well we went to court for our custody battle / divorce on my bday this past feb25th. Unfortunately the court was rescheudle because they had 8 CPS cases infront of us and they only had 1 judge. grrr!! i still had to pay my translator for my witnesses + my L + all the ppl i served Police department included. They reschedule for April 6, which also happens to be her bday. What a coincidence. But i dont think it's a coincidence i think it's God working his plan. I left all my worries to the man up stairs and i feel wonderful.
I had a small victory with my wife this past saturday over txt.Which happens to be the first time my W apologizes to me over something. First time in like 4 yrs. Here is the scenerio. I get to her house on saturday in order to pickup my daughters and well my W was at work. Her mother was home so she gave me my girls. She hands me over their stuff and clothes. She also tells me that my 1yr daughter is no longer using a bottle or pacifier and she gives me this zippy cup that is for training. I tell her no thanks i will look for that zippy cup and buy my own because i will eventually need it too. I leave the house with my daughters and well 10 min later i get a txt from my W. reads like this :
Wife : "Sophia has not had a bottle or pacifer for a week now. please do not give her either. i have a new cup for her use that only. when you bring them back please bring back their bows you didnt bring back last time as well of all of their belongings they took now, thank you."
"My mom told me that you didnt want to take the cup, which i dont understand why its for her well being, please make sure its the same cup i got her when you do buy her one. I got that one for a reason its better for her teeth because they were already getting a little deformed from the round bottle and zippy cup. tahts why the cup is so importat."
I reply : " I told her i would buy one . If i need to get the exact one, where did you buy it?"
Wife : " NI got those at walmart. Im not trying to be mean, if thats how its coming across but you know how i am when it comes to the girls health and her teeth were really becoming round, i dont want our problems to come in between their well being , thats all."
Me: " No, not all. I just dont think you are responsible for providing me items that i will need and that i can buy, thats why i told your mother she can keep it and i will buy one. Also just to be on the same page I am assuming no more pacifier?"
( this is where it gets crazy)
Wife : " Why are you always trying to make me look like a bad mother. its like everything i try and tell you for the well being of my kids so we can be on the same page and work together. you try and flip to negative so you can win a case and you dont even realize that it doesnt matter who winds the case in the mean time we have two kids who dont our prblems involved wether i have them or you have them we have to work together when it comes to them. i dont know what else you want i left her cup and you refused it and if you read the text i first sent you it says no pacifier. youre just so set out to try and get me that you cant even read you messages right its a shame. Not even for their well being can you put your pride and our problems aside."
me: "HUH?? I just answered you that , No you didnt come across as mean. I just felt i needed to buy her my own . I dont know how that is giving you the message that i think youre a bad mother? But anyways, i dont have the nevergy or time to even explain how im right or wrong or vice versa. im with my girls. 1yr old has her exact zippy cup you bought , end of story.
Wife: " when you call me irresponsible after i was responsible and left the items for you to take it is offending"
Me: " Helen, read the txt again. i said, I just dont think you are responsible for providing items i can buy , or is not your job to give me those things, it's not fair for you. In other words it's my job it's my responsibility to buy those things which includes diapers, milk , food,thermometer , wipes, etc. I dont expect for you to have those things in the bag either. Does that make sennse?"
Wife: " OK well i apologize i really re read it like 5times and it looks like txt is missing. so i got a total different message. Thank you for getting her the cup."
Wow! thats the first time she apologizes to me in like 3 yrs lol! For me it's a small victory. I know it's pointless but she did apologize. I know that in the past i would of kept going back and forth back and forth but now her txt just irritates me at times like she wants to argue about evertyhing and quiet honestly im done with that. It probably bothers her tht i dont go in defense mode like i used too , or keep going. I feel better i feeel confident, I am at peace. I no longer let her get to me and control my emotions. I shut her out immediately.
It's a small, but excellent victory! Celebrate it and monitor.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Why is it that when you feel the strongest and start feeling like youre finally moving on , I end up having having days like today where i am bursting in tears. As i am writing this im forcing myself to stop crying. Why am i crying for a woman that doesnt love me? Why am i so stuck on this marriage that is already dead. Today was sunday and it was the final day of having my daughters for my weekend. I dropped them off and i saw my W helping her mother put in groceries inside the house. Man she looked beautiful. She is so gorgeous. I wish i could just run behind her and give her a really tight hug and tell her how much i love her and need her.
I am at my house right now , and i am just having random burst of tears towards this situation. I want my family back. I have been strong but today is taking a toll on me. I just wish this situation was over.
You have been very strong. It's natural to have bursts of sadness and tears. We have lost something very big in our lives, it's like a death, and in some ways much worse.
Be kind to yourself and let the tears flow for a while. There are stress hormones in tears that are released when you cry, so you feel better and more relaxed afterwards. Maybe distract yourself with a funny movie or some upbeat music or intense sports, and notice how our feelings can change within minutes...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
thanks for the advise. I have notice im been extremely stressful too because i can stop biting down my my molars. Perhaps these tears will help. What got me today was when my 1yr old was playing with this toy that plays this baby music ,she used to always play with when she was maybe 6-8months. And well i used to put her to sleep with that music. When she was playing with it i remembered how we used to be a family. And i burst into more tears because i remember how 7 months ago she took them from me and kept them away from me for 4 months. That did it. It brought me that fear again. I am still crying. How can i love this woman after all this?
Hello guys I haven't written here in forever, probably since april i believe. Well is been a hell of a ride. I am still going through court custody battle. The last time we had court was back in April 6 on my W birthday. Legally we are still married since nothing has happened since that date. My lawyer has been taking forever on trying to get me a new court date since the court is delaying a lot and they cant seem to get a hold of the coordinator " weird".
Well 2 weeks after out court on April 18 i got the terrible news that i was being laid off from my job. I was an operations manager for a trucking company. No one in the office could believe it and couldnt understand why they were letting me go. But my boss basically told me it was slow and the owner basically told him is either you or him. So i was out the door. But GOD is always watching over me. GOD always has a plan. 3 days later i walk into one of the biggest trucking companies in Houston and i demanded to speak with the regional manager. (I was pretty well dressed) I got to talk to the regional manager and basically told him what happened and i wanted a job here. He said " you fell from the sky because i have been looking for someone with your criteria. I got a job offer from the company 2 days later with my own new division and I being the terminal manager of the project. It was that simple, but it was easy because GOD had a plan.
I am still going through sorrow and suffering because i miss my wife, dont get me wrong. But i am ok. My wife sometimes tells me things just to argue. Last time she made a big deal because i was late 4 minutes to drop off my daughters. I was suppose to be there at 6pm and i arrived at 6:04pm. I just told her " if you have a problem call the police so they can make a police report and take it to court, other than that leave me alone". It felt awesome. I try my best not to fall in her trap and argue back and forth like we used to in the past. I dont let her affect my emotions and feelings anymore. Yeah i miss her and i would take care back in an instant. Sad isn't? But i am here. I am faking it until i make it.
One thing that has tremendously changed is my love and affection towards my daughters. MAAAN!! I talk to my daughters more, every single hour we are together i make sure i make the best of it. I show her and let her know i love them. I take them anywhere they want too. My oldest daughter who is 4 shows soo much affection now towards me, it's awesome! 2 weeks ago i had my daughters bday. I made a princess party and i ended up dressing them both as princess and i dressed as a prince as well. I invited my W and some of her family, my w didnt show up but only her aunt did. OH well!
I hope everyone is has a great 4th of July weekend!
