New Thread for Help

[CWOL]

Advised to start a new thread.

Here's my previous:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2659515&page=1

[CWOL]

I'll repeat my previous unanswered question:

Does anyone have experience using a divorce mediator? I'm wondering if that's a better option than the current process which is guaranteed to p*ss off both sides.

[Sparkls]

I haven't but just from my reading, there have been a few places that recommend it. Tends to yield less harsh feelings.

[Thornton]

I've been to a mediator with ex-wife. The mediator is completely unbiased. Didn't help at all because my ex was out to get me and spittin' mad.

She didn't agree to one single thing. Even the mediator rolled his eyes at her.

[CWOL]

I haven't but just from my reading, there have been a few places that recommend it. Tends to yield less harsh feelings.

Yes, that's what I was thinking, compared to the route that she's on now, which almost guarantees animosity... That's probably even more important than the legal $$ saved.

[CWOL]

Ok, so at the end of January, after I caught WW planning to file (a couple weeks before she filed), we agreed to split up the credit cards. We used to use mostly my cards but she had one that she took out on her name. So she kept hers and I kept mine.
We also split up the expenses and she was supposed to pay hers and I paid for mine as well as the household's.
We have her health insurance separately, since it was a lot cheaper than for me to get it through work. It has always been billed separately, so I told her we'd put it on her CC and she agreed. Our son's is still on my CC.
Her bill came last month, and I gave her a check for the household portion that she bought, about half the charges on the card, made out to the CC company directly. She now claims that I should have paid for her insurance. She took the check and now I check the CC, she only made a $25 minimum payment. She never used my check. What do you think she is doing? Is she trying to claim that all debt is still part of the community property?

She has filed in early February but she has not moved out. She claims her attorney told her to wait until we have the temporary custody done.

[1313]

I'll repeat my previous unanswered question:

Does anyone have experience using a divorce mediator? I'm wondering if that's a better option than the current process which is guaranteed to p*ss off both sides.

CWOL,
I'm in agreement with Thornton - although I've not used one.

I had actually expected a mediator when the W started floating the D word but instead she lawyered up and filed out of the blue.

A mediator is used when both sides usually agree on the split, or at least agree on who gets what. Normally, a L is used for child custody when sides can't agree. Usually, most people agree who's DVD's are who's, who gets the pots and pans, etc. Like Thornton said, they're unbiased and don't have a dog in the hunt.

The lawyers on the other hand can vary greatly. Depends on what you want.

Since the W wants everything, and a little bit more, she's got a L. I've now found out she'll do and say whatever it takes to get what she wants.

I'm fine with not lying - as I've got truth on my side. Truth comes in the form of texts and emails that contradict the W's statements.

And you're right - Lawyers get in between the 2 of you. That's never a help if you do want to split amicably. My W's L seems to be egging her on - but then it's more money for him. In the end, the only winners will be the L's.

[TimR]

If there is not too much animosity already and there sounds as though there is not, I think a mediator could be good for you. Even if you can't agree on everything, at least there is less for litigation.

I have seen 3 different types of mediators. 1 decides what type of settlement should be reached and then try and guide the parties to that. 2 those that try and work the parties to a settlement by keeping them negotiating (my favorites). and 3 those that just don't really care and throw the towel in very quick. Ask around about them before you pick one.

[CWOL]

Ok, so at the end of January, after I caught WW planning to file (a couple weeks before she filed), we agreed to split up the credit cards. We used to use mostly my cards but she had one that she took out on her name. So she kept hers and I kept mine.
We also split up the expenses and she was supposed to pay hers and I paid for mine as well as the household's.
We have her health insurance separately, since it was a lot cheaper than for me to get it through work. It has always been billed separately, so I told her we'd put it on her CC and she agreed. Our son's is still on my CC.
Her bill came last month, and I gave her a check for the household portion that she bought, about half the charges on the card, made out to the CC company directly. She now claims that I should have paid for her insurance. She took the check and now I check the CC, she only made a $25 minimum payment. She never used my check. What do you think she is doing? Is she trying to claim that all debt is still part of the community property?

She has filed in early February but she has not moved out. She claims her attorney told her to wait until we have the temporary custody done.

OK, I talked to WW. She is claiming that she is still residing in the house, so the separation hasn't started, so her expenses need to be paid from the community property. I said, wait, you stopped contributing to the community property since the end of last year (secretly) and now you want *ME* to pay for everything? She said she cashed her checks because she needed "cash" for things, she has receipts for them...

Umm... How is this fair? The CC balance is not that much, about $2K total now, I can pay for it all. But I don't want to set a precedent on this until she moves out. For example, her medical insurance is separate from mine, shouldn't she have to pay for it herself (out of my support payment)? Also, it's dumb for us to be paying interest on the balance when I can just clear it.

Help me understand this please!

[CWOL]

[quote=CWOL]A mediator is used when both sides usually agree on the split, or at least agree on who gets what. Normally, a L is used for child custody when sides can't agree. Usually, most people agree who's DVD's are who's, who gets the pots and pans, etc. Like Thornton said, they're unbiased and don't have a dog in the hunt.

The lawyers on the other hand can vary greatly. Depends on what you want.

Since the W wants everything, and a little bit more, she's got a L. I've now found out she'll do and say whatever it takes to get what she wants.

I'm fine with not lying - as I've got truth on my side. Truth comes in the form of texts and emails that contradict the W's statements.

And you're right - Lawyers get in between the 2 of you. That's never a help if you do want to split amicably. My W's L seems to be egging her on - but then it's more money for him. In the end, the only winners will be the L's.

After my discussion on the CC with WW, it's going to be hard to get her to understand. She relies on her L in order to know every little step to take. Like the CC example, for a $2K bill it will cost both of us $2K in legal fees to settle. She gets emotional too, and her sense of entitlement is ridiculous.

Now we are discussing custody for S11. What are your suggestions for best way to do 50/50? We are thinking alternating weekends and split during the week. But the key is stability for the child, right?

All of these things $uck big time.