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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Nov 2013
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It sounds like you have found peace. I'm glad to hear that. I still can't NC my ex due to coparenting but just being D is peaceful.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
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I think about you often dearest GG

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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So another change of seasons and babies are around the corner.
One foal this year, as winter doesn't want to leave I'm glad it's now not due for another couple of months.

Xh2 continues to send messages I need to contact him and go see him. Via third parties, like um nope. I have reached that point where really it's not worth my time I feel nothing but Indifference. Which the ic said is actually the opposite of love. Go figure
The fact he whined about me paying his legal because he wants to be right and have another whine. Maybe I should have sent him cheese to have with his whine! wink grin

I'm not sure what he thinks he has to gain. Playing stupid games.
He seems to still think he has power which is odd, but each to their own crazed ideas I guess.

Once things are done what real power would he have?
And who the bloody hell cares?

I can't help now feeling some sympathy for his mental health which is obviously mlc odd.
No more or no less than those sad folks you see with tea cosies on their head or complaining of the voices or aliens.
The ow woman is known " as that one xh2 is with! "
So she known as his appendage sad for her too. With no rights or Identity I remeber now that so clearly, and it feels great to have left that behind.

Me I now just seem to have money, always in my wallet, unlike before when it used to walk. I never have to phrase things to frame them in acceptable and appropriate ways.
It's just nice to be free of the rules to breathe and not worry.
Next holiday is booked a cruise again and I cannot wait. I'm not dreading it, I'm exicited and the before and after contrast is so stark even now.

I know the decision wasn't mine and early on I didn't agree but boy he did me a huge huge favour. He gave me so many gifts, he didn't realise.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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So it seems xh2 is claiming my acihievements as his own. crazy grin

He seems much more mentally ill than I ever thought and a few friends have said they came away thinking he was a drug user. It's all very very odd. The new soul mate has been described by a few as a shim. Which Is odd, at one point I sort of had this feeling xh could have been gay.

His life seeems a jumble of made up stories and replaying of times past and others stories and lives. So maybe one of my gut feelings of mlc might have been on the money. It's hard to wish him any harm but I don't really want any part of that crazy.

By contrast life is peaceful, things are moving forwards just in a normal way. The lack of daily drama, the lack of sleep deprivation and gaslighting is just so nice. However I do find any slight threat of old stitches replaying out , I still get hackles. I don't like being in the triangle and often people place you there. I need to get better at staying out.

I find I still want to help and to fix if I'm not careful, and need to stand back more at times. I need to learn to be asked or invited to help. I guess I'm a work in progress too.

My other big area to work on is making plans and working thru to the end. I need to do more long range plans, for the farm and where I want it to go.

The other big area, is boundaries and sticking to them. I need to stay the course when I decided something. Not allow another's selfish stuff to set the agenda in my world.


Last edited by job; 10/29/17 03:42 AM. Reason: Added spacing between paragraphs

M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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So a couple of things but life is just so peaceful as a rule.

Reading the above post, shows me sometimes I'm more insightful than I feel at most hard points in relationships not just romantic ones. I've had to stand up a few times setting boundaries recently, most just in interactions that aren't romantic.

It is making me shake my head the number of people who try to threaten and push by calling you names or using labels designed to gain the upper hand. To make you behave in a certain way to gain advantage it's just seen as a normal and to a lessor degree I would have seen it as normal before. Now days it makes me just step back more,

Mutual friends of xh2 keep trying to bring info now of all times. Mostly of how well $ wise the xh2 and ow are doing how they are building a huge Mc mansion in a coastal location big $ to buy land and big $ to Bulid. How wonderfull the ow is and just to try and re write my version even tho they didn't live it...

Or how ss is so well off now he's bought land in an expensive location, I just don't wish them harm but just don't want to be in that triangle.

Thank goodness I haven't had to even remotely see or deal with either xh2 or ow. I did however cross his path, first time in ages. Think cars passing in the night...
which in some respect just made me laugh, there is no more fear or even sadness. I still feel same way that who could not just feel sorry for the mental health mess that is xh2 mind.

I've delt with a sort of bully at work, but it's not working because part of bulling is they don't listen and react to your setting of boundaries. The fact I've set them however regardless of how the bully acts makes me feel better. These days I can accept that the onus is on the bully who thinks they are helpful, to change and that may never happen.

And tbh I'm really ok with that when u wouldn't have been in the past, it would have festered. Now days I say it then I'm done.

Me thinks that's a

Huge victory for me right there.

I feel looking back I'm getting better, at deal with my side, I don't allow that being drawn in. Well sometimes I fail others tho I'm capable of stepping away.

The wonky lamb has returned and has been living under the clothes line, that will make v laugh. He's now decided he's dog again since his sheep mates have moved on. New ones willl move in soon, but for now he's driving me spare leaving sheep marbles to step in while hanging up the washing. wink grin

And we've had a cold snap so this week the whole winter prep starts. Wood for fires and hay for horses.

I have decided I really like peace and normal.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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GG and Wonky Lamb!

My favourite duo. The nights I worried about Wonky Lamb making it through. Not surprised he believes he is a dog, because he knows he is one. Just not a lap dog.

Sweet lovely GG, how I wished we could have met IRL. I can never tell you enough how important you were in keeping my sanity and having thread parties back in the day.

Those awful days of dealing with abuse when it seemed invisible, funny how it's easier to spot these days especially in others who bully and manipulate.

I wish you every sunshine and joy that life can bring plus a working insemination kit. I am so pleased that life is restful.

Are you with bf, and how are you coping with WH, is it all finished?

I do hope so, unlike mine which haunts me like a ghost in the back garden.

I just want freedom and for the G to go away preferably to Antarctica, meet a lovely walrus and just go. Unsure if he still with the BIT, who knows? He seems to bad penny frequently. It is as it is.

I suspect from time to time these glitter balls of doom will cross our paths. Such is the land of Meh and Neh.

S seems to becoming grown up. That must be pleasing after his previous unexpected behaviour issues.

Know you have an extra special place in my heart.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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The wonky lamb and his mate went out with 400 mates in the big paddocks.
Seemly she had become lost or absorbed into the mob, so when the sheep left I was left with a lone sheep. Wonky lamb. Soon he will have a new bunch of sheep as mates but now while we wait he got no mates hence he's making us the humans and the dog s his family.

The bf is around he's found a few but as is the way around here they dry up. No way he has 2 part time jobs which Mean he's got some stable income for now. And decent hours so he can start making plans,

It's almost winter and it very dry so hay and wood for fires is now the focus at home.
I've got some projects to start and it bugs me sometimes how hard it is. Never having the right tools, but it happens Evuntally.

S has still been not so great to have about. So I have been ramping up the boundaries. He's telling people how I hate him and have cut him off, which is certainly not the case.
He's decided to sing from the victim sheet. Mainly Becasue last time he wanted me to drop everything and write him a resume. He has a job but wants something else.

I refused to take time off from my job or stay up late to write him one or find a job. He's now not sleaking to me, although that doesn't extend to coming to the house to take things, mostly his own things but stil notice and mentioning it would be a bit more polite.


Know I also now quite by accident that the most likely reason the xh2 pick the ow, is she almost earns twice what I do. A stupid job add on fb passed by my news feed with her as the contact giving a price for the salary. Given she's the top of the tree, I'm guessing she earns a bit more but even still. It would be almost double.

The d stuff was done a while ago, but like I said he keeps claiming what I did in my life was him. I get somthings are joint but yeah good luck, trying to be me.
I might be the person you thought I should have been, but I'm not the useless waste. Of space you abused me for being.

And I had to use a slew jacket this week, a had a lady Rock up to work to abuse me over something she some how imagined I said.. right.
She was angry and using word salad she tryed to tell me I was embarised and cowardly.
I just stood there completely unaffected, feeling bad for her. Shouting out where anyone could hear making a fool of her self. The boss came down and moved her along.

I will be interested to See how long before she comes back around pretending it didn't happen. There was a time which seems so long ago I would have told her some home truths, I would have put her in her place well and truely. Most people would call that standing up for ones self. My view of standing up is different now, I just stated what I said, I didn't engage in her projection. Then the boss moved her along.

I felt powerful, and it didn't matter what she thought go figure,


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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AD the narc that gave me spray over something she made up come around work and was hiding behind another person, she almost jumped out saying "hello" being all sweetness and light. sick sick

I almost had to choke back the snark who wanted to make vomiting noises, or a smart arse comment! grin

I did just let it slide, not worth the drama. Like really how childish...

So now it's been suggested the fact bf and me don't fight or argue is a drama, my take is neither of us can be bothered.

It's not that we don't disagree but there seems to be no need to fight over that meaningless crap we both had before. I guess the whole statement of it's not how much or the sorts of conflict but how they are handled that does make all the difference.

I tend to state things and then let it go... I get my releases and I think in a non threatening way...


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 8,855
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Fart and walk away.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,118
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Ha ha she was just so

crazy like it never happened. Stupid woman. She will know I want nil more to do with her. Just not yet, on my terms.

She will know, and who cares.... I won't be treated like a whipping boy to be
Abused Over nothing.

So these days I see people freaking and coming up with things to make their life hard, like catastrophising! All that worry, the narc taught me the lessson well. Who cares?

Detach detach detach but be loving and honest which narcs don't. It sets us apart.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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