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A Message from Michele
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Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Cadet] #2702827
09/08/16 12:30 AM
09/08/16 12:30 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
D
Duvae Offline OP
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Duvae  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
Uhm.... Yeah, my youngest child fished the book out from it's hiding place and waved it in front of my wife one afternoon when I wasn't there. I had only gotten about halfway, up to the point where Michelle is explaining how everything works and why were at this point. Which honestly made more sense than the explanations my wife kept feeding me. That part of the book got me out of the constantly asking questions. I told her this snd that the main advice seems to be to GAL and take care of yourself first and foremost. Add in a sprinkle of genuine frustration because... I know it's stupid, but I was halfway expecting a magical mystery quick fix. Anyway, she got an annoyed questioning look in her eyes and seemed to let it go.

If she finds out about me posting on these forums I will tell her that it feels feels like a support group for the LBS. And I know I will be genuine when I say that. One thing my wife values VERY highly is honesty.

Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Duvae] #2702828
09/08/16 12:53 AM
09/08/16 12:53 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,037
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,037
NY
Originally Posted By: Duvae
One thing my wife values VERY highly is honesty.

That may have been true in the past however I would stick with the advice of believing NOTHING she says and half of what she does.


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Cadet] #2702829
09/08/16 01:34 AM
09/08/16 01:34 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
D
Duvae Offline OP
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Duvae  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
Well, yes. She may not or may not value honesty anymore. But my explanation if she finds this forum on my phone is still valid. To be avoided, sure. But unless she looks at my phone when I sleep. (I get up earlier and go to bed later and take care of the kids when they cry at night.)

...

...

I need sleep.

Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Cadet] #2702831
09/08/16 02:08 AM
09/08/16 02:08 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
D
Duvae Offline OP
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Duvae  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
Since at least 4 years back:
Laundry
Dishes
Vacuuming
Putting kids to bed
Taking kids to school/preschool
Picking kids up from preschool/school
Buying groceries

Now:
Cooking
Cleaning bathroom
Watering her plants as needed (asked to before, finally getting the hang of it, may be overwatering)
Painting walls

It's going to be interesting to hear how she handles having the kids in her friends "nice apartment with crystal and glass things everywhere"
I can see why she didn't want to bring our youngest there.
At least her friend and I agree that either both kids go there or neither does.
I'm just not convinced that she, her friend and the kids can handle a full week over there.

There's also an OM of sorts now. By the descriptions of his actions it feels like he wants to be a supportive friend and nothing more.

Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Duvae] #2702852
09/08/16 06:09 AM
09/08/16 06:09 AM
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 3,724
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doodler Offline
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Originally Posted By: Duvae
There's also an OM of sorts now. By the descriptions of his actions it feels like he wants to be a supportive friend and nothing more.


Um yeah, he'll be supportive. He's probably been around longer than you think.

Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: doodler] #2702862
09/08/16 06:51 AM
09/08/16 06:51 AM
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 443
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cheesyt Offline
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Posts: 443
Hej! Sorry you are here! welcome to the board.


Me(W): 29 EXW: 30
T: 6 M: 2
SD: 10
BD: 04/2016
PS: 04/2016
W officially "seeing" someone 09/2016
W filed 03/2017
Officially Divorced 11/2017
Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: cheesyt] #2702892
09/08/16 08:45 AM
09/08/16 08:45 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
West is the best
A
Altair Offline
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Altair  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 433
West is the best
Hi Hej,
sorry you are here. For me, all of those reasons, all of those things you did wrong, etc.-- it's all a reinvention of history. That's what people who feel guilty do-- blame you for all that you did wrong. My advice to you is not to argue about those re-invented history points! I would think these untrue points are bothering you, but they aren't the problem.


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
M 6yr
BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: doodler] #2703012
09/08/16 07:53 PM
09/08/16 07:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
Originally Posted By: doodler
Originally Posted By: Duvae
There's also an OM of sorts now. By the descriptions of his actions it feels like he wants to be a supportive friend and nothing more.


Um yeah, he'll be supportive. He's probably been around longer than you think.



I agree here. He's been around longer than you think and she's most likely been using him as a sounding board for all her "issues" with the marriage. Be careful, supportive for her is not necessarily in the marriage's best interest.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Duvae] #2703040
09/09/16 04:01 AM
09/09/16 04:01 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
D
Duvae Offline OP
New Member
Duvae  Offline OP
New Member
D
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
Well, now my parents and all our friends in the church have been at her request. She is going to make an announcement this weekend on facebook (requesting that people respect "our" descision. Told her that if she changed the "our" to my I'd tell them) and didn't want any shocked outcries replies and emails afterwards.

Of course, if any of these people that she cares about reply in any fashion she has told me that she'll turn the phone off or delete the reply as appropriate.
(')_(')
Why then does she care that they know from me in a caring fashion?
Oh well it is done.

Re: I love you, but I'm not in love with you. [Re: Cadet] #2703041
09/09/16 04:04 AM
09/09/16 04:04 AM
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
D
Duvae Offline OP
New Member
Duvae  Offline OP
New Member
D
Joined: Aug 2016
Posts: 17
Landskrona, sweden
Since at least 4 years back:
Laundry
Dishes
Vacuuming
Putting kids to bed
Taking kids to school/preschool
Picking kids up from preschool/school
Buying groceries

Now:
Cooking
Cleaning bathroom
Watering her plants as needed (asked to before, finally getting the hang of it, may be overwatering)
Painting walls

It's going to be interesting to hear how she handles having the kids in her friends "nice apartment with crystal and glass things everywhere"
I can see why she didn't want to bring our youngest there.
At least her friend and I agree that either both kids go there or neither does.
I'm just not convinced that she, her friend and the kids can handle a full week over there.

There's also an OM of sorts now. By the descriptions of his actions it feels like he wants to be a supportive friend and nothing more.

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