Hurt, lonely, drowning

[mbebos]

My W was my best friend as well. There is nothing I have a harder time with than talking to new people, and even more so making new friends. I don't click with many people. I am not a normal guy who can hold conversations about sports. People think I am conceited because I don't make the effort to make new friends or reach out to people, but it is my long term problems with social anxiety (from horrendous physical bullying as a kid), abandonment (death and abandonment, and now this), and just not feeling like I am worth people's time. I even felt this way when things were normal. My whole adult life has been with my W. I don't have a lot of memories without her. I can't even hold conversations now without talking about the time the W and I did X or Y. We didn't have many social hobbies. Our hobby was entertaining and family time. No one in her family wants to shun me, they are all mad at her for what she is doing to me, but she is their real family. My in law family has been all I have had for so long, I am mourning them all as if they have died.

Before BD, even though our relationship was troubled, we were still good friends most of the time with few day to day issues. Now, although everything is friendly between us, she keeps saying she wants to be friends but won't let me close and avoids just about everyone.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know I have a lot of work to do. When I am buried under a mountain, I will often spend months on the strategy with no action, making the mountain worse. I just need to take the first bite.

[CWOL]

If it gives you any comfort, I am going through exactly what you are going through. Luckily, I told many of my WW's friends about the A before she was able to spin her lies. Almost all of them have been "inoculated" by my version, which is the truth. So WW avoids most of her true friends now, and only talks to her Enablers about divorcing me.
I've never had to deal with something so hard in my life either. What I have invested in for the past 20 years was taken away overnight, the moment I confronted W about OM. It is a very bitter pill to swallow.

[sandi2]

My W was my best friend as well. There is nothing I have a harder time with than talking to new people, and even more so making new friends. I don't click with many people. I am not a normal guy who can hold conversations about sports. People think I am conceited because I don't make the effort to make new friends or reach out to people, but it is my long term problems with social anxiety (from horrendous physical bullying as a kid), abandonment (death and abandonment, and now this), and just not feeling like I am worth people's time. I even felt this way when things were normal. My whole adult life has been with my W. I don't have a lot of memories without her. I can't even hold conversations now without talking about the time the W and I did X or Y. We didn't have many social hobbies. Our hobby was entertaining and family time. No one in her family wants to shun me, they are all mad at her for what she is doing to me, but she is their real family. My in law family has been all I have had for so long, I am mourning them all as if they have died.

This is heartbreaking to hear. Have you ever been to therapy? If not, why not be good to yourself and see one? Not a counselor, but a therapist.

[Ojap]

He Mbebos...

I think Sandi is on to something. I actually just got back from a session with my therapist (I am struggling with anxiety) and he gave me some fantastic tools to manage it. Some of them brought immediate self-awareness and relief.

It is a sign of strength to allow others to help you through the valley.

[mbebos]

I guess I don't really know the difference between the two. Both my primary IC and the one covering for her while she is on vacation, are MSW and LICSW. I have been going for 10 weeks now. The original one is definitely much better than the covering her vacation. He just listens and doesn't offer much advice.

An update from the last week. Stayed pretty busy this week, somewhat busy weekend coming up. It has been a month since I started daily meds, and I had 3 weeks of hell on them. I never even thought of the possibility the meds were making it worse. I just kept feeling like it was all me, but the emotions were so over the top and so absurd at times, that the doctor said it definitely happens a lot where things get worse before better. I did more research and found tons of people who went through what I went through. The doctors don't tell you that so you don't just go out and placebo yourself miserable. I have had about a week now of unexplainable relief. Still sad, still emotional, but more normalized. I was in the deepest darkest hole I have ever been in. I can finally breathe now that the meds are leveling off. Weight loss is stalled. I may have put a couple lbs back on, because I went into binge mode when I was at my low.

No other news. W still traveling. Haven't heard from her at all in a couple weeks. No idea when she is returning.

[daybyday]

Glad to hear that you got you something that eased the pain. Get back on the weight loss buddy. It does make you feel better. The more I lose(and i have about 60 more to go) the more confident I feel that I will be fine without her needless B.S. I do love my W and will not give up but what can we do but DB and GAL. Youre among friends pulling for you mbebos. Get started again buddy.

[Sl1322]

Mbebos,

U ok?

[sandi2]

Hope we hear from you soon.

[mbebos]

Hi everyone. Thank you for checking in. Things are much better. I am now definitely much more stable on the daily meds. I really had a hard go at it for awhile. Still dealing with sleep issues, but it is not nerves and thoughts and worry, it is now more something I can't explain. Like a clock I open my eyes at 3:00-4:00 am. This morning was 3:15 am. Can't get back to sleep after that. This is most likely a side effect of the med. I am working slowly to move the dose to the evenings. Even on weekends when I stay up much later, I will pop up at 5:00 am.

Everything else has been going much better. Been staying plenty busy for the most part. I am not trying to fill every minute of every day any more, and enjoying some of my down time. Meeting with the W tonight to go over her bills and start the transfer process to her. Haven't seen her in probably a month and a half, and only 2 brief conversations that she called me in the last month and a half. Everything is really friendly. No issues there. I will be telling her tonight it is time to start thinking about getting her stuff out of our apartment and into a storage unit at some point in the near future, as I will be looking to move into a smaller place. But that will all depend on what financial agreements we come to tonight.

I miss her, and I miss my family (her family), and it still [censored], but I am getting by. I no longer feel helpless. I am sure the meds have a lot to do with that.

IC is at a stop. My C got fired. I will be going back to my original C once she returns from vacation.

[TimR]

Mbebos, it sounds as though you are progressing and getting stronger. It might be with the help of meds but great news all the same. I can't say that you out of the woods but maybe, just maybe, you keep of the GALing the good days will become more frequent and the bad days will be less frequent and when a low hits you maybe it will not be as low.

You going out and staying busy is great it gives us opportunities to meet new interesting people and become a new interesting person ourselves. Best of luck to you.