Greetings fellow DBers. It has been so long since I updated. Mostly because I needed to get away from here for a while. And also because nothing was new.
Life with Josh is good. Hit the 12 year mark last week on April Fool's Day. It is loving, it is stress free and I haven't seen him in nearly 2 months since I've been in Florida and he has been working. He did fly down for Valentines Day and stayed 8 days!
My dad has not been doing well. Been out of hospital since before Christmas and went to live at my brother's house. Wanted to go home. Then one crazy day my sister in law flipped out and sent my dad packing. Can you believe that? 88, barely able to walk, on oxygen and she threw him out. My brother nearly divorced her. He should have. My sister Leenie and I have not been able to forgive her. But we immediately took him home and have been trying to make arrangements. She has been awesome as have her kids in staying with him and taking care of him but with a full-time job - it has not been easy. I flew home for his birthday last month and stayed with him 3 nights, caring for him during the day. We have a bit of extra help and all siblings on board but it has been tough.
Dad has a lady friend, Joan. 92 years old but sharp as a tack. She suddenly started giving all of us a hard time and a bum rap to our dad. She was caustic, demanding, unappreciative and complained constantly. Just what we all needed on top of all the work and stress. Colleen would go to pick her up after work and - that time didn't work for her. On Easter Colleen made them both a wonderful meal and gave her a gift then went to take her home and she flipped as she wasn't ready. (She lives 30 min away and can't drive right now - spends the weekends with dad). So - last weekend my brother picked her up and we had all compiled a list of "rules' so to speak. she had yelled at my sis in front of dad (which caused him much anguish and breathing difficulties), she also was phoning constantly and complaining to him about us on the phone. We told her she needed to keep the calls to once or twice a day, no yelling in the house and the complaining needed to stop. She went nuts. Screaming at everyone again to the point we had to ask her to leave. Which she refused. From Florida, I was on the phone with them for nearly 2 hours. My dad was having trouble breathing. Was so upset that everyone he loved was fighting. I told him it was not the case. That Joan was creating the problem. UGH - what a mess! She stayed the weekend. So did Colleen but the tension was great! Looks like she is back this weekend again. It better be better. The past couple of days with her not around - he has been doing great! His appetite has improved. His humour has improved and he has been so loving and sweet on the phone. He doesn't realize it is when she is not there though.
So - on to my ex. My interaction with him has been almost non existent. Works for me. He has not seen Ryan since November. Texted me a month ago to ask how he was but did not ask to see him. Fine…
But Ashley is having issues with him. Recently she needed to renew her expired passport and found her birth certificate had been laminated (by him). She told him off for doing that and causing her to have to get a new one, delaying her passport and causing her to pay more to expedite so she didn't miss her trip south to spend Easter with me. He blamed it on me! (No - it was definitely him but I explained to her it was not done purposefully, just a bit lame). She wanted him to pay for the new one and he refused and got angry with her. But there is more…
I never mentioned this here but on the day we split - (he was arrested for DUI etc) - he was also arrested for performing an indecent act and he was naked on arrest. He also threatened to kill me - told the officers. Well - that all made the newspaper in our little cottage town. But it was off season when it made the paper and few people who knew us saw it. But I had a copy. Which I should have destroyed years ago. But…
Ashley found the article a couple of weeks ago and flipped. Finds her dad totally despicable. Told me she no longer wants any type of a R with him. I told her I understood but since she rarely sees him anymore - maybe best not to say it - just to ease back. To my knowledge she has not yet confronted him but…
Easter came. She and my niece were here and it was wonderful. But she mentioned to me the day after that she had not heard from her Dad - first time ever. The next day she flew home but messaged me that my son, Brandon, had not heard from him either. She was worried. I told her that he had texted me recently and not to worry. I just think his head is still firmly stuck up his A$$ and he will never be the dad she wants him to be. He has maggot's grandchildren now - what does he need with kids???? I am letting the kids figure this out for themselves. He is a total jerk and always will be.
But I am enjoying glorious days in the sun. I look forward to going back home to Canada next week and preparing my cute little cottages for summer rental.
And that's my Update for those of you who remember me. Life goes on after Divorce. Mine is better than ever!
OMG, Barb. I knew things were stressful, but I had no idea that your entire family was auditioning for Maury! Holy doo doo of epic proportion!
I don't know what to say. Your SIL? Wow. Your Dad's GF? Wowsa. Chuck? I'm falling over in my chair floored. I feel so bad for Ashley. That's just so awful, and words can't even find a way to my keyboard. I honestly can't come up with any words that might offer support or comfort. That is some crazy sh!t.
But I'll offer you an e-hug. I'm glad you updated. This isn't the type of stuff you share on FB. I'm super glad that Josh is supportive. That's the one thing in your narrative that seems awfully right. Good for you.
Hugs, Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Lol - is it bad that reading your previous post about the kids not hearing from him, I was disappointed that it didn't end in "turns out he had a heart attack and was found dead on the bathroom floor"? Evil of me, I know, but I was actually hoping for that ending!!!
I agree on both counts. But only the good die young.
Dad's girlfriend has lived mostly alone for a long time and may be estranged from her niece (closest relative) because of her recent behaviour. But I have been thinking dementia too. It's just too extreme.
Barb, I'm so sorry to read about your dad. I agree w/kml about "Joan". I recently saw similar behavior in a woman at the local nursing home who became very attached to male patient there. They get very angry when things aren't to their liking and nothing pleases them and they become overly protective of the person that they think they are partnered with. Her behavior isn't helping your dad's situation and he definitely needs peace and quiet in order to rest.
I'm so sorry about Chuck. He's a piece of work and doesn't realize or care that he has wonderful children and won't or can't recognize all that they've accomplished in their lives. Such a shame.
I'm glad you and Josh found each other because you both can be there to support each other through the good times and the bad times. I do hope that you and your family can find a way to settle down and enjoy life a bit more as a family.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It helps to hear of a similar situation as with Joan. As I was flying home on Thurs she phoned my sister at work and announced she was coming that afternoon and staying til Sun night. Sis feared the worst. She called Dad and Joan and offered to bring food and that helped settle things down a bit as Joan had showed up and been rude to our worker that day who happens to be my sister's friend.
And Dad now has shingles! Started a week ago. Brought on by the stress Joan caused I'm suspecting. Then my first night home he had a bad fall in the night and hit his head. Paramedics were called and Life,one phoned everyone at 5 AM to let them know.,both my sister and Joan were with him, he seems more disoriented.
Just checked with Ryan's worker. Seems Chuck only once asked how Ryan was doing all winter. Has not asked to see him. Works for me. Good news - Ry is doing fab. Loves his new sunroom. Has regular visitors - deer- to the window to peek in on him, just like the forest creatures in Bambi. Josh is building birdhouses and putting them and a variety of feeders nearby so Ry can see more birds and squirrels. The kitties love it to. He went to see Jungle Book yesterday. The girls are taking such good care of him.
It is so lovely and warm! Hitting 68F here today. So much nicer than last year when I came home. We checked out ththe cottages - exciting and had our contractor over for estimates in a few finishing a to our addition and home repairs. Springing ahead!
It's hard to leave those glorious Florida days but I'm happy to be here. It helps to have my brand new SUV. Ordering from Florida worked out fine. It was there when I got home and it is just a dream vehicle for me! Cherry is her name and she I and plan many adventures ahead!
It helps to hear of a similar situation as with Joan. As I was flying home on Thurs she phoned my sister at work and announced she was coming that afternoon and staying til Sun night. Sis feared the worst. She called Dad and Joan and offered to bring food and that helped settle things down a bit as Joan had showed up and been rude to our worker that day who happens to be my sister's friend.
And Dad now has shingles! Started a week ago. Brought on by the stress Joan caused I'm suspecting. Then my first night home he had a bad fall in the night and hit his head. Paramedics were called and Life,one phoned everyone at 5 AM to let them know.,both my sister and Joan were with him, he seems more disoriented.
Just checked with Ryan's worker. Seems Chuck only once asked how Ryan was doing all winter. Has not asked to see him. Works for me. Good news - Ry is doing fab. Loves his new sunroom. Has regular visitors - deer- to the window to peek in on him, just like the forest creatures in Bambi. Josh is building birdhouses and putting them and a variety of feeders nearby so Ry can see more birds and squirrels. The kitties love it to. He went to see Jungle Book yesterday. The girls are taking such good care of him.
It is so lovely and warm! Hitting 68F here today. So much nicer than last year when I came home. We checked out ththe cottages - exciting and had our contractor over for estimates in a few finishing a to our addition and home repairs. Springing ahead!
It's hard to leave those glorious Florida days but I'm happy to be here. It helps to have my brand new SUV. Ordering from Florida worked out fine. It was there when I got home and it is just a dream vehicle for me! Cherry is her name and she I and plan many adventures ahead!
Well it seems the daughter who really didn't want a relationship with her dad anymore is worried about him. Messaged me in the middle of the night. She has not heard from him in months and is worried.
Next week is Brandon's birthday. Although he is pretty much a deadbeat - he has never missed their birthdays. But no word from him about plans. Both Ashley & Brandon texted him last night and got no reply. And are really concerned. I wonder if for some reason he can't drive and doesn't want to tell the,. Or if he is just being a jerk again.
Dad had a very bad fall (not sure if mentioned this before). Cracked his tooth that was to hold his new dentures. Now they have to do another fix. His head was bumped and he has been somewhat confused. Sleeping too much. Wondering if it is from the Shingkes meds. Sis was really worried and messaged me in the night. Barely got out of bed yesterday, didn't want to eat or take meds. He is diabetic so that's really concerning.
Sunny day. Bit of a road trip and meeting friends for lunch. Must keep enjoying what life has to offer. I will see Brandon for his birthday on Sunday then travel to see Dad on Mon. We've been blessed with glorious weather!
