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A Message from Michele
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Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Huddy] #2714292
11/04/16 01:55 PM
11/04/16 01:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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NDY  Offline
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Posts: 1,458
Originally Posted By: Huddy


I'll still be reading some threads and I keep in contact with NDY (hey, we only live 45 miles apart) but for now, I'm just weighing up my future plans.


As the two year marker looms this doesn't surprise me. It's pretty amazing how accurate all the info the vets have.

You know how to get hold of me mate.

Py, sorry things are so cruddy for you man. You sound, well bitter. Please don't take that the wrong way. It's just how I read it. If we are all honest with ourselves there is still a bit of letting go to happen.

Peace


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: NDY] #2714345
11/04/16 08:18 PM
11/04/16 08:18 PM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,014
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Pyrite Offline
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Pyrite  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,014
hi guys,

Kids are great. Eldest (nearly 6) is debating with W to spend more time here. Over a year I have them 40% of the time. During school term it is only 5 nights/fortnight. 7 nights in one hit without the kids feels like forever - even for a grown up. Selfishly, the arrangement works out really well for me in terms of managing work etc. The time on my own is pretty [censored] though..

Huddy - being "detrimental to newbies" is exactly what I am talking about, why (one reason) that I avoid posting. The other is that it has at least for me been therapeutic to get away from.

Which is absolutely why I sound bitter and To be honest - I am. Thanks for pointing it out friends smile

I was going to explain/explore further here, but I think I might start a thread elsewhere. I'll post links when/if I do. As always at least writing this stuff down is good for me even if not helpful to anyone else.

-Py


M: 6 T: 12
Kids: 2,4
BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015
EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Pyrite] #2714633
11/07/16 03:57 AM
11/07/16 03:57 AM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
R
roist Offline
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roist  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
Please stop worrying about what newbies think. Come here and get out whatever you need to get out. Worst case scenario they get a reality check. Best case scenario it helps you and some others.

Py,iI remember you posting long ago and you had good words to offer others. I am sure you could help others again, but maybe concentrate on you for now. Why not start another thread? Take time away from here if you need to. It will be here later.

Huddy. Best of luck formulating you next steps. Take the time you need.

Best wishes


R 24 years
M 13 years
S10 & S12
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Huddy] #2715736
11/13/16 02:23 AM
11/13/16 02:23 AM
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
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Huddy Offline OP
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Huddy  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
I have to be careful how I take some of the information from my youngest D. She will soon be 7, but she is very wise and doesn't miss a lot.

Firstly, we were talking about Christmas. D said that Mummy has said that that she's taking them to her parents for Christmas. That pushed my buttons immediately and I told my D that wasn'tgoing to happen. She may have been mixed up, so I'm going to leave that one for now. My W always hated us having Christmas with them, so that will be some shock if she does.

Secondly, D told me that Mummy had bought them presents for after school on Friday. Nothing wrong with that, but D told me they were because Mummy was sorry that she shouted st us so badly on Thursday night and that Mummy wasn't getting any sleep and that she was really tired. D told me that both of them couldn't get to sleep on Thursday night (that's the kids) and Mummy had spent the night on the setee instead of her bed. I made sure that my W hadn't been physical towards them, and decided that I will say nothing.

I had noticed that W was really 'red eyed' on Tuesday and looked liked she'd been crying. Depression phase? Don't know, but I will need to keep an eye on the kids right now to make sure that W doesn't do anything stupid.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Huddy] #2715796
11/13/16 02:43 PM
11/13/16 02:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,561
Massachusetts
B
bttrfly Online
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bttrfly  Online
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Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 3,561
Massachusetts
Huddy pls don't worry affecting others aversely with your posts. People will take what they need and leave the rest. You also need to post to get it out for yourself. I wish you peace in the midst of all this turmoil. {{{ hugs }}}


M 20+ T25+
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"Whoever knows me can never fall - For I am love, which the vast expanse of evil can never still." -Hildegard of Bingen
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: bttrfly] #2717839
11/26/16 01:27 PM
11/26/16 01:27 PM
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
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Huddy Offline OP
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Huddy  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
UK (Scotland)
Been away from the board for a couple of weeks, but have been keeping in touch with my bud NDY!

Been concentrating on the kids and myself these past two weeks. First off, a couple of weeks ago, me and the kids went to the Museum. They loved in and we sent a 'whats app' to W with fun pictures. She replied instantly as to where we were and said she loved the photos. Again, she picked the kids up later that day and looked tired and drawn.

The next weekend was me time and I was off to the Lake District. Funny, where ever I've lived, I've never been more than two hours away, but never been. Had a great time just travelling around. It was bitter cold and the mountain tops already had a good covering of snow.

This week, the kids came over for tea on Tuesday. I hadn't seen or spoke to W for a week and she was in a foul mood. My SD came too and my D said 'great, the whole family is together'. I was met off the train and everyone walked to my flat. I thought W would just leave, but she came in to the flat. My internet is still in her name (when we left out house, it was easier to host it at my flat, otherwise there would have been fees to pay) and the bill had come out of her bank. Normally this isn't a problem as I just give her the money as soon as I see her. However, I got a spew attack of epic proportions. I kind of snapped and just told her to 'have a day off'. I know I should have validated, but I was trying to juggle putting the heating on, getting the kids settled and trying to take my coat off and I was just under attack. In the end, I just started talking to SD and ignored W's spew. SD was unimpressed with W and was making angry faces at her when they left. Two and a half hours later and it was like another person had come to pick them back up.

Today we've been to the huge Christmas fayre in Edinburgh. The kids loved it, I'm skint and I sent some more 'what's app' stuff to W. Job/Jack suggested this would be good earlier this year. Again, she responded instantly and asked if the kids were wrapped up warm (they were - it's freezing here).

So, all is as OK as it cold be. We're fast approaching a year of actual separation (the first eight months were in house) and I don't see any reconnection with me. I am being all I can be, but it would be churlish to think that I'm not thinking 'why?'. Maybe she just really doesn't find me 'physically attractive anymore' (her opening gambit on wanting to bail on our M) and I should just call quits and move off. Without blowing my trumpet, I'm a good Dad and can look after myself; I'm litter trained (!) and can even run myself a bath! I don't to wake up in a years' time and start feeling I'm too old to look for another companion.

Anyway, that's me for now - thanks for reading.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Huddy] #2717848
11/26/16 02:38 PM
11/26/16 02:38 PM
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
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srt Offline
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Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 167
glad to hear you are still doing well, chin up smile
my sitch hasn't moved on in any meaningful way - W still seems to be avoiding and keen to escape - you are in good company here


M 10, T 18
M: 36, W: 35, D: 8, S: 6
EA: Oct 12
ILYBINILWY: Jan 15
BD: Aug 15
Separated: Sep 15
Miss you: Jun 16
Aug 16: Dating (!)
Oct 16: Selfishness returns...
currently: disgusted
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: srt] #2717887
11/27/16 02:00 AM
11/27/16 02:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline
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Posts: 5,301
Hi Huddy, I'm glad to hear you and the kids have been doing some nice things - good for you.

Can any of us really say we are being all that we can be? Aren't we all works in progress? What are your goals for yourself in coming months (independent of your marriage and W?)

In your sitch Huddy, I would love to see your broaden your definition of success beyond reconciling with your W to surviving and then thriving yourself (ie: genuinely living a meaningful and happy life, regardless of your marital situation...)

it's not easy to get there - but it is possible....and it involves truly letting go of her and the M and focusing on you...externally and internally..

Hope you enjoy the rest of the weekend Huddy :)X


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: Sotto] #2717963
11/27/16 04:28 PM
11/27/16 04:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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NDY Offline
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NDY  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
Detach
Detach

And...

Detach.

Walk your own path dude. She knows where to find you if she wants. That is if
You're still waiting.

You know what I mean.

Peace


Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
Re: In the UK - PT21 feeling stuck [Re: NDY] #2718009
11/28/16 01:11 AM
11/28/16 01:11 AM
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
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roist Offline
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,647
Huddy

You could have the body of Arnold Shwartzeneggar,the brain of Heinstein, the humour of Billy Connolly and the charm of Sean Conneryall wrapped up in her favourite package and still she could be the same with you.

She has certain filters on at the moment that ensure you are not appealing to her. This may be specific to you but it is all about HER. So regardless of how you package yourself, she cannot see past it HER filters.

So yes be the best that you can be but not expecting it to; influence her positively. Maybe those filters will fade in time and she will really see YOU but who knows how long that could take IF it ever happens.

You have been here a good while now. Your situation is not likely to change in the immediate future.So why not make the rest of this year all about you and the kids. I know with the festive season approaching that may be difficult but rise to the challenge.Then reassess in the new year.

Best wishes


R 24 years
M 13 years
S10 & S12
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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