Things got real last night with wife. Other man is out of the picture completely now. Still doing 180's and very little contact and sticking very close to sandis rules. She said "He's a lying piece of [censored]" and has told me she is awake now. I'm not putting all hope in this just yet. But that's where we are at the moment.
I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I talk to much to her. Detaching is hard but I have to do it!!!
It's very hard, there's no sugar-coating it. I'm trying to detach, and, from the outside, it probably looks like I'm detached, but inside, I know I'm not.
I think about my W a lot, I want to know where she is at all times, but I know I can't. I don't ask her anything, and I don't tell her anything, but, inside I'm a mess.
I'm just hoping my inside feelings match my outward appearance, because it is so damn hard.
Keep fighting brother, we're pulling for you.
M 40 W 40 S 2.5 Together 13 years Married 11 years BD: 09/23/16 PA, then long Distance EA confirmed 9/30/16 Exposed A to OM's W 10/7/16 A ended 10/10/16
And pulling for you brother. I agree. I'm a mess inside too. I give her her space and then mess it up by texting or talking to her. We live in separate rooms and I know the A is over but being the best person while I get the silent treatment is the worst part. I'm hoping improvements start to be noticed at some point. Keep up the good fight nutts. Thanks for the reply.
Hang in there Dfresh. Keep in mind if what she says is true she just ended it with OM. She isn't going to jump right back into a R with you now. She still needs time to get him out of her system only then will she be able to see the great catch you are becoming. Follow Sandis rules. For the last week I have stayed off of all social media and have t snooped once. Guess what? Best week I've had in 5 months. On top of that she has been texting and having regular convos with me everyday where only 2 weeks ago we wouldn't speak at all. We are also in seperate rooms but it is a process that can't be rushed. The good news is you have even more time for you to GAL and become the Man U want to be.
Me:42 W:37 M:18 T:23 3S: 4,7,10 EA 6/16 ILYBNILWY 7/16 9/16 separate BR 10/16 Discernment Counseling She's moving out 1/17
I agree billyho. Thank you. She agreed to let me have her phone passcode and I haven't looked through it and I don't plan on it like you. Yes. It's been since she had apparently texted or talked to him because he was lying to her about who he was and it was confirmed by friends of his and ours who have known him along time that most every story he fooled her with was a lie. I know not to believe everything they say and it's all on actions. I do have to back away and gal for sure. Thanks for the reply.
Hey Dfresh, I want you to keep in mind that she still had an affair. Meaning that no matter what happens there is a lot of work to be done if your marriage is to be saved. Just because she and OM are on the outs does not mean that the work doesn't need to be done. It actually means there is more to it now. One thing you do not want to establish with her is that it is okay to do what she did and that you will be right there waiting when she ends it. DB is about correcting what led to the EA/PA as much as it is about dealing with the hurt. You have to figure out how come your marriage allowed for such behavior and why it was even a thought to be unfaithful.
For now, focus on yourself and finding your center. Again, get back to who you were and what makes you tick. In the end you will either be a better man on your own, or a better man in a marriage because you have gotten yourself better/healthier.
Ian thanks for the post. Yes there is a lot of work to be done not only with me but are whole relationship. The dynamics have changed and changed a lot. She said this morning that I need to be working on me and that there is a lot of work that needs to be done but she needs to see change in me. It's like she is a natural at this or she's been doing some reading of her own. I won't just sweep this under the rug. When we get to a point of sincerity and reconnecting, if she chooses that to happen counseling will be on the table. But for right now I'm giving her space and focusing on me and what makes me happy. Thanks again.
