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Glad you shared that with us bigy. It is an awesome story and your takeaway message is as well. It is a comforting message to keep in mind as we go through this.

Jzmill #2686331 06/17/16 09:55 AM
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Was thinking about the "standing still" part of the message. Wanted to check with you guys on your thoughts about when we talk to God and ask for him to speak to us on something.

I know he is listening but do we not hear the answer/see sign bc it is not time to receive yet? Do you think some techniques we implement, God may not want us to do towards spouse (detaching)?

Jzmill #2686358 06/17/16 11:36 AM
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bigybiz Offline OP
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Jzmill: Thank you for bring up this very point. I don't know. I wish I did.

I do know we often scream at God and he whispers back.

I do know that God's timing and our timing are not the same

I do know that God created marriage and mankind has created S & D. Because of man's desire to be sinful and breakaway from God we are left with a variety of feelings, etc to deal with in our relationships.

So you may be following/Obeying God by being faithful and loving to your spouse and you will be rewarded for that. That reward may not come while you are on this earth - Yes that really [censored] to hear.

Your spouse may be following the ways of the world and will reject the love and commitment you have pledged and whatever happens is between them and God.

Yes, some of the techniques we use could be not what Jesus would do. Somethings would be OK. The hard part is to trust that God will take care of us no matter what.

I do believe that God would want us to be protected from bad thoughts, ideas and actions. So if detaching yourself is a way of not letting in bad thoughts, ideas, etc. Then God would be fine with that. The other side of the equation is we need to focus on God first.

All very easy to say - very hard to do.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Jzmill #2686545 06/18/16 02:40 PM
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Originally Posted By: Jzmill
Was thinking about the "standing still" part of the message. Wanted to check with you guys on your thoughts about when we talk to God and ask for him to speak to us on something.

I know he is listening but do we not hear the answer/see sign bc it is not time to receive yet? Do you think some techniques we implement, God may not want us to do towards spouse (detaching)?



I hope you don't mind me weighing in on this question Jzmill.

If I understand your question you are asking if detaching is a technique that God may not want us to implement?

Please read this from cadets homework to all of us before proceeding with my musings below.

Detachment
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414


IMHO, detaching is very important in the teaching of the Bible. God loves us unconditionally, yet is detached from each of us.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that everyone who believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
17For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.

God sent his son to us and let him be crucified so that we could be saved. Yet, he allows us the freedom to make our own choice.

I perceive that so many LBS in this community do not understand what detachment is. The homework cadet shares explains it very clearly. Yet many still think it means just giving up and not loving their S.
Why is this?

Maybe it is the definition of the word that confuses many here.
To disengage. It has many other meanings and many seem to indicate not connecting with another.
I can see that.
But then I challenge that everyone review cadets homework and Google livestrong detachment.
This will explain that healthy relationships require detachment.
It allows for 2 individuals to function as complete persons and then in turn they can better support each other.
One might argue that many of us are in the situations we are in due to unhealthy emotional attachments.

So my challenge is to look at this info as what is needed more so than the word itself.

So, my conclusion and IMHO are that biblical teachings are such that detachment is not only good, but a requirement to follow Gods teachings and words.
Also healthy habits for detachment are paramount for LBS as well as for individuals in healthy relationships.

And my friend bigy knows that I am hardcore when it comes to preaching detachment and working on it myself as I know it will help us not only in our current situations, but with future relationships as well.

Just my 2c.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SH_ #2687185 06/23/16 10:08 AM
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bigybiz Offline OP
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Collin et al. It's my turn to ask for prayer.

A minor development has happened - W and I will be seeing a marriage and family therapist on Friday morning- please pray for us. I had started family therapy with the kids, She wanted no part of it. The Dr told us that it we can only do so much without W. S15 relayed that to her. W attended two sessions. When I asked her if we should see the Dr independently W agreed. It's only one session - but it could be God working.

Please pray for us Friday morning 7:50 am


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
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bigybiz Offline OP
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Hello:

In my devotional this morning, I was delivered a "hard truth". As I personally struggle with what I can do to ... it's important to me that I have to remember what I should be focused on.

Read the excerpt below - I hope it means as much to you as it meant to me this morning.



When we get our lives re-centered upon Jesus Christ, understanding that He is the bedrock upon which a Godly marriage is built, then marriage reconciliation can and will occur. Not only does He need to be in our lives when you and I reconcile with our beloved spouses, but Jesus needs to remain a permanent partner in that marriage, being at the center of our family life. Our priorities are as follows:

1) Jesus Christ
2) Spouse
3) Children
4) Other family members
5) Church family
6) Our neighbors and friends both near and far, and finally
7) Our job is basically at the bottom of the list

If we keep these priorities in order, then we will find life is good, God will send His blessings. Our life outside our immediate family will fall into place and in one way or another as we bring glory to our Heavenly Father.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Joined: Feb 2016
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bigybiz Offline OP
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It's been a while since I put up my initial post (March 10, 2016)- so I thought I'd repost it - to keep it fresh etc.

I was quite moved by a post I saw. Someone stated that they were not doing well and had even given up on prayer.

I can tell you that one of the only things that is keeping me going is: I have an army of people praying for healing and forgiveness between my Wife and I.

I know it is not much - but I would be honored to pray for anyone out there. I'm not a clergy or a scholar or have any more answers than you. I can't promise any results - but I can pray for you.

If you would like me to pray for just reply with your username/handle. If you want to give a specific prayer request i.e. Healing, Strength, etc. put it in and I'll try to keep them all straight

Update - So far the list is about 20 DB members who receive prayer from me and others on a regular basis.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 170
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Hey Bigybiz,
I've been kind of quiet on here because I haven't really had any news to post. But how did counseling go?

We went once and I thought it was really positive, but now W doesn't seem to want to go back. I don't know if she's scared of hearing that I am hurting or what.

I need to be more active on these posts. I need the support. I do pray for everyone on here by name every morning. I know I'm slipping and falling into despair due to the unknown future. When this all first began I felt like I had a direction. Now, I just feel lost. I guess what I'm saying is, can you please pray for guidance for me? For me to find my direction and take it?


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
collin #2692558 07/25/16 04:32 PM
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Collin:

Months ago you asked me to pray that your W heart would soften. As I promised I have been doing that. I will certainly add that you need God to show you the direction to take.

I'm sorry to hear that your W quite MC. We have the same story - after 2 sessions she cancelled it. She did not want to face the issues we were discussing. I truly think it's because she wants to blame me for everything and if we actually get into them with the Dr - she will have to face the fact that she is to blame too.

I pray that we will return to MC.

Thanks for your post. I will continue to pray for you and all others.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 170
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Quote:
I truly think it's because she wants to blame me for everything and if we actually get into them with the Dr - she will have to face the fact that she is to blame too.

I believe you just hit the nail on the head.


M:36 W:31 D:12
M: 8/9/10
ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16
W moved out 5/24/16.
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