Collin, you could be my brother from another... I'm behind you in the timeline, but very similar in my sitch with W and inability to handle it. I pull back, try to get a life and do my own thing - she throws me a bone, I lap it up... boom, spew, arguments, S talk. Plus, WWs seem to like stopping you working on yourself. They're nice, we do what we think are acts of service (in reality we're just being their servant, we respond, but it is just pursuit and it means we don't get off the roller coaster.
I know what I'm doing wrong, I'm just on the journey to get the balls to do what's right. I walk the same beam, I've walked on many eggshells over the years. Listen to the vets. If you can act on what they say, so much the better I'm hoping I'll be there soon.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
ok...a new update. she's still moved out. but i feel like today maybe she said something that shows her hand a little bit. i'm just not freaking smart enough read it. so, i need help from the pros. we've been texting each other all day (i'm so tired of texting now). one part of her text said:
"I KNOW you are sorry. I KNOW you have changed. It's NOT however about YOU. It's about me (her) being damaged."
I feel like the answer is somewhere in there screaming at me. Do ya'll have any input?
I'll post more later. Just when she said that I was like I have GOT to go post this to see what ya'll thought.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
The answer is to drop the rope. Detach. Get your own life and get out of hers. It says it right in your signature: "want space". That's what she's "screaming" at you.
Give that to her. Emotionally and physically. But more importantly, give it to yourself. Is this life working for you in any way, shape or form? I would say no, based on the posts I just read. So start making your life work FOR YOU and let her do what she needs to do on her journey. If she comes back and meets you on yours, great. If not, then you'll be where you need to be to jump off into the next part of your life, much happier than you are now.
Start by stepping way, way back on the texting. What are you trying to accomplish with that? Let her start to feel what it's like if she doesn't get her own pad, her own life AND you at her beck and call all the time.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)