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collin Offline OP
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The past couple nights W has stayed here. It's crazy how you can take something for granted. The past couple days I realized how much I enjoy holding her at night and waking up next to her. I didn't appreciate it then as much as I do now.

Sorry for my quietness, but things are going well now and I am just savoring each moment. She still hasn't moved back home yet. But, I'm just being optimistic.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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Collin:

I wanted to let you know that I have been praying for you everyday as I promised. You asked me to pray for your W heart to soften. I've scanned your posts and it looks like that is happening. Is that true? Are our prayers being answered?


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
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srt Offline
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any progress Collin? You haven't updated us in a while.


M 10, T 18
M: 36, W: 35, D: 8, S: 6
EA: Oct 12
ILYBINILWY: Jan 15
BD: Aug 15
Separated: Sep 15
Miss you: Jun 16
Aug 16: Dating (!)
Oct 16: Selfishness returns...
currently: disgusted
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collin Offline OP
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So, I've been quiet the past few months. No real reason. Just...life.

Things are up and down. She'll stay at the house some, sometimes for a couple nights, sometimes for a week or so. Then randomly she'll go back to her apt and my world comes crashing down. It really came down monday night when she said she was going to go back over there to sleep and it just hit me hard. I panicked and it led to an argument. I know it shouldn't of, but it did. Now, I guess the best thing for me to do is to really back off? Right?

I know what my problem is...in my mind we're still "married" in reality we're separated. I just don't know how to separate the two. I don't know how to look at her and not see my wife. I don't know what to do really.

She keeps on saying that she felt alone for the past 5 years (thus the reason we are in this position) and she has given up. So how does one reignite the flame?

It feels so good to be writing back on here. It's kind of therapeutic like just getting it off my chest.

Anyways, hope you all had a merry christmas.

Oh, and within the past few months she's started to question her Christianity and belief in God. So, that's another thing all together...


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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Originally Posted By: collin
So how does one reignite the flame?


Gasoline and matches?

In my opinion, if she comes and goes as she pleases, then she's cake eating. I think cutting her off completely and moving on with your life is the only real option you have.

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Seriously - go back and reread your threads. Nothing has changed. You still haven't given her a chance to miss you. And without that, there's no incentive for her to change her path.

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collin Offline OP
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So W and I have had a few talks. Some are better than others. Some are great and some are horrible. Yesterday she said her and one of her (girl) friends were talking and said it was like PTSD. Her first marriage was so rough and then our marriage was rough, that now she's just irritable and quick tempered. She said that it's something she has to resolve and I understand that, there's nothing I can do to make her love me or want to be with me. The only thing I can do is be here for her and I will.

I know the whole "DB Method" is to cut them off and move on or whatever. But it seems a lot like moving backwards to say "i love you, i'm here for you and i am so sorry for being so distant during our marriage" then completely moving on.

I just need her to know i have changed and i'm not the same a-hole I was.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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Collin - i'm going to have to read through all your posts. Sounds like i'm in a similar situation, but about a year behind ya. We are going to walk through our separation in the next week or so with a mediator. its going to be painful.

Thank you for continuing to provide updates.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
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collin Offline OP
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Kevin,
Somewhere along the way I read somewhere that you can't take everything they say as truth. That IS the truth. But, let me tell you, when you're looking at your wife and she's saying she doesn't know if she wants to try anymore...it's so hard not to think the sky is falling.

It's so weird, I go through my phases where sometimes i think my world is coming to an end. Then others, I'm glad I get to "prove" my love to my wife. It just s*cks though to be in this position.

This weekend she got into one of her moods where I couldn't do anything right. She told me the best thing I could do is to leave. The thing I wrestle with is, if I do leave am I throwing in the towel? Or, am I doing more harm by staying? Or by me staying and sticking it out am I showing her, "look, i'm here through thick and thin no matter what?"


M:36 W:31 D:12
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ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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Collin,

Your wife has you walking on a balance beam. She must feel very powerful.

You need to learn how to set, and enforce, some boundaries.

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