CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: Jefe] #2703059
09/09/16 05:23 AM
09/09/16 05:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Jefe! I was just thinking about you earlier this week. And after I had, somewhere I was out and saw the letters JEFE as part of a larger word but that really stood out. How are you? Have you posted an update somewhere? I will have to go on a treasure hunt.

I'm fine, I like my new job, my kids are doing well, I hang out with friends, I date. This weekend I'm going on a cruise to celebrate a friend's 50th. I'm looking forward to it.

Great hearing from you, Jefe, tell me more!



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2704681
09/16/16 12:30 PM
09/16/16 12:30 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Hi everyone. I feel compelled to post an update but really have nothing to say. Maybe that's when you know that you've moved on, that life is the way it's supposed to be. Maybe I'm there.

My weekend in the Bahamas was wonderful, I'm grateful for this group of friends who are willing to accept me as I am. I had a date with a man who decided on the drive home that we lived too far apart. I attended my youngest daughter's back to school night, I joined a new gym, and I my car needs a new battery. All things so extremely normal and every day that if I hadn't bled my life story on these pages the past two years it would never occur to me to write them down.

I'm not ready to made a dramatic exit, yet, but know that if I don't post often, its because things are going well. Weekend love to all my DB friends.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2704685
09/16/16 12:41 PM
09/16/16 12:41 PM
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
MrBond Offline
Member
MrBond  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Great to hear from you Sunny. For the newbies, maybe you can describe how interactions are with your X. Glad you're doing well.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: MrBond] #2704709
09/16/16 01:29 PM
09/16/16 01:29 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Hi Mr Bond! It's been a while since I've seen you around.

I'm happy to describe my interactions with my X (otherwise known as Mr. P for Mr. Perfect). I feel I'm a little unusual in this area.

For those of you that don't know my story, BD was in April of 2014, but we continued to live together seven months after that. We both played along so well, including going on some family vacations, that our kids didn't know anything was amiss. Mr. P finally moved out in November 2104. Before he moved out, I drafted up a separation agreement (non-legal) outlining expectations of the separation, financial, child sharing, dating (there was an OW), social, and set a time for us to come together for a formal discussion, instead of leaving the S open-ended. We both agreed to it, and we both played by the rules. I don't often see this done, but I feel like it was critical to the relationship we have now. He knew I didn't want him to go, but he knew I chose to let him without a lot of drama. In return he upheld his end of the bargain--we kept our finances the same, I didn't have to worry about paying the bills; he maintained our agreed-up child sharing from the beginning (mostly); he didn't flaunt his OW in front of our children or our mutual friends; he didn't speak poorly of me in public. I spelled these things out ahead of time, and I give him credit for following them.

We extended the separation beyond the initial period, but in the end decided to divorce. He knew it wasn't what I wanted, but he was dead-set on it and I decided to let go as gracefully as I could. We chose a collaborative divorce process, started in August 2015 and ended with a signed agreement in December 2015. We waited until the next tax year to file, and everything was final in March 2016, just after our 26th anniversary.

Mr. P and I are friendly, but not friends. We parent together very well, we generally see eye to eye on kid issues, we always did. He comes to my house for holidays, but we don't socialize outside the family. Today I called him to ask a question about his work field of expertise, last week he let me know a piece of news about a woman from the church I used to attend. He still uses my house as his mailing address, and last week he made a simple fix to a toilet when he was dropping off our daughter.

It's not all peaches and cream, this summer we clashed about a family vacation, and sometimes I have to bite my tongue really hard. But I choose to overlook the small stuff, and call him out as gently as I can on the things I can't overlook. I know he's doing the best he can with me and my quirks.

I don't ask him who he's dating, he doesn't ask me, I don't know if he's out of town if it doesn't change the child sharing schedule, and he doesn't know why I went to Ft. Worth a few months ago. I found out he got a new car when he pulled into the driveway with it, and I didn't ask him his opinion on my new rug. We stay out of each other's personal lives, we stay out of each other's financial lives.

There was a point that I really wanted to be friends with this man, thought that a relationship I'd had since I was 22 was worth hanging on to in some form or fashion. I've let go of that idea for now, he doesn't seem to want it, and it's not worth losing sleep wondering why. I can't change the why anymore than I could change why he wanted a D.

I'm very aware that Mr. P deserves at least half the credit for this peaceful existence between us. He doesn't spew at me, doesn't try to alienate the kids, hasn't turned the in-laws against me. Labug told me once that Mr. P was a lousy H but would make a good X. She was right. I think I'm a good X, too.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2704934
09/17/16 07:33 PM
09/17/16 07:33 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
Z
Zues126 Offline
Member
Zues126  Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
You really handled this well from start to finish. Pretty amazing Sunny. I'll never understand Mr. P. It must have been one heck of a messy closet wink

Glad you had a good trip. Thanks for posting.


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: Zues126] #2705012
09/18/16 06:18 AM
09/18/16 06:18 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Maybell Offline
Member
Maybell  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
I wish I had your grace, SunnyB.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2705152
09/18/16 10:00 PM
09/18/16 10:00 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
Member
Jefe  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,102
Dallas, TX
Originally Posted By: SunnyB

I don't ask him who he's dating, he doesn't ask me, I don't know if he's out of town if it doesn't change the child sharing schedule, and he doesn't know why I went to Ft. Worth a few months ago. I found out he got a new car when he pulled into the driveway with it, and I didn't ask him his opinion on my new rug. We stay out of each other's personal lives, we stay out of each other's financial lives.


I'm glad you are steady and solid. And, honestly, I'm glad you two aren't really friends. He doesn't deserve a friend as good as you.


How dare you come to Ft Worth and me not know about it. ;-)


I haven't really posted an update anywhere. Maybe I should.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: Jefe] #2705502
09/20/16 01:57 PM
09/20/16 01:57 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Thank you Zues and Maybell. I'm so glad you both are part of my tribe. smile

I've noticed a tendency in myself (and others here) to automatically assume the worst of our Xs. Yesterday I asked Mr P to swap a weekend, he said no. My instant conclusion was that he denied me just to be a pain. As we talked more, I saw that he had legitimate plans, certainly his right on his free weekend. Luckily, I didn't express my wrong conclusion to him, but that's something I'll have to work on a little more.

Jefe, yes, please update.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2707909
10/03/16 10:29 AM
10/03/16 10:29 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Hi everyone! I have almost nothing to say, I'm just not ready to drop off the back of the thread yet, so I'm posting. Life is steady and stable, I'm spending time with my kids, with my friends. Work is fine. I took a deliberate break from dating for a couple of weeks, but I haven't given up by any means. Two of my three kiddos have October birthdays, and I have a trip to Chicago planned in about a month. Life moves forward, slowly, steadily, calmly. For those of you in turmoil, hang in there, it's possible. Something better is on the way.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Sunny Days Ahead [Re: SunnyB] #2709019
10/08/16 09:24 AM
10/08/16 09:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
Z
Zues126 Offline
Member
Zues126  Offline
Member
Z
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,708
Hi Sunny. I don't have much to say either. Isn't that wonderful? Thanks for dropping in, I'll do the same soon. Have a good weekend!


Me:38 XW:38
T:11 years M:8 years
Kids: S14, D11, D7
BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Page 2 of 11 1 2 3 4 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004