Re: Just a Vanilla Change 32

[annab74]

V...are you still fighting that nasty pneumonia? You need to get better, lady!!

[Vanilla]

Thank you Joe anD Anna.

I feel a bit of a fraud over here in Surviving the Big D.

Maybe I made my move too soon, in optimistic mode.

Aged ma has pancreatic cancer and it is likely the beginning of the end now, luckily she doesn't remember although she has been told. Aged pa wants her home and that may happen with lots of caveats.

I am very low myself, fungus lung is a difficult condition and my mood is very low. No movement on the Fins with the Giggalo and he is still pretending that he isn't living with RIT (Maggotroni2).

I have been in tears a great deal just recently, things seem stuck and not moving much. My Fins are so dire and I may go under soon.

A long and difficult convo with aged pa who is very concerned that his little girl (V!) has lost her joy in life. Aged pa was comparing the photos from 5 years ago at the 60 anniversary. I was goofing with aged pa and very happy, it's aged pa favourite photo of pa and V. It made me cry that I am this bloated sad creature these days who is so tearful and afraid. I act as if, and aged pa sees straight though it.

I think this is the lowest I have been in a very long time. Abuse damages and a High Conflict D is costly and damaging.

I am still no contact with the Giggalo although he still gets to me without even trying.

The weight isn't shifting, I sleep only 4 to 5 hours a night and I am lacking energy. Yes it is tough although I think I can cope and I know it's down to me. It's me that is in control of me.

Somehow I find myself falling short.

Mari

[Joe46]

Oh V!! Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. You are definitely not a fraud over here. Takes time and patience and lots of prayers!! You are such a strong lady!! You will get through just fine!! Good days and bad days!! I have had some days where I was completely down. Thank goodness I have the tools now to get my self out of that negative thinking and back on the positive track!! Let go and Let God!!!

[job]

Vanilla,
I am so sorry that you are feeling very low and things are moving very slowly for you. No, you aren't a fraud and you can post wherever you want to and get support from all of us.

I'm sorry about your ma's condition and maybe your pa feels it is for the best to allow her to come home and live out her days in the comfort of her own home and surroundings.

I'm so sorry that your lung condition isn't improving quicker. Things always look worse when we are feeling under the weather. Have you spoken to your lawyer about the Fins and the Divorce? Maybe it's time to start pushing for these things to happen a bit (that is, if you are up to it).

Please take care of yourself. I know things look bleak at the moment, but I'm hoping and praying that the light at the end of tunnel will be there soon for you.

[Georgiabelle]

V,

I'm sorry things are difficult right now. Please take care of yourself. Sending you a hug!

[annab74]

V...the forum is "surviving" the Big D. That means it's a work in progress--not that it's all over and done with. We all have our ups and downs.

I think you have to give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel and not beat yourself up over it. It has to be horribly stressful dealing with a terminally sick parent and personal health issues at the same time you're going through a divorce. Any of those situations alone are enough to knock someone off their feet...much less having to do it all at once.

It just takes time.

"Healing comes in waves
and maybe today
the wave hits the rocks.

and that's ok,
that's ok darling

you are still healing
you are still healing."

If you need to talk, you know where to find me.

[ATPeace]

Vanilla, I have found you took a little searching

I have posted on my thread a post of yours that I came across in SH s thread and it describes my W and potentially how she is feeling to a T

I know I should not mind read but I believe that my W is not a WW I believe she is a WAW I have a couple of questions would you mind popping over to my thread I do not want to fill your thread.

Hugs to you my friend,

Ghost x

[Painter]

(((((((M)))))))

I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your mum. And how hard on your dad. He sounds like an amazing and loving man.

You will feel better. This is temporary. Just hang on to that thought.

[Dawn70]

(((((V))))))

So sorry that you are feeling so low both mentally and physically. And sorry about your ma as well. V, if I have learned one thing in my time on these boards, you are one of the strongest people I have ever come across. You are tough, you are strong, you are fearless. I have no doubt this low point will come to an end, and hopefully soon.

As for not "belonging" here, V, you are an inspiration wherever you are. It took me awhile to make the move to this forum too but it just made me realize when reading other stories on newcomers that my journey was on a whole different track than theirs. I was on the downside of mine while they are just beginning. I think wherever you are, V, you shine and you give such great advice that you belong on all the forums you want to be on.

I once worked with a lady who used to tell me if we touch just one person in our lives....truly touch them....we have done a great thing. I dare say, Lady V, that YOU have touched way more than 1 and probably more than you will ever know.

Much love, lady...from me and Molly both.

[JksD]

V,
I am so sorry to hear that things are not well with your ma.

I pray that your fins won't drag out much longer and that your xh will soon be totally out of your life.

Please take care of your health!