Taking my first sip of the water

[SH_]

Yes my friend let us know.
You are in my prayers today.
Today is the perfect day to take the ever important first step towards healing so you can become the man you are meant to be.

[ATPeace]

Hi

So I went to my IC session today and we talked a bit about parenting older children and how important it is to get a set of house rules this stone area that W and I have been having some pretty big issues and this has been leaving a lot of resentment in the house.

Then I told her that I keep spireling and I was worried about the future and that my life revolved ashe suggested that it is the Unknown the uncertainty having been with wife since leaving h school she said so much of my focus has been on the marriage and she too said i need ro help myself focus more on me.mso nothing that I have heard many many times

I am exhausted not sleeping well so for now I need to sleep

Will catch up tomorrow

[Sotto]

Sounds like a useful first session with your IC. When is your next one planned for? It's good that you talked about You and also about you as a parent - ie: little about your W.

So then, she like so many others is encouraging you to focus more on you. Can you identify three key things about yourself that you would like to work on?

Maybe if you can list them here, it is is going to help you focus and move forwards?

Hope you have a nice weekend my friend :-)

[sandi2]

Maybe you could suggest to the counselor that you know what you need to, but you need the mechanics of how to do it.

[ATPeace]

So next session is booked in for a couple of weeks time I did ask if I could see her weekly but she said bi weekly gives me time to work in the things we work on

The things that I would like to work in and see change would be

I) my weight I need to get this I really do even tho it was never an issue during our marriage I would feel so much better if I lost weight I should do this for my health the ways I plan to tackle this is join a slimming club and keep working out at the gym and with my personal trainer

2) to try and stop over thinking things

3) to start playing tennis again and make new friends

Thank you my friends and yes sandi I will suggest this to the counciler for next time

I am feeling better happier I will become the change

Ghost

[ATPeace]

So things have been surprisingly good at home W and I are getting along very well not having relationship conversations is defiantly the way to go forward yes there will be a time when this happens but not now

So a question,does anone know how much outside influence has in a partners decision to remai separated

I feel that my W would not come back to the relationship because her friends who know may think she is weak

I think that our eldest daughter has in the past seen how unhappy my wife was and she may want us to remain separated so would my W think that this is another factor in remaining on,the path to separation

What makes someone reinvest into something that has left them feeling hurt and resentful for years

Probably overthinking again just when things are going better I just want to push the process

I on the other hand have been feeling much more emotionally stable and I realise there is much work to be done

W and I did have a chat because things have been hard at home the children have been pushing boundaries and we spoke about this we have to set up some house rules and my W shared with me that one of the things that she sees has not changed is me not thinking for myself and taking the initiative she feels everything is left for her to do so I believe that it is important for me to address this as she has made this very clear to me

Thank you guys

[SH_]

Hi

So I went to my IC session today and we talked a bit about parenting older children and how important it is to get a set of house rules this stone area that W and I have been having some pretty big issues and this has been leaving a lot of resentment in the house.

Then I told her that I keep spireling and I was worried about the future and that my life revolved ashe suggested that it is the Unknown the uncertainty having been with wife since leaving h school she said so much of my focus has been on the marriage and she too said i need ro help myself focus more on me.mso nothing that I have heard many many times

I am exhausted not sleeping well so for now I need to sleep

Will catch up tomorrow

Hi Ghost,

What kind of IC are you seeing?
I ask as I perceive your IC is a marriage/relationship therapist.
I was seeing the same, until it came up, that if I needed assistance for things outside of that, that I would need to seek an IC with expertise in the needed area.
Your session sounds to have been focused on relationship aspect still.
That may not benefit with your spiraling and other person issues.

I encourage that you speak with your MD and ask for a reference.

Please google Guide to Psychiatry and Counseling and check the webMD info among other bits of info.

I still read your last posts as just a repeat of your over 1 years worth of posts.
I don't want to sound doom and gloom, but your 2 posts after your session are just a lot of the same.

First one you are down as the IC session was under whelming for you and then your next post was upbeat because your W and you seem to be getting along yesterday.

And then you list the same goals you have listed for the past year and you ask "silly" questions about how someone may reinvest after years of resentment.
I say this is silly as the answers we can give you are the same as you have received for over a year and read in DB.

So things have been surprisingly good at home W and I are getting along very well not having relationship conversations is defiantly the way to go forward yes there will be a time when this happens but not now

So a question,does anone know how much outside influence has in a partners decision to remai separated

I feel that my W would not come back to the relationship because her friends who know may think she is weak

I think that our eldest daughter has in the past seen how unhappy my wife was and she may want us to remain separated so would my W think that this is another factor in remaining on,the path to separation

What makes someone reinvest into something that has left them feeling hurt and resentful for years

Probably overthinking again just when things are going better I just want to push the process

I on the other hand have been feeling much more emotionally stable and I realise there is much work to be done

W and I did have a chat because things have been hard at home the children have been pushing boundaries and we spoke about this we have to set up some house rules and my W shared with me that one of the things that she sees has not changed is me not thinking for myself and taking the initiative she feels everything is left for her to do so I believe that it is important for me to address this as she has made this very clear to me

Thank you guys

G, c'mon now. Things are not surprisingly good all of a sudden and you know this. Just 4 days ago you write how it is all over and the only way out is to move.

I am not trying to be harsh, but you need to see the harsh reality of things if you are ever going to get moving forward.

You know the rule that is shared here for all the LBS about believing nothing that the WAS/WS says and only half of what they do?

Do you know that the same rule applies for the WAW/WW as it relates to what the LBS says and does?

They do not believe anything you say and only half of what you do.
Ghost, you are not doing anything to change, and all of your talking is simply that. It is just empty talk.

I will work on my weight
I will give my W more space to live the life that she wants to live
I will be the best dad possible

I need to accept that my W may choose to meet other guys and that this is a choice
I want to show my W a new ghost and I will do this

Do you know how many times you have posted this in the past year?
What have you actually done to follow through on any of these commitments and actually show your W that you will change.

My friend, I don't want to become a WAF someday for you(Walk away friend), but I can honestly see what the challenge and stress is for your W.
I am guessing that she has tried to express this to you in a number of ways, but you are not understanding what you need to do.

Desperate measure for desperate times.
She is still living with you.
Go do something to help your cause and do it now.

Go see a professional that can help you with your circling thoughts. your inability to commit and any other mental and emotional challenges that you require professional help for.

Ghost.
I fear time is running short for you as you have had years of knowing that things were going down the wrong road.
You need guidance and you need to understand all that is DB and DR, but you must change first.

MWD speaks to to WAW and tells them to give the LBH a chance once they have that come to Jesus moment at the BD.
She says this because she says that people can change and in her experience she has seen some wonderful changes......

Are you going to put in what it takes to change my dear friend?

I am sorry if this stings, but I desperately want to see you succeed.
You know.
Horse
Water
Drink?
Do what you must do......

[ATPeace]

Hi SH

So I just want to be clear and get some clarity

Ok so the harsh reality is she has made the decision to leave our marriage and she told me at the beginning that she would not change her mind

One year has passed and she is still living in the house and has made no efforts to move out or sell the house

I have had numerous conversations in the past and every time it leaves her feeling upset

You say you fear time is running out for me and this is what I need to understand are you saying that I need to be the one to say to her we need to sell the house and I need to move on rather than it comming from her or is it I just need too do more and change myself more and,not push for separate houses

Horse water drink ....do what must be done.

I am feeling what you are saying is let go of the marriage and do things for myself change myself find someone else if that is,what I want to happen save myself stop working on saving or trying to rebuild ...would I be correct and yes you can hit me with a 2x4

Thank you

[sandi2]

I am feeling what you are saying is let go of the marriage and do things for myself change myself find someone else if that is,what I want to happen save myself stop working on saving or trying to rebuild ...would I be correct and yes you can hit me with a 2x4

That's the message you got from reading SH's post?

[vise82]

Hey AP,

You are too focused on what your W is doing or not doing still.

If she wants the house to sell it can only happen if you agree also. You have more control of this sitch then you think. Just enjoy your time in house and work on you. Do stuff for you and your kids. All decisions are based on what you want/need to be the guy that a fool would leave. Do stuff that allows you to be the best Dad ever. You have stuck it out for a while now, over a year, no one would think less of you if you gave what W is asking if that is what you want to do.

Also can you try to answer your own questions in your posts, then we can give our input. I think you will find that doing that will give you some confidence in your decision making.