Building my life...

[Gmum]

I fully agree with Mozza, fwiw.

I'm glad you're out there meeting people.
Now tell me, isn't online dating scary as he!!? If that's how it's done these days you can count me out, haha.

[Mozza]

What do you want to achieve with your email? Honest question. What would like to see happen in reaction to it? It would help us to give you advice on whether it is taking you in the right direction.

[mahhhty]

Sotto. I can try to soften it.

Gmum. Online dating is brutal.

Mozza. I'm not sure. It is a good school but it's more difficult for everyone but her. I'm upset frustrated and sick of dealing with the new her, and her new life.

[Zues126]

"I fully understand the school system's benefits. I want to ensure stability and security for the children. I am onboard with the kids going to a better school, but I believe there is more to the conversation than school performance.

The school system is less convenient for everyone but you. Are you working somewhere local or getting a new job? If not, how is your travel requirements going to change? I'm concerned because you haven't been able to see the kids for the full 50% b/c of work and consistently rely on your mother or myself.

As for the house, who will be living there? Are you purchasing it by yourself? I believe this directly relates to stability and security of our children. It was inappropriate for you to never discuss your new relationship with me in a healthy way for the betterment of the kids. "

My opinion- remove anything that appears to be judgment. It is not your place to coach her on appropriate, moral, or mature behavior. It just comes across as critical and controlling.

I'm not suggesting the remainder flows as written without these bridges, just what I think is appropriate to discuss.

Keep it brief.

Thank you for looking into educational programs for the children. I agree that is an important consideration and I can see that this district has a lot to offer them.

I do have concerns about increasing the distance between their parents. I think being in close proximity to both their parents is also paramount to the children. It will also impact the pick ups and drops offs. Currently the children are able to walk/bus home to my place, a critical piece in that it allows me to work my job without the inconvenience of a long commute. Based on this I'd prefer to keep them in their current district, and feel the responsibility to bridging the gap belongs to you if you favor moving further from the children. Finally, after the change they've been through, I support keeping their schooling as stable as possible and allow them to remain close with their friends and social support network.

I am confident we can find extracurricular activities in their current system, particularly if it's close enough I can play a more involved role in their scholastic events.



I'd leave it there for now, you can find out who she's living with later, one battle at a time...Just my 2 cents.

[mahhhty]

Thank you Zues. I've had trepidation around this for awhile.

But it is done.

Thank you for looking into educational programs for the children. I agree that is an important consideration and I can see that this district has a lot to offer them.

I do have concerns about increasing the distance between their parents/grandparents. I think being in close proximity to their family is also paramount to the children. It will also impact the pick ups and drops offs. Currently access to schools is very close to my place, a critical piece in that it allows me to work my job without the inconvenience of a long commute. Based on this I'd prefer to keep them in their current district, and feel the responsibility to bridging the gap belongs to you if you favor moving further from the children. Finally, after the change they've been through, I support keeping their schooling as stable as possible and allow them to remain close with their current friends and social support network.

I am confident we can find extracurricular activities in their current system, particularly if it's close enough I can play a more involved role in their scholastic events.

[mahhhty]

I am grateful and appreciative of my DB Family. Thank you for your support. I struggle to emotionally detach from her actions (perceived or real).

I know I will get there. This is my path.

[mahhhty]

Well. She responded and it was pretty nasty. Anger, threats and resentment. I'm so very tired of being threatened by her.

First, your home is not the kids’ primary residence, and I am not moving “further from the children.” My house is equally their house, and both of our houses are their home. Just because you kept the house in the divorce, does not give you a legal advantage in any other matter. It was made clear that my residence in "Town she lives in" was temporary until I bought a house, and at that point we would decide on schooling (see page 7, G2 of Parenting Plan).

Second, my family, including "her sister" and "her brother in law", are just as close to "her new town" as your family is to "my town". "Her sister", like your mom, is at home and would always be willing to help out when needed. Especially since she will be bringing/picking "her niece" up at the same school. My mother, their daycare provider, is equally close to both. This negates your point entirely.

Third, any “inconvenience” to your commute to "her town" would be exactly equally as long and inconvenient for me to "my town". This again negates your point entirely.

Fourth, they don’t have a “current district.” I was in the hospital when you, without telling me, registered them in a district and didn’t tell me for a month. Both schools would be equally a new experience. Your argument about ‘social support network’ is irrelevant—they are five and three years old. We and our families are their support network, not other children.

Finally, your arguments all center around what is convenient--not about what is best for the kid’s future. I have, above, made clear that all the arguments you make in your favor can equally be made in mine. Thus, the only thing that matters is the quality of schooling our kids will get. Don’t you agree that "the town she will live in" offers better schooling than "the town I live in"?

I hope to settle this amicably—but if need be, I am willing to let the court decide what’s best for the kids and I have looked into the next steps to pursue that. Ultimately, their best interest is what is most important and their schooling will set the framework for the rest of their lives.

[zew]

The tone in her response was not unexpected. Honestly, her arguments are not totally unreasonable - I only wish I were dealing with someone as cogent. In any case, she has just laid out her legal strategy should you pursue this.

mahhhty, you will feel SO.MUCH.BETTER when you let go.

[mahhhty]

No it isn't. I'm trying.

Here is my reply

You are correct. The children do not have a legal residence as defined in the paperwork, and there is no “legal advantage.” However, when I talk to Katie about moving, she cries. I’ve tried multiple times. There is emotional attachment to that house on their behalf. It is the only thing that has remained constant in their lives. They do have social circles through their current preschool, friends and neighbors.

We moved to Epsom together, the school system was good then. Bow does have a good school as well, I understand that. I’m interested in security and stability as well. It is our job to pick up our children from school and ensure some structure and stability. Will you be changing jobs or traveling less? Who will be living at your house? If he is cosigning and you break up, what solidifies your residency in Bow so the kids can continue to go to school there? Your finances and business are your decisions to make, but they contribute to reasons that take you away from the kids.

Please do not threaten me anymore. If you have a lawyer provide their contact information. It is in the best interest of the kids for us to work together. We have withdrawn from each other’s lives as much as possible and things are no better. The hurt, resentment, anger, mistrust live on.

[mahhhty]

No it isn't. I'm trying.

Here is my reply

You are correct. The children do not have a legal residence as defined in the paperwork, and there is no “legal advantage.” However, when I talk to D5 about moving, she cries. I’ve tried multiple times. There is emotional attachment to that house on their behalf. It is the only thing that has remained constant in their lives. They do have social circles through their current preschool, friends and neighbors.

We moved to My Town together, the school system was good then. Her Town does have a good school as well, I understand that. I’m interested in security and stability as well. It is our job to pick up our children from school and ensure some structure and stability. Will you be changing jobs or traveling less? Who will be living at your house? If he is cosigning and you break up, what solidifies your residency in Bow so the kids can continue to go to school there? Your finances and business are your decisions to make, but they contribute to reasons that take you away from the kids.

Please do not threaten me anymore. If you have a lawyer provide their contact information. It is in the best interest of the kids for us to work together. We have withdrawn from each other’s lives as much as possible and things are no better. The hurt, resentment, anger, mistrust live on.