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Bonjour Rouky. I have missed you so much. I had to take a little break from here. I have reached a pretty good place with everything. My health is much improved and I am starting to feel very confident about it. While I have issues that my doctors continue to monitor I certainly feel much better. Most of my weight has returned and my efforts in the gym are paying off. I have a hard body these days and I am stronger than I have ever been. My sister bumped into me at Christmas and said wow you have a hard butt. We laughed and I showed her my muscles. As for my love life, I am still trying to get divorced. I really have no idea where it is all going but I know there is no way in h311 I will ever take her back. An interesting development though is that STBXW has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Can anyone say Karma? Maybe OM will take a $h!t on her during her treatment like she did to me. The frustrating thing is that I feel sorry for her while she felt only disdain for me when I was so sick. My main concern is for S15. He seems fine with it but of course it has to be affecting him. He is such a beautiful person however and is putting all of his efforts into his violin and his school work. I wonder if he will break at some point. If he can continue on this trajectory you will hear about him some day as he is very good. I think of you often Rouky and our little affair I will never forget your kindness and how many times you picked me up and made me feel loved. I am still not dating anyone although I have many opportunities. You were supposed to come to Indiana to see me! It is so amazing to be single at this point in my life. So much has changed in fifteen years. All this internet and cell phones.........I am very thankful for the advice of my therapist about waiting for a year to date anyone. I highly recommend it to all newly separated lovers. I have so much clarity about my relationship with STBXW and as I have previously stated I have this incredibly powerful paternal aspect to my personality and I have to be very guarded when it comes to ladies who are looking for a father figure. To put it simply it is hard to send a forty year old to her room without supper. And younger women can be very impressionable.
Rouky I will spend some time catching up on you as I had to step back from all of the pain of your situation. I want desperately for you to be happy and for your children to be healthy but like you I connect so deeply to emotion that it can be very taxing. I promised you that I would never leave you though and I am here praying for you always. I love you and I miss you and I will be waiting for you to find your way across the pond............
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Well if you're coming to Indiana you have to have dinner & a drink with me too!
I hope you're doing well and you had a wonderful Christmas. What did the kids get you?
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I can't tell you how much it made my day to wake up and hear from you Shotgun and Twinmom. I'm definitely starting to save to come and see you both. It will be the French invasion !
While back home my sister took the kids away to buy me a perfume and a book. In a way I'm blessed that H still acknowledges me as he never got anything from his first partner. It's sad to say and admit it but at one point I wanted my kids to hate him for what he did, but he is their father. At the moment he is good with them (probably something he'd have never been able to do with me as he knew I'd always be there). It's a shame as I still believe he has goodness in him and we could have lived a beautiful life. On the other hand if BD hadn't happened I'd never have been forced to look deep inside me and realised how negative I was/ still am but less.
So what are my plans? I have removed myself from dating websites as I know I'm not ready. My hardest work this coming year is to challenge my mind and heart. Challenge my heart by transforming my love for H to a sibling love, and to trust my heart that everything will work out in the end. My biggest challenge this coming year is dealing with my mind. I can't believe how much negativity is ingrained within me, now I can see how I have been toxic for H and in a way I can't blame him for leaving me. Although I don't agree on how it has been done. I know that as long as I don't deal with my mind I'll carry on to attract the wrong partner.
It's funny but it feels like for some reasons I have put some mental walls that prevent me from letting go and enjoying life. If one of you here would ask me what my dreams are, I can honestly say that I don't know and THIS what I need to discover. What does Rouky want in her life? What are her dreams?
Last edited by job; 01/01/1707:04 AM. Reason: Added link to new thread
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.