Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 449
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Dec 2010
Posts: 449
Good to see you around friend. Sorry for your continued struggles.

Originally Posted By: CWOL

Originally we booked a baseball tournament for S11 at the end of this month. In June, before paying the hotel fees, I confirmed with her and she said it would be fine to stay together for the tournament. Now she refuses to, and wanted to split 3 days for me and 3 days for her. I refused to do that. So now the compromise is that she get her own room and we'll have to pay 1/2 of the total and S11 stays with us 1/2 the time for the trip. OMG I can't believe how terrible my WW has become.


Confirm nothing like this with her again (unless your recovering). Her being there or wherever for your son is her problem and her life to deal with and manage. She's chosen that life for herself so stop making it easier for her to pretend and brutalizing yourself in the meantime. Everytime you get in another one of these situations you drain further any remaining hope of reconciliation. For now, your wife has given up on it so you are the only one that's preserving hope right now, so preserve it and allow the natural consequences of her choices befall her.


Originally Posted By: CWOL
In return, I started to give her the same treatment. She then texted me why I didn't tell her about a certain game. I ignored that as well. I've been able to let things roll off my back for the past months, until I had to confront her.


MUCH BETTER. However, I'd rather see this as you erecting and maintaining appropriate boundaries versus a reaction to her. When you say here "IN RETURN" it's HER focused. Women can read through that crap a mile away and she'll sense you are punishing her and trying to manipulate her versus simply stating, "you have chosen divorce, I love you and want to reconcile but as long as you maintain this relationship with OM and continue down this path of divorce it is too hurtful and devastating to me to continue in any kind of relationship with you. I realize we need to communicate about our son but unless there is some kind of emergency, that can all transpire through email. I miss you but until then, good luck with your life"

Then you stop. You parallel parent (google it) until such time as she comes to you seeking forgiveness and reconciliation OR you feel emotionally healthy enough to reengage in this emotionally abusive relationship.


The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
S
SH_ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
Originally Posted By: CWOL
One good update is that I've been going to the gym on a daily basis now, only skip if there was a game for S11 at the time. Last week I went all seven days. I've been doing intense cardio stuff, including spinning. My daily goal is 500 Kcals on the bike an hour! Just finished yoga tonight too. My MD noticed my cholesterol has dropped significantly and took me off some meds. Also lifting weights after my cardio and swimming to finish things off.


This is great to hear, and I can attest to the value of exercise for mental health. I have added back my weight form the depression, and it is healthy weight as my waist size has not increased.
And mentally, it has done wonders. I am planing on meeting with my MD to have him get me off of these stupid AD meds. Enough of that as I am ready to move forward with life.

Keep up the great efforts and I look forward to hearing how well things progress for you.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
C
CWOL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
Originally Posted By: Georgia Bulldogs
Confirm nothing like this with her again (unless your recovering). Her being there or wherever for your son is her problem and her life to deal with and manage. She's chosen that life for herself so stop making it easier for her to pretend and brutalizing yourself in the meantime. Everytime you get in another one of these situations you drain further any remaining hope of reconciliation. For now, your wife has given up on it so you are the only one that's preserving hope right now, so preserve it and allow the natural consequences of her choices befall her.


Georgia,
Yes, still alive and kickin'. For the tournament arrangement it wasn't by my choice. I had to have her permission because half the week falls with her having custody.

Standing firm on the other issues though, including support, etc. It is a very difficult situation.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
C
CWOL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
Originally Posted By: SH_
This is great to hear, and I can attest to the value of exercise for mental health. I have added back my weight form the depression, and it is healthy weight as my waist size has not increased.
And mentally, it has done wonders. I am planing on meeting with my MD to have him get me off of these stupid AD meds. Enough of that as I am ready to move forward with life.

Keep up the great efforts and I look forward to hearing how well things progress for you.


Thanks SH, I looked at my fitness app and I've been to the gym 28 of the last 30 days! I've doubled my KCal burned for Spinning now to 450-500 per hour. Starting a weightlifting regime as well, I've not lost weight but have converted fat to muscles.

On the AD: Yes, I would like to get off them too. I was doing very well for the past month, perhaps that's why I've not logged onto this forum. That was until last Monday's hearing, then the sense of hopelessness, sorrow, and other dark thoughts started to return again. I'm sure I would be in much worse shape if it weren't for the Lexapro. I think I will need it to ride through the storm called D.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
S
SH_ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
What up brother. How's it going for you ?


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
C
CWOL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
Originally Posted By: SH_
What up brother. How's it going for you ?


SH,
Thanks for checking up on me.
We went on S11's baseball tournament, it's huge with about 200 teams from around the country playing in a beach town. S11 had a lot of fun. S11's team came in runners up for the championship, they lost in the final game to a strong team from Utah. Very proud of his performance and hard work.
WW opted to waste money and got another hotel room, of course I have to pay 1/2 for it. This despite agreeing to share the room a couple months before, then having her L negotiate this deal, probably wasting more money than the room cost doing so.
WW's best friend is in town and asked me about her, they were supposed to meet up but WW blew her off. I told her that WW is still like that, 8 months after BD, WW has not talked to any of her friends except the OM and her enabler friend who got her the secret burner phone. Hopefully she can make contact with her and see what is really going on in WW's head.
Overall I've really not thought much about WW, I guess I am DB'ing very successfully. Maybe that's why I haven't been on for three weeks.
I've been working out everyday now, I saw my gym app showing me going 28 out of the last 30 days! Getting in very good shape, have not lost weight but fat is turning into muscles. Been working on a lifting program, I've increased what I can lift by about 30% in a month. Only time I really think about WW is whenever L sends an email saying her L requesting more documents. Doing yoga but still not able to meditate successfully. Headspace isn't really helping me either...?


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
S
SH_ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
What's the news in your nick of the woods brother?

What's after baseball season?

Great job on the physical health.
I too have found gains and success in this department like I have not seen since my early days in the army.

Hope you are doing well my friend.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
C
CWOL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
Originally Posted By: SH_
What's the news in your nick of the woods brother?

What's after baseball season?

Great job on the physical health.
I too have found gains and success in this department like I have not seen since my early days in the army.

Hope you are doing well my friend.


Hey Brother,
Baseball season here is year-round... S11 just started his 12U year on September 1. I am getting stronger physically, working out every day. Cardio first on the bike, then stretching, then lifting. I've added 50 pounds on the bench press in a month, getting much healthier eating too, salads on most days.
On the divorce front, things are moving slowly. Unfortunately my L told me that even though I bought the house before our marriage, my WW can claim an equity ownership. That means I may have to pay her off to keep the house! It's terrible. She cheats on me, moves out, expects me to pay her support for the rest of her life. The terrible laws of my liberal state.
S11 has started school, he is doing very well in school. I am helping to coach the Fall Ball for Little League with his team, he is the best player on his team. I stay out of the managerial decisions but he's always shortstop and bats cleanup. Sundays he plays on the travel ball league. I see WW there but we do not talk at all. After 18 years of marriage... Sigh.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
S
SH_ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
Nice! Year round baseball. You just live in one of the handful of states that have no winter...I live in one of those places.

Good to hear you are getting the physical thing going strong.
I put back on 15 lbs of muscle.

Ugh on the legal front.
I pray you have bulldog for a layer so you can keep it as fair an balanced as possible.

i get the no talking to ya after 18 years of marriage.
Mine has gone so far as to act as if I am not there when standing a few feet in front of me...
Thank goodness that is a only a rare occasion.

Hope you are doing well buddy.

i'll be cheering for your s11 and his success with the team.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
C
CWOL Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
Well, my L is supposed to be a bulldog but he says there are not many maneuvers he can do with the laws in my state. I checked for second opinions as well and it seems like I am screwed. It is really demoralizing when I am the victim yet the laws treat you like a criminal.
I see WW every week but I avoid any type of contact with her whenever I can. Yesterday she had S11 ask me about a schedule that was sent to her. I had to tell S11 for her to check herself. If she does not want to be my wife, I should not have to act like her husband, right?
The Lexapro seems to help but still having night sweats. When I don't have S11 for the 50% of the time, I do have recurring moments of despair in my loneliness. However, I think it does help that downward spiral I used to have. I am able to break out of those thoughts and refocus on the present and what I enjoy, whether it's playing with S11 or planning our next outing. I do other activities that take my mind off of the D.
That is all I can do now, instead of focusing on the future.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Page 6 of 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard