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MC was her way of saying it's all your fault and of course it isn't.

Each one in an M carries their own responsibility.

MC is just more pursuit on your part.

You have had terrific advice from some wonderful posters darkness, doodler and Sandi. To work on you. Your W has sacked you as her H and moved outo. It's time to GAL and start to detach to grow and think awhile.

Have you reread the DB books?

I laminated Sandi 37 guide rules and carried them with me. Do you refer to them? And is that every day?

Showing your W love at this point may not be about showing up, it is important you show that love by becoming an improved you.

Have you examined why you had lethargy in your M? Was it a health issue? Lazines? Masked depression? We're you a 'nice guy', with passive aggression? Google 'nice guy' for resources on that style of behaviour in men.

An IC would be a good help for you, I think so.

At this point I want to shake you and hug you.

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Colin- going through similar sitch... Maintaining R with D12 or trying to make it flourish. Also live in nc , saw you mention chapel hill . Roughly 1hr away.

Is there a pattern of "leaving" by your wife? You mention a previous M or lt R that lead to D...? How did it end ? Same amount of time ? A cycle perhaps ?

I see you received the lybnilwy speech ... Which usually means her head is in a totally different place than yours. She wants to be in love with you but can't make herself feel those feelings. Jus like my sitch you maybe the nice guy doormat that she just lost respect for and women can't be attracted to weak men... And can't be in love with them either. Why was the tv where she wanted it and not where you wanted it ? Nice guy accommodated wife , placed where she wanted it and waited for reward...that's how it starts a little push here a little push there - often time with little to no "reward" ... So after time the challenge to keep you is gone , your conquered and respect is low. These are just my opinions and not meant to put your head in a bad place ... Just an outsider looking in seeing what you maybe to close to see. I think this is what happened to me.. just too longer to get there.


Me:47 XW 43
D15 D10
Together 17 married 15
Bd : Mother's Day 2015
Sep :July 2015
Divorce final October 2016
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Originally Posted By: collin
I need to show her I'm strong.

No. You need to BE strong.

Doing all of this nice guy stuff for her isnt BEING strong. Bringing her ice cream? doing her laundry? That sounds like classic Nice Guy stuff that is not going to endear yourself to her. You seem to think that by doing all of these things, it will bring her closer to you.

Serious question 1: If you never allow her to miss you, why would anything ever change from the status quo?

Serious question 2: Does your W have ANY fear that she could lose you?

Originally Posted By: collin
But I don't know how to prove to her she's wrong.

You cant prove anything to her. You need to be the embodiment of her being wrong. It sounds like you are still catering to her needs instead of working on yourself.

Serious question 3: What does collin 2.0 look like to you? What is your plan to get there?

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This week was my week with D. She was tracked out at school so she was able to come to work with me. At night we cooked dinner together then watched TV and ate. During the show she would lean against me and I'd wrap my arm around her and we'd watch TV. It was a great week. With as great as this week was, next is going to be the complete opposite. D will be at W's and I'll be in the house alone.

I intentionally tried to limit the number of times we went over to W's place. Just so I could spend this week with D. We did go over there one night and hang out. We laid on ate ice cream and watched our favorite TV show together.


W did make a comment though - she said that when she moved out I said I was going "date" her and I haven't dated her yet. I guess I am completely oblivious to what dating is. What is this "dating" that I am not doing?


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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Originally Posted By: collin
W did make a comment though - she said that when she moved out I said I was going "date" her and I haven't dated her yet. I guess I am completely oblivious to what dating is. What is this "dating" that I am not doing?


Going out to dinner is just going out to dinner until you put a condom in your wallet; then it becomes dating. wink

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Another Saturday waking up past noon. Just don't really have any reason to pull myself out of bed when I'm here alone. I still talk to W on a daily basis. The other day she came over and I cooked us dinner and we went back to her apt and we watched our TV show. We laid in bed and she put her head on my chest. I was really nice.

I've gotten on this thing now (and I know it seems stupid) but when she says she's going HOME in reference to her apt, I tell her that's not her home. THIS is OUR home. I can't call it her home, I always refer to it as her apt.

I don't really have any news to post. Nothing really has changed. Just realized it's been a while since I have posted.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
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Originally Posted By: collin

I've gotten on this thing now (and I know it seems stupid) but when she says she's going HOME in reference to her apt, I tell her that's not her home. THIS is OUR home. I can't call it her home, I always refer to it as her apt.



About a month ago I sold something and I told my wife to withdraw the money out of the joint account for her share. When she texted me and said she withdrew it I noticed she went inside to a teller instead of using an ATM. I asked why she didn't use the ATM and she responded she left her debit card at home. I wanted to scream she didn't leave it at home, she left it at her apartment. Instead I didn't say anything. She probably didn't think anything of it. I guess her apartment is her home now.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
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RDS,
It grates my nerves so bad when she does that, but to her it's just a word. Like, she may as well be saying I'm going to the store or whatever. But to me, a home is more than just a place. I really don't even call OUR home MY home much anymore. I just call it "the house". Like, I'm going to the house. Because without her there it doesn't feel like my home. The weeks when D is over at W's apt, it feels even less like my home. She calls our home, YOUR home (once again, to her just words) but I just snicker and say it ain't MY home.

Last night she was talking about how she never gets to spend time with D on her weeks. I probably shouldn't of, but I said because you belong here, us all together. But we made plans for me to meet them for dinner. I texted her and asked where they were and she replied with "the townhouse". I felt a little vindication like me standing on my soapbox was benefiting.

Before I left last night she fell down the stairs (she didn't hurt herself...bad) But I was like, "see, not even God wants you here, so he threw you down the stairs." She didn't take to kindly to me saying that.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
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Originally Posted By: collin
RDS,

Before I left last night she fell down the stairs (she didn't hurt herself...bad) But I was like, "see, not even God wants you here, so he threw you down the stairs." She didn't take to kindly to me saying that.



LOL...I'm sure you knew what reaction you would get from your statement before you finished it.

Yeah, I don't consider my house home anymore. I always reference it as the house.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 170
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Well, just an update on things:
Last night W and D came over and I cooked us dinner. We ate, we talked, we laughed. After we ate, D ran next door and W was standing looking at something on the counter and I walked up to her and put my arms around her and kissed her on her neck.

D came back and they had to go because they were working on something before they came over for dinner. I hugged her bye and kissed her on her forehead and cheek. I didn't go for the lips, because I want to let her make that first move. I wanted to though. We starred at each other for a few seconds, then she said she had to go.

It was a very good night I thought.

Tonight we are all planning on going out for dinner and tomorrow we have to go out of town for a funeral. Spending all this time together, it's time to make her fall back in love with me.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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