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Originally Posted By: 1313
And 24? Good grief. I didn't start dating my W until 23, and got married at 28. I've got socks older than you are. Heck, There are LP's I haven't played for that long (seriously). Oh, an LP is a flat, black vinyl thing you put on a... oh, nevermind.
The laugh and smile I got from that!

Tim is very much so correct in his approach. Protect those babies.

To add on to 1313. If I was 24 and not married, it'd be like white on rice. The problem is that most of the good guys that you are seeking were not properly reinforced by the ladies the jerks go for when they were younger. After being rejected enough times on things like clothing, looks, size of biceps, etc., the good guys just give up the fight.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
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Squiggy-All day today I have been practicing my power poses. I feel a little more confident today then usual. Hopefully doing it everyday is going to change how I feel about myself.

Tim- I wish I knew that before. H had a dog but he ignored it. He ignored our own dog. Maybe once in a blue moon she gets love but its 95% go lay down daisy, you're in my way daisy, get off the couch daisy etc from him. It is okay though she is mommy's big baby and the kids love on her 24/7.

YES I KNOW not to introduce men to my kids. It would be at LEAST 6 months solid dating and then maybe another 3-6 before I mentioned him being a boyfriend and besides just this is mom's friend. I do not want guys around my kids. Sometimes I think maybe I can wait until they go to college to date. I would be 38 with a 20 and 18 year old.

1313- Lol I have a few Lp's in my house from the previous owner. It's a record, I am young but I know some stuff. It did make me smile though reading that, I was like oh my gosh. You may have socks older then me though. I can't deny that one.

Squiggy- Yes my kids are my #1 priority right now. My sweet baby angels. My H asked how my sick son was and I said same as this morning, may need a hospital trip if his fever does not go down because he is not drinking or eating and may need an IV.( Dr said that.) I got a OMG are you serious, why are they always going to the hospital. I feel like he was mad about it. A- hospitals are the only thing open after 5 pm B- where else can your 3 year old get an IV at? Like really..I didn't reply because I just don't know what to say to that one.

Maybe when-if I need to man hunt I will have to be the assertive one and go for one of the quiet guys on the side vs that guys who want to be players and talk to me. Not that I have any desire to date right now.

I have a few older guys who do not care that I have kids and think I am so wonderful wanting to at least take me to dinner but I can't. The guilt of even thinking of going makes me say no.

One is 34, one is 28 and one is 30. All have good jobs(fireman/rn, a high up computer programming job, and a person in the military), own their houses, own their own cars, etc. But I worry they aren't really nice and just want me because I am an emotional vulnerable wreck aka easy target.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Glad it's having some effect. It's really just an extension of projecting a PMA and fits in with DBing perfectly.

As the dad whose son requests him when he is sick...Really? I mean, he really said that??? I should burn his dad card... Already convinced it's time to shred his man card...

You are going to have the doubt for a while, which is perfectly fine. It's only a problem when you let it become a barrier to moving forward. Be cautious, play it safe, and stick to your boundaries.

Psst...go for the quieter guys or the ones who aren't making sexy time the focus of their day. Just like with women, it makes us feel wanted and appreciated!


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"I have a few older guys who do not care that I have kids and think I am so wonderful wanting to at least take me to dinner but I can't. The guilt of even thinking of going makes me say no.
One is 34, one is 28 and one is 30."

Thanks Reds I was feeling ok today but now that I know I am elderly, I am not so sure. LOLZ


Me 41
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M 2013
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Confirm A 1/16
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Tim and Red - LOL! Well, I am older than you Tim, so that makes me ancient :-).


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
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Tim!!! I tried very hard to ignore the ages she put as old. Now my knees hurt...thanks. smile


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I'm older than all of you, but young at heart! Keep up the good work, R. Practice those power poses, too!


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
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Red, my sweetheart,

I am old, very, very old but still have some fire left to try and make my XH to fall for me again. And who knows had some weird interaction with a guy "40"!!! this baby is 10 younger then me.

At the end of the conversation it is not really about the age and it is more about what we do during the time we gain that age.

I had a R before my XH. He was from Poland, me... from Brazil at that time. We fell in love, lived in Singapore for awhile and then we went back to Brasil. After a year, I got pregnant, right when he was leaving to Poland to take care after some business stuff. Cutting the story short, our distant R did not work and one day I said enough.

I actually did DB stuff that time, even without knowing it. Got myself in a better place psychologically, got a good job, had my kid in a good day-care/school, was looking really good.

After all that work, well... then I had time to my emotional side and found my XH. My kid was never the issue for us to be together at that time.

Things happen Red. I just think that it is not time to think much about this whole guy thing now. You are not in the right place emotionally, and to tell the truth, you are not there yet in almost any area.

You are still married to you H. Please, think about anything you do before you do it. It's not hard to lose custody, and you may not know the extend of your H's intentions.

These days it is not hard to prove A or B and you could be facing consequences.

Also, don't lose track of what is important and really makes a difference moving forward. What about the money? Is he helping you the way he should? You mention a $200 resort room, is this being paid by his pay check? If it is, then you are paying for it too since you are still married to him.

Please, do not distract yourself with foolish stuff that will come to play into your life you want or not, the guy thing is just part of our nature, and if you decide to go for at some point when you are healed, in one piece, then it will happen naturally. When you are ready... you do not need to hunt for a guy!

But, what about the house? I was told that even if the house was supposed to be shared because it also belonged to me since we were married. Since it was in his name alone, he could sell it without my permission. I went to the bank and also was told that they do not care about who has rights on it, they just care about the name that it is on.

So, drink that coffee in the morning.

It's hard Red, to juggle with all the emotions, the problems, the kids, friends, GAL, this board, the idiot H, your feelings, and the reality of a separation is very hard.

The good and bad news are that there is no other way. You need to focus in yours and your kids well being. Make sure the Jerk is not doing anything to hurt you financially. He may regret later, but right now he is not seeing it clear.

Know where you stand Red. It's important.

About your confidence, I can just say that it takes time to have it back and strong. Give yourself time. You told us that you hit the 100lbs loss not too long ago. Give yourself credit for little accomplishments, do the Squiggy's homework and in time it will be back.

In regard of the hugs and kisses with you H. We can be walking with a cane and if you do not decide when it is enough, it will continue. I did it many times until one day I saw myself better without it. Every time I did, I end up hurting myself so bad that the day I stood up and said "NO, I do not want this because it is not good for my and I need to respect myself" that's when I felt so much better.

From that time on, it was just a lot easier. You may be like me, it is only when you wake up, that you will see it.

And that's why I say to you: Every time you hug, kiss, have sex, talk to, explain, answer the phone... every single time you need to look at it and ask yourself..."What did I learned from it?"

This question will help you to slowly move into a place where you are more important then anything or anyone else, including your kids. There will be a time that it is about you.

Be careful about sex Red, there are a lot of sexual transmitted sicknesses and even having treatment for most of them, this is not fun stuff. Think about yourself first.

Also, have you schedule an apt with you doctor to get checked? Your H was sleeping with both of you, who knows if the scam bag was sleeping with someone else? See the cycle? Getting yourself checked is also a way to treat that head of yours. It's hard to walk to your doctor and say that you want to be checked because the idiot H cheated. That will help with the disconnecting part.

About thinking what they are doing or not doing, just believe that the heat of the R fades at some point. Yeah, they will make love up in a tall tree at 3am in the morning, but who cares. How clean is that love when they both know what they did?

Eventually every thing becomes routine, every Kama Sutra position becomes normal, then what will be there? Pain? Even the most stupid one, will think about what they did at some point in time.

Your H may never come back to you, but it is 100% certain that he will regret what he is doing one day.

So, as much as you can, try to negotiate with your subconscious and unconscious mind. Instead of thinking what they are doing, think that they are not having the same fun anymore. Before it was amazing, the secrecy of it, the teenager feeling. Now it is all in the open, now she can start her brilliant job of making his life a hell.

Sit, wait, let it blow by itself. Be out of the picture and let him get tired of the scum bag. You may think that it is all sunshine and it can easily becoming a storm that will turn into a tornado soon enough.

Project your thinking in what you want to happen. The universe is at work.

Be Red. Try to cry once in awhile and then let it go. Take this time to rediscover "YOU". Reinvent yourself and be beautiful for you first. After all, the only person that will always be beside you, is ... YOURSELF!!!

Love,
Pink


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S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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You guuuuuys when I said OLDER I MEANT older than me lol not old in general. You guys cracked me up today reading my messages on the ages. Age is just a number. I think double my age is the oldest I would go though.

Squiggy yes he said that- then after (about 2 hours later he called in the car which means he prob was alone at the moment.) he called to check in and ask if he was okay and how he was doing. My baby boy is a daddys boy and howls for daddy non stop the last 2 days. It really makes it hard for s3 since he just does not understand still.

Oh and my POWER STANCE HELPED ME TODAY. I had my teacher tell me I was confident( I went to class to keep practicing for my state board.) AND one of my moms for the preschool said I seemed more myself then I have seemed in months.

Today was hands down one if the WEIRDEST DAYS I have had with my H so far. I'll type that up in a minute.

Pink! My lovely amazing pink, I always miss you and always love when you write to me. I'm glad you told me your story and about how your son was never an issue for you and your H. I know it is a dumb silly thing to worry about, but I worry sometimes.

I think the resort and whatever money he is spending is his half of the income taxes aka 2900$ and he gave me 2900$ so I'm assuming he is using that money.

Yes he is still paying the house,utilities, cars, insurance, phones, credit cards etc for both of us and gives me 400$ (200$ a paycheck)for gas and food. Today he gave me 250$ an extra 50$ if I want to buy myself something. (Random but I'll take it.)

I was told the same about my house situation so I will not even be trying to get the house. It is okay though, I have my back up plan all worked out for my living.

No I haven't been checked but I see my dr this week and will ask her. She knows my situation since she is the person who has me on all my meds.

I think the other day was my rock bottom and now I'm like I do not want this and need respect for myself moment.

I do need to rediscover and recreate myself into the person I want to be. I love ya pink.

Xoxo Red


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Wow you did a complete one 180 from yesterday to today. Great job, even for a young whipper snapper!


Me 41
W 33
M 2013
Suspect A 11/15
Confirm A 1/16
She moved out 2/14/16
Stepson 13
Stepson 16
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