Now or .....?

[otw]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...571#Post2673571

Old thread

Figured i would start a new one as the other would be done soon.

Not a whole lot to update from last time. We have remained in contact, but i definitely have backed off a bit. We were together at D spring concert at school for a bit on tuesday. Pretty strange as they were singing songs from other countries and the last one was called "cinco De Mayo" which is today and ......wait for it

Our anniversary.

Nice right!


Any way, I fought the urge to purrsue and ask to do something for it. She wouldnt be able to today anyway as she teaches classes this evening. the only thing i had planned on soing is cooking dinner for me and the kids and offering her some when she is done and picking them up.

Then of course mothers day is sunday. I have tickets to a monster truck show on the beach on that day, where we all went last year. She knows i have tickets so need to make sure she is still interested in going.

Otherwise, been busy.

Played a rugby game this past weekend with guys i spent many years playing with. Had a golf tournament yesterday. Have to head up to campground for a bit tomorrow. Have an offer for deep sea fishing coming up. Rugby banquet where i have to introduce a hall of fame inductee, then a 3 day golf trip coming.

pretty busy

I know i need to go slow through this phase while trying to figure out if there is interest on her end or not but the patience thing was never my specialty!

Any way, will keep up to date

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

Nice post, sounds like things are going well, your living your life offering W chances to join in , if she doesn't then you not too worried. THis is how I need to picture my life for the next month moving forward.

I know this is how I was before I met my W, I was not looking for anyone, was living my life having fun enjoying life. She came into it and really I played it really slow.

I need to remember this.

Thanks for posting

[otw]

if i can offer one thing when the separation happens...and this may not apply to you at all but it did to me.

I tried to live my life similar to how i saw her. Always on the run to go out places in the evening and at night with friends etc..

I found myslef going out to bars etc.. and hanging out with friends and it got old very fast. I have cut it out completely. If that is what she needs to do feeling like she missed out on something go right ahead but it got old too fast for me.

be careful

[Jb9140]

I found myslef going out to bars etc.. and hanging out with friends and it got old very fast. I have cut it out completely. If that is what she needs to do feeling like she missed out on something go right ahead but it got old too fast for me.

be careful

I can second this, I've been doing this a month out. It's definately getting old and making me feel guilty

[vise82]

Hey

Good advise,

I have a feeling that is what is going to happen with W when she get the S signed, We did meet when she just turned 19, I think she does feel like she missed out on something. Although we did go to bars a lot together dating.

I am trying to prepare for the girls gone wild behavior and hopefully living apart I will not be exposed to it.

Yes you are right I don not have to do follow what she does. Although with in house S that is what it seems we were doing. W did not date and neither did I.

Does your W consider herself single being separated? Am I to expect W shifting to a singles lifestyle?

[otw]

Honestly. I think most consider themselves single when they separate. I don't have any evidence or knowledge of her dating or anything but that doesn't mean it isn't the case.

[otw]

OK, so the anniversary came and went. We actually had dinner all together when she came to pick up the kids. No mention of the day at all until loading the kids up in the truck.

She was already in and i leaned to her from the back where i was saying goodbyes to the kids and said "happy anniversary" I wasnt really sure if there was a response as it was noisy and i was getting out.

Had the kids over the weekend and we got a few small things for W for mothers day. the kids had me take them to the store to buy food so they could cook brunch for her. They were going to tell her when she called to say good night, but..she didnt call.

So mothers day morning i sent her a text to let her know. She said ok, i tried calling last night but it went straight to voicemail. who knows.

Anyway she came over kids helped me cook and we went to the monster truck show. Good time. We headed back to leave and it was still before dinner so i figured we would just be heading separate ways after, W stated she was hungry and wanted to eat. So we all went and ate together.

Bit of a mind racing episode happened and dont really know what to think of it, but W was texting and D7 leaned over to snoop and said who is "stephan" W quickly moved the phone and said Stephanie. D7 quickly responded she didnt see any "y" or I". I am not aware of any stephanie and pretty sure w was texting someone name a guy named stephen.

I dont know anyone or what capacity it would be but she hid it and made up a name so of course that didnt feel good.

So i have spun about this the past few days.

Another few things going on is the house she is renting, the owners want to sell it. So now she is dealing with that.

So i posted in another thread about how i feel she is willing to do things with me and the kids when it is her time but when it is mine and she is free she doesnt want any part or is too busy.

I dont like this. I am needing to flat out ask her if i am imagining things between us or not. I am battling with asking her out for a real date this weekend and then have a R talk.

I honestly dont want to feel like I am anymore. I need to know answers.

I am willing to listen to anyones opinions here. fire away

[pinn]

man OTW are we in similar spots or what (minus the kids). I feel the exact same way and struggle with what to do here and you have been at it even longer. I often think that I must have completely misinterpreted her message or words because I get no follow up.

I feel like doing the same exact thing you mention within the next 2 weeks. I don't want to get into heavy R talk, but I do want to know the deal and if D is what she really wants, then let's go already.

I wish I had a suggestion for you. At this point you have DB'd for a decent amount of time, you are no newbie. Maybe it's time to go with the gut? I don't know... I don't know for myself either.

BTW.. good to see you post. I was wondering where you had been.

[Jb9140]

I dont like this. I am needing to flat out ask her if i am imagining things between us or not. I am battling with asking her out for a real date this weekend and then have a R talk.

I honestly dont want to feel like I am anymore. I need to know answers.

I am willing to listen to anyones opinions here. fire away

Man I totally understand this feeling completely, and I'm only a little over a month in from separation. I guess the first questioned I would need to ask myself is "Am I truly prepared for the answer?" which ever way it goes. If the answer is yes then go for it. I know I'm not there yet. Actually if I was there, I probably wouldn't even need to ask the question. This detachment stuff is hard. I would definitely back off doing stuff only when it my turn having the kids. JMHO

[otw]

i do feel like it is time. I say this because if there is nothing I dont plan on continuing acting like a happy family half the time. No way is that my intention. If there is nothing I go my way.

To answer the question am i ready for the answer.

Of course i will hurt if it is not what I am hoping to hear, but honestly I will get over that. Someday. But letting this continue and not knowing is living hell.

the only thing holding me back is the question if we are just in the beginning of building from scratch and i am rushing.