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#2657553 02/27/16 10:14 AM
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Before my old thread blocks, here is anew one if people have anything to post. I'll write when I have more time. I intend to use this thread mostly to record my actions and maybe put together a list of resources that I have found useful.

Over the last year I have read and probably forgotten so much useful info. I am thinking about compiling all of this as atool to help others. I am no expert but I have learned a lot. I may not have the time to do this but it is a thought.

Many people disagree with the concept that we have been given the gift of time. I can understand them, but this has been the worst and the best thing to have happened to me. I have learned so much. It is really when challenged in tough situations that we learn the most about ourselves.

Anyway welcome to my latest thread. Iwill most likely copy some posts from the last thread and then remove it. This is for security reasons but also because Ishare actual info about my current situation that is useful to get the help I need.But it is still personal stuff.



http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2625318#Post2625318

Last edited by Cadet; 02/27/16 11:06 AM. Reason: Link

R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2657673 02/27/16 07:37 PM
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Are you leaving us at the end of this thread?



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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I'm going nowhere for a long time my friend. I was just in a very reflective mode when I started my new thread .

I am not yet the man I want to be, but I am getting there.

I am not yet the dad I want to be but am a good one.

I am not yet in the R I want. I am not suffering at the moment in my M but it is not where I want it to be. The only sure thing about that is thatiit will change.It is inevitable. What that change will be we'll have to wait and see.

So I am here for the foreseeable future. I may not be overly active here but I will keep up with a few posters.I purposefully avoid new threads. This is to avoid being brought down by more and more marriage breakdowns.But eventually I will come back to help newbies, if I can. Selfish maybe but fornow it has to be about me and what is best for me.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2657749 02/28/16 05:33 AM
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That's good news, not about your life but about you not leaving. The newbies keep coming, I'm glad they've found this place but there is a never ending supply of them.

Hang in there roiste, make the best choices each day and see where the path leads you. Thank you for your support, it has made a difference in my life. Peace



“Character is destiny” Heraclitus
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I finally finished reading "codependent no more". There are some good insights but I found some of it overpadded with less useful stuff. That being said it was worth the read and I think it is a book I could reread and take notes from.

I am slow at reading as to read you need to take the time to just read. This is why I prefer listening to podcasts. At the moment I am listening a lot to those on the "excel at life" website. Some really good stuff there aboutm mindful thinking, happiness, self esteem, etc. They also have an application for Android telephones which is free.

At the start of the year I signed up for several marriage help email lists. When I started my journey that was an obsession and I listened repeatedly to marriage help videos and podcasts. Now it is not an obsession but I find it useful to have different inputs. That helps me tweak my behaviour and actions. At this stage I know that my M will not work until the day my W decides she wants it to. I can do nothing to make that happen. I can only do what I can on my side and in time that may be enough.But even if not, I am learning and doing a lot of small stuff that will serve me in the future.

I have just sorted a big issue that was hanging over me about work. It was a big source of stress, but I was confident that I would get through it and be OK. Well not only did it not cost me a lot of money which it did look like for a while I actually earned a lot from it. That was unthinkable when this arose last autumn.Just goes to show that things can work out better than expected.

This week when looking for a file on the computer I came across twoketters that I had written to my W. I was replying to a letter she had given me about us not being good and her not knowing a solution.At the time I was in full depression. I found the letters to be well written and clear. But they were mainly outlining how I felt. I can see that now. One mentioned me being stressed for years over us not being as good as I wanted. The major thing about this is that these were written at the end of 2013. I knew how long we were not great but seeing it in black and white really hit home. I still feel some of the stuff I expressed back then. Re-seeing how long I have been struggling could have knocked me for six. I suppose it did a little. But instead of bringing me down it has remotivated me.

I have a fair bit on this weekend.

Thanks for reading.Happy thoughts everyone and have a good weekend.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2659481 03/04/16 03:10 AM
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I forgot to mention that those books are my private reading.At bedtime I am reading books for parents. When I am too tired for learned reading I read sports autobiographies or fiction, just for pleasure
.

I am back exercising and training too. May even do a short run race in April. If I do I will do it to be fastest possible and not just to finish.II like to push myself.I am not as fit as I was but I think I can refind a similar speed level to back when I was fit for a short race. It is something to aim for at least.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2659532 03/04/16 07:29 AM
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Just checking in this am, have a lot to get to today before we head up to put little conclave.

I am super stoked for you on thst issue that has been hanging over your head. Have tou spoken ro wife about it, given toursled permission to celebrwte your well earned victory, maybe even ask her to houn you in thisnlittle toast tobyour achievemebt? Find a sitter take yourself out to dinner...what do you think wink

I will tip a cool stout for you tonight!

Mark


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Zephyr #2659580 03/04/16 10:27 AM
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Yes we discussed it.

Cheers mate


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
roist #2661548 03/11/16 05:36 AM
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Hope your weekend is filled with fun and maybe...just maybe a touch of excitement!


M - 40's
W - 30's
Two Sons
Living together
Zephyr #2661652 03/11/16 09:50 AM
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You're doing it the right way, Roiste!

Thanks for all the help you've given me on my journey!

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