Wife files divorce after I confronted her 2nd EA

[CWOL]

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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2659515&page=1

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2669140#Post2669140

Married 18 years, wife has been emailing ex-boyfriend for at least 9 years before I discovered. When confronted she wanted separation. I exposed her after trying to get her to stay for 3 weeks. She pretended to be reconciling and gaslighted me instead, secretly planning D and then filed in February 2016.

[1313]

CWOL,
I know you were asking about how to have a life when half of your money is going away. I don't know what state you're in, but guessing some no-fault state. In CA, I'm having to prove I'm looking for work (I worked with W) so she gives me support check. I'm guessing that this isn't the case with you, and your W can sit around and do nothing.

I do know in some states if you can prove an affair, you can be off the hook for a lot, if not everything. Too bad that's not where you're living.

I don't know what to tell you about GAL and future relationships. I will need a job - and at almost 60 nobody is going to take me in my previous line of work. Young person's game. So, I need to get my Real Estate license to have any hope of getting a decent income. All I could think of for you is to continue to try to improve your career standing for more income, or maybe meet a gal who's pulling in a fair amount? Somebody who really cares about you will make things work regardless.

It's hell to think about getting this far in life, and then going back to a lower level of quality of life. But that's where we're at.

[mvgfwd2]

some states also allow you to sue the OP for damages. North Carolina, Hawaii, and a few others.

[CWOL]

CWOL,
I know you were asking about how to have a life when half of your money is going away. I don't know what state you're in, but guessing some no-fault state. In CA, I'm having to prove I'm looking for work (I worked with W) so she gives me support check. I'm guessing that this isn't the case with you, and your W can sit around and do nothing.

I'm in the same boat as you, but on the other side. My WW has a 15 hour a week job. It'll be a "transition" time for the judge to make sure she is phased out of her underemployment. She has a BS and was making decent money before she met me, but that was 20 years ago. She will have various excuses for not getting a full-time job in order to continue to leech off me.

We haven't lived a lavish lifestyle and that is why I was able to pay off my house so early in a very expensive real estate area. But if I were to get back into the dating scene again it will cost me. I really don't want to have to start over at 47. I make good money and part of this I feel is WW waiting for me to get to a stable executive position before she did this. I don't think I will live at a substantially lower quality of life but I just feel I'm getting a bum deal through all this.

[CWOL]

some states also allow you to sue the OP for damages. North Carolina, Hawaii, and a few others.

I should have moved to one of those states a year ago. WW always wanted to live in HI! Too late. My state is very Liberal so adultery is less of a crime than jaywalking. Not even considered in court.

[CWOL]

WW asked me about payments for her separation agreement. I told her my L advised that we needed for her L to file the stipulation to remove her RFO from the calendar first, before I make the payments. She said, "Fine, I will check with my L!" She said it in such a way that was really infuriating to me, with a total sense of entitlement and lack of guilt for what she is putting us through. I find that whenever she brings up the D or M issues, I get very angry. Thus, I have kept all these discussions to the very minimal.
I've signed up for some DB coaching. Hopefully they'll give me useful tips on how to handle this situation and also to control my emotions.

[CWOL]

My WW's L filed the stipulations to remove our court date, I guess that is good, less money wasted for our family on stupid legal maneuvers by her L.
I will have to liquidate a large bond position in our joint account to pay her L off. Even though it's our joint account, it still [censored].
We are sharing my S11's expenses 50/50. I gave WW an accounting of what I've paid so far, she is questioning small charges here and there... Very annoying, since I'm funding everything anyway (the money she will pay me back came from me to start with!)
Still, it means the beginning of her moving out. Ugh, this part is going to be tough. I have heard that it will be easier not living under the same roof to execute the DB plan. I am still very upset about paying her alimony at this stage of the game.

[GWH]

CWOL,

That really stinks that you gotta pay her alimony. Your right it is easier to DB while they are not living under the same roof, but i will tell you it gets lonely. Hang in there brother.

[CWOL]

Thanks GWH
Yes, I gotta pay her alimony and the divorce is just beginning. It's called temporary spousal support in our Liberal state. It's supposed to help "maintain" a lifestyle for my WW that she chose to abandon because of her cheating.
Yes, I am afraid of the loneliness, and what it will do to my psyche. Especially for the 50% of the time that my WW will have S11. I have never really be away from him since he was born, except for some short business trips. It will be hard for both of us. Hope WW can see the results of her actions once she moves out and her anger and shame subsides.

[rich4j]

CWOL

In the same boat with you with paying support starting shortly and at age 50 being alone for the first time in 13 years or so.....And have a D7....its too hard

Perhaps she will see what a mistake she has made but it seems many don't whether its the H or W that is the driver of the divorce

My STBX blames me every chance she gets on anything ...the other day...those faces you make is why we are getting divorced? Really?

It is unfair to not want the divorce , have to pay dearly for it both financially and emotionally, and be stuck in the lonely cloud of being part of the divorce.

I hope you can get through it as doing stuff/GAl'ing will help but also a support system around you. It's hard...I struggle daily and then have good days. Be the best parent you can and the rest hopefully takes care of itself. Focus on S11!!!!