear, wow And now fear, fear in itself can use you up And then breaks you down You're never enough And I used to fall
Breathe Ask for more If you're bitter still Ask him to help you carry on
Thank you to those few guardian angels and dear friends that checked in with me yesterday as I hid from the world to numb the pain. Your kindness and compasion helped me endure the challenge and the pain. You know who you are...you teach me lessons that I am comprehending and will apply. You provide me with strength and wisdom to get up and continue the fight.
I have spoken and shared much on the topic of Fear in my time here... Fear is a formidable foe...but in my belief it is one that we are meant to conquer in this life...one that we are meant to push through so that we can unleash our potential in this universe...one that is throwing many blows into my face and heart as I try and shake it off and stand back up. I am bruised... I am cut... I am exhausted... I have tears on my cheek... I have a hole in my heart... I still choose to not be bitter I choose to ask him for strength to carry on.
But I am still here... I am still standing...
For those that read this...keep pushing on. Do not let fear...that is all it is...hold you back.
May you experience peace and joy this holiday season.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Thanks for posting. Sorry for your pain. Most of us are probably feeling a lot right now...
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
Whoa SH, I wish I could take some pain away for you. Instead I will make dua (prayer) that a serenity settles over your heart and and joy to seep into your soul. You are the representative of grace and dignity, your daughters are truly blessed to have them as your father.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
SH, I was in a scramble trying to find your most recent posts yesterday (Christmas) and I failed to do so. Seriously, I looked, just didn't find it. You are not on a different leg of your journey than those you want to share with, you are on your own journey. Having been out of here for almost a month, I'm not familiar with what you reference above, but I know this...you fight hard my friend. And in part of that fight, you still look after others. Not all of those helped by the Wolverine agreed with his methods, but at the end of the day, they still got helped.
You had your kids on the eve and the day. I go my son at 10am on the day. The eve was my first one not with my "family" and while it was not without slight disappointment, it was truly fine, because I had me. I really mean that, I had me, and I was cool with that; happy in the fact that I am comfortable being alone and being with just me. That said, I would have loved to have had my son, but the time I did have with him, well we owned it.
My fear was: control, anger, and not knowing how to know what I want. My fear was my coping mechanisms for those things vacating. Fear is a general term my friend, and in this we should be specific. You are a comic nerd, so I'm safe with this quote... "If it bleeds we can kill it." Swartzeneggar in Predator. Point being, once identified how to remove it, you can make a strategy. What is the name of your fear?, because you are correct, we were meant to conquer or we were meant to cower - there are only two choices.
“If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.” George Orwell, 1984. One of my favorite books. If you have read it, you might recall the lovers were tortured to the point by their worst fears where they turned each other in. Their fears were identified, and they were used against them Best as I can tell from my readings, you ain't turned in sht, bub. You are the real deal. [snikt!].
Laughing to myself as you laugh now, you knew what snikt! meant, freakin' nerd dude. Ha. Keep up your effort. I stand beside you.
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
You dont have to feel sorry for any emotions that you feel. You are entitled to your feelings. It will be quite humanely impossible not to feel what you're feeling unless you're some coldblooded creature.
Now what is that they say in merchant of venice? 'If you prick us, do we not bleed?' I knew my Shakespeare will come in useful one day but I always thought the dude could have written in less convoluted language.
This is your journey, SH. The only way out is through. Your journey will definitely look different from mine (but that's really because you won't take up poledancing and I don't have the guts to skydive) but we will arrive at where we are supposed to be, if we keep on keeping on.
Lots of love, dear friend.
You know where to put out the katniss/dory call if you need me.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Per your question in my thread, what are your goals and maybe more importantly, what are your plans?
- m and ww in 30s - s4 - m 11 yrs, t12 -ilybinilwy ~5/16 + request for OM - bd 7/16, confirm ea and strongly suspected pa - 9/16 ww claimed to have broken contact with om
