trekfan, If you posted anything between late 1999 and up till now, I may have responded to some of your postings. My former user name was "snodderly". If you don't mind, can you provide your old user name? Maybe I can dig around in the archives as well as my memory bank as to how we assisted you previously.
BTW, I'm very sorry that you had to return, but we have a great group of posters on all of the forums who will be more than happy to post to you and provide you support and/or guidance. I generally post over on the MLC Forum, if you should happen to come over to visit.
First thing...take care of yourself. Congratulations on taking the first step on the treadmill. It will get easier as time marches on.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think I remember "snooderly". . There were so many supportive folks on this board back then, and I couldn't resist trying it again. I can't find many of my former posts. I looked at first, because I assumed it was all tied together. I am certain some of it is related. But I want to focus on the time when we were "right" with each other after we got remarried. That was the happiest I have been since we were stupid 25 year olds and thought nothing could come in between us.
The tactics that helped me the most back then were detachment, going dark, and pursuit/distance.
I had a great day today! I am a teacher and spring break is over after tomorrow. So I got a pedi and a haircut, and have tried to relax. Didn't listen to negative music. He does that. He listens to all this "she [censored] and I should leave her" music.
Had a decent day with H yesterday. Got up and went out to eat then went for a drive. Stayed light and tried to be happy and laugh.
The other morning, as he was leaving for work, he voluntarily kissed me on the mouth and said he loved me. Last night when I was heading to bed earlier than him, I did the same. This morning as I was leaving for work, I did the same. I am quite sure it is in my head, but I got this feeling that maybe it made him uncomfortable. I will say that he has a big day today and already told me that he had a lot going on in his head with plans for the day. Maybe I am misreading him.
Sooooo ???? Should I keep on as if it were still natural to kiss him (peck, not a real kiss) and say I love you, or should I stop doing that? Part of me says that until he gives me a clear signal that he doesn't want me to do that, I should continue "as if." The other part says I am pushing and should stop.