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Joined: Oct 2014
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I have moved home to Surviving the Big D.

My time in Newcombers has come to an end. My life is more of the ordinary things and life events around a D, such as fins.

During my time in Newcombers I decided to post to a Newcomber a week, someone whose story involved pain and distress. I could not cope with more. Some never responded, others moved on and some became part of my tribe. I will be posting as much as I can for those in seriously abusive situations, sadly I know a little of those and for those who are struggling with compulsion and addiction.

My stay in Newcombers has been a very long one- 2 years plus the 6 months I lurked. I move straight to Surviving the big D with no detours. Whilst xWH is lost in MLC, he has probably been there in denial for a very long time, longer than our R. He may have an undiagnosed personality disorder. His circus and his monkeys. I am not waiting or holding hope for R.

My M is done and whilst I am very sad and I still love xWH on some level. I recognise it's finished and I have made sure there is no way back. I expect at some stage the destructive force that is xWH will come back into my life looking to retarget me for resources. My mantra stands " I will not be abused" and that is in any way.

I am NC with xWH and have been so since 2 May 2015. It has helped although still he manages to trigger me.

The current activities include hacking, uploading inappropriate pictures to Facebook, smear campaigns, threatening to sue me, accusing me of theft, writing inappropriate letters to my L.

Living with a Russian Italian Tramp in Italy whilst pretending to be in the UK. A woman who trawls the expensive golf hotels of Europe looking for male companionship with money. (Short straw with xWH then, wonder if she has guessed yet?).

A man who is going to sue me for every penny he paid into our joint account for Bills because he thinks he paid too much.

Conspiring with an ex-client to defraud me. Setting me up with fake dating profiles in crazy parts of the world I have never been or ever expect to go to.

However I no longer live in fear and clever nephew is going to live with me here at the big house.

I am beginning to heal and this is my world. I am lonely sometimes and I prefer it to the destruction of xWH.

I like peace and prosperity in my life. I am a gentle empathetic soul. I was before xWH known as attractive and I lost that part of me. I am finding the scented powerful Vanilla instead of the plain Vanilla I was when I came here.

I have a long term respiratory condition I call fungus lung, my new part personality. 15 lbs of excess weight from steroids and I don't sleep very much. I trigger at the slightest thing and suffer from complex PTSD. My fins are in a mess. I no longer tread water though, I am swiming against the tide.

For all that this journey has been one of enormous learning and growth for me and as I arrive at the first staging post on my Everest I know I have begun this climb with enormously powerful allies. A harder climb is ahead of me and I will need wonderful sage advice.


V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Oct 2014
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Previous posts

last post last thread in Newcombers

all posts by Vanilla

abuse resource threads with Zelda

Every 10 threads there is a new name

Threads 1 to 10 early days, awakening, struggling with abuse, in house S

Threads 10 to 20 the split, aftermath, antics, triggers and destruction, depression

Threads 20 to 30 standing still, realisations deep dark, NC and complex PTSD, raw hurting and learning

Threads 30 and 31 transitions, putting the D together, D games then D

All of the above in Newcombers

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
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Welcome to the neighborhood, V! You'll find the support you need here, but without the intensity of Newcomers. Glad you are here, consider this a virtual cake on your front porch. Others in the welcoming committee will be along shortly. smile



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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Hi V!
I thought I smelled something gorgeous and alluring in the neighbourhood.

wink


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Welcome V, I'm sure like many of us you didn't join the forum expecting to come to this part of it. However, we get to a point in our sitches where it feels like the right place for us. The subjects touch on healing and perhaps dating after D - and going on with life as a newly single person.

In your sitch, there is still a little mud to be waded through, but the other side of the river is in sight and you will soon be on solid ground again.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Lady V, welcome and so happy to see you. I followed you religiously on newcomers and always found your posts, your advice, your wisdom to be just what I needed. You are a dear lady and while I'm not happy you are here, as you are D now, I'm glad you are here for the gracious wonder that you add to every "room" you are in. You are a wonderful soul, indeed, and I'm glad you are moving on.

I understand the lonely thing. I have bouts of that as well. I have been having one this week, in fact. But, I know ultimately, life is more peaceful on this side of D because drama, hurt and anger are gone. Much love to you, V. And thank you for being my inspiration.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Such a powerful post V. I have followed you since I have joined this forum. Not a place I'd like to see you as you are such an inspirational womani wish you all the best in the new chapter of your life on the other side.

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Warning if you are steamy, don't read.


Relaxing nicely and just as I think health is on the up, I find fungus lung is now fungus gut.

Infection is now in my large colon and I look like I am 12 months pregnant, bloated and uncomfortable. Back on the anti fungal again and water tablets. Doctor says it's because I am coughing up the gunk from my lungs and must have gone through my stem. Proves it's not gone yet although mass in my lungs is only 25% of previously. But everything is like warm tar.

Not allowed to exercise or drink alcohol. Misery.

Sorry if you guys are squeamy, it helps and I feel very sorry for self.

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah.

Here we go again.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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System not stem!

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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job Offline
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I hope that you feel better soon.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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