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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Hey Maybell! I haven't been on here in a loooong time.

I wish you the best, you and the kids have been through a life-changing process. You can choose what that change is. Don't let stories from the past color your future. (I've only read this one page so I'm not completely UTD but see there's a New Guy)

Have you become the new and improved Maybell?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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I get you think your struggling.

I have days where I need to prove bf is a good guy, that he's not fibbing and telling me porkies like xh2. I'm pretty sure xh2 always did that. I kick myself I was t smart enough to see him for what he was which was which was something like a shape changer who told whatever fitted with what worked in each sitch.

Unless your very aware or switched on you would never have picked it.

You trusted because your a good person, you trusted him like I trusted my xh2 more than they deserved. It's not your bad it's on them or on him.

Xh2 still acts like a child and seems to want me to tell him how to behave, then spews on me. It just serves to remind me why he hasn't done any work and why you wouldn't go back till he did. It serves in my case to remind me why I made the right decision for me.

At the time you did and are doing what is best for you. Trust you can feel Ng has good qualities.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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Maybell Offline OP
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Bug!!!! I just went looking for you a few days before you posted here. I'm with my New Guy at the moment but will catch up soon. I hope you're well and can't wait to hear what's been going on!!

(((Labug)))


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Saw this on Mozza's thread from my buddy Raliced and wanted to comment...

Quote:


I'm sorry you felt shaken by this revelation - but I can't say I'm surprised. Like most things that involve humans, I suppose there is a range of the time needed to heal from such a primal rejection, but I'm sure that for many it is a pretty significant length of time. And there are some, like you, who seem to be able to work on it, while still dating other people - and I admire that. Personally, I'm quite sure that if I tried to date now, it would be more about trying to prove something to my bruised ego instead of enhancing my life - so I think it's wiser for me to wait.


This is something my New Guy and I discuss fairly regularly. Unlike some here I've moved to finding Mr. Fantastic fairly repulsive. Aside from his behavior, he slouches, his hair is thinning enormously but he still grows it long, and he dresses like a hipster. When I see him I'm not at all attracted, but I do feel a disturbing amount of anger.

When I was in the depths of the break up either Betsey or Labug suggested I wasn't so much hurt by him leaving as angry that he left first (before I could). At the time I was pretty indignant but the truth is I recognized that the marriage was sucking for a long, long time before I learned of his cheating. The difference is that I was split between trying to salvage the relationship and facing the truth that he was incapable of engaging. At least with me. once I faced that truth, it was a lot easier to begin healing from the destruction of the marriage. A lot of my emotion since is anger over the disruption in my & the kids' lives and the weight I'm carrying while he goes off to be Mr. Fantastic.

My New Guy has said he feels like he had lessons to learn in the long stretch of time he's been alone. I've said that I worry I met him too soon after the split (19 months after Mr. F moved out, three months after D was final) and his perspective was, either I would have been in a different R that caused damage of its own, or I would have been alone longer and not had the opportunity to learn areas where I still need to heal that have been made apparent by our current relationship. I believe he is right -- that the mistakes, while painful, can be useful, and the space is only healing up to a point. as long as we're not doing what Raliced is concerned about, then we can grow, even when the outcomes aren't awesome.

Of course I say all this in the afterglow of an absolutely amazing vacation with someone who is patient and generous beyond my deserts. If he & I break up you can be sure I'll come here crying in my beer harder than anyone.

BTW, when Mr. Fantastic first moved out, one of my close friends, whose parents divorced when she was 9, said her mother met the Love of Her Life three months after the divorce -- and they're still very happily married 40 years later. So I don't think hard & fast rules apply.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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NG sounds like a keeper!!!!

My ex did such a good job of turning me off during and after our divorce. Even though I adored him throughout our marriage, now I look at him and wonder why I was ever attracted to him? Ugly behavior sure makes people look ugly.

(Of course, the fact that my current boyfriend is SO much hotter than my ex and treats me SO much better doesn't hurt!)

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You inspire me so much MB. I'm so happy that things are going well with NG!


Me 38 H 40
D 3
T 8 M 6
BD 10/2013

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Today is the three year anniversary of BD#1. I have a bottle of bubbly chilling in my fridge and sometime today I'm going to take a few minutes to raise a glass to OW and her baby daddy to thank them for sending me (so unwillingly) down a road to freedom and the possibility of real happiness.

Spent this weekend with my New Guy. Just doing the household thing together. He takes such good care of me and we had fun last night. The next three weekends we'll spend apart and there won't be much time (if any) together during the weeks. It will be interesting to see how that goes -- we've gotten to spend most of the last three weeks together on almost a honeymoon. But it's important for me to function independently too. I hope he misses me.


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
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Freedom and the chance of real happiness. I love that. So glad everything's going well for you Maybell, I hope I get there too.


Me - 44 Husband - 47
D20, S18
BD - Aug 2013
Moved out - Jan 2014
OW discovered Jan 2014
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Sounds great! When we arrive here, many of us think that happiness can only come through reconciliation. I feel a tinge of guilt for thinking I don't want it anymore. I don't know if it's because of the purpose of this forum, or guilt towards the person I was almost two years ago and who would never have accepted such an outlook. But here we are.


M39 D6 D3 (at S)
S 2014-09
D 2016-09

"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
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You're sounding great, Maybell! I hope I will get to be where you are some day


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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