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This almost seems to be about your confidence in yourself.

It often isn't our changes that cause us to reduce intimacy, it's the effect it has on confidence.

For instance, weight gain of itself isn't the issue it's the effects of it, the stories we tell ourselves. I have a friend who is larger than life, and gorgeous, sexy and so sassy. At 20 lbs over weight I feel like a frumy dumpy. It's attitude.

Then things start to decline on the intimacy in an R, connection gets lost.

This is about you primarily and finding that spark in you. DB worked for you last time and there are positives there. You say that you are not as detached.

Have you another poster name, as it could be useful to know the journey that was successful for you last time. You can always say no V and I am happy with that.

So what do you think was key to repair of your R?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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Originally Posted By: Vanilla
Have you another poster name, as it could be useful to know the journey that was successful for you last time.

This username was made in 2003 and most of her posts have been purged.


Me-68, D35,S34
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trekfan Offline OP
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I am currently taking stock of my roles in this train wreck. Trying to take some baby steps. For example, I am a teacher and usually sleep late on the weekends. today I got up early with him. I am trying to leave him alone and not be over-eager. So I am sitting with the dogs on the couch talking to you kind folks while he is at the table drinking coffee and reading the news. Hoping he isn't taking this as me trying too hard...

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trekfan Offline OP
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I agree about the confidence issue, Vanilla. It is a vicious cycle. The intimacy started to wane, but I was scared to question why for fear that he would come out and say it was me. Then the weight started comin on. Then the resentment and even more fear. Honestly one of my first thoughts when he said we should separate was that no one else would have me.

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trekfan Offline OP
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He says things like "It's my [his] fault that you never had a baby. I took that away from you." And he seems so sincere. He says, "I am so afraid that you have wasted your life on me. That I have stolen it away." At one point he said, "I think about what do I do when one of the kids [niece/nephew] says 'she has a boyfriend'?" And he seems genuinely distraught.

He has been working a lot lately, and yesterday was the first day he was off in forever. So last night he takes shower, takes a Xanax, and goes to bed at 7pm. My biggest fear this morning was that he would wake up with a clear head and say, " Now I can think clearly, and I really don't want to try this."

He didn't, but then again, he never wants to argue or have a confrontation before going to work. So it may come tonight.

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Stay in the here and now. I found no good in playing out the possibilities. Make the most of the present moment.



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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trekfan Offline OP
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OMG! He was leaving, and before he left we had a pleasant conversation..initiated by him! And then as he was leaving, he went to kiss me on the forehead but changed and kissed me on the lips instead! And said he loved me!

I know this is a little thing, but yesterday he kissed my forehead and his "I love you" I could tell was forced/reluctant. Today he seemed genuine.

Taking slow deep breaths and praying he has a decent day at work and we can have a nice evening.

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You have no control over your H, if he is depressed or musing he may want to compensate with work.

Your confidence is something that can be worked on however.

What are your goals for you?

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


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trekfan Offline OP
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Short list...

Lose weight
Stop panicking
Stop thinking of this and the "what ifs" CONSTANTLY

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trekfan Offline OP
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Yippee for ME! I just got on a treadmill that has been collecting dust for three years!!

Ok, now I have to go lay down and have a heart attack. Or stroke. LOL

I am sooooo out of shape. BUT...the first step is the hardest, right? And today I took that first step! smile

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