New Guy - last thread New thread. Here was my last post: I wish I had something good to report. GAL has been non existent. Last couple weekends have been empty. People are either busy, not answering their phones, working in snow removal, or in a few cases some friends had some family medical issues. The depression is really setting in. Daily meds aren't touching it, and the "in case of emergency" meds help when I feel like I am drowning, but it just delays the pain. I had a 4.5 day weekend due to being really ill at the end of last week, and I wanted to crawl up into a ball and hibernate for 6 months, but sleep doesn't come or doesn't last.
Was supposed to attend a party at the wife's family house over the weekend, but I got uninvited. In the eyes of the MIL I am now the enemy. I did nothing wrong, and I can only chalk it up to guilt that the MIL and I have always been so close that she cannot bear to see me around. The W called and cried saying how sorry she was for her mother's actions. She checked on me repeatedly after that. She is away on another business trip. This party was the moment I was going to deliver the W the apology letter my DB coach and I wrote together.
IC has been stagnant. I go, I complain, he listens, I go home. Waiting for my original IC to come back from leave in mid March.
Prayer is no longer helping. I no longer know what to say. The more I have prayed the worse things have gotten. I feel alone in the dessert. I am losing my strength physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have been able to keep eating, although not all of the choices have been the healthiest.
I have had too many losses in my life, and I feel like I can't handle any more. I want one year. Just one year in my life where I don't have to deal with something major being wrong.
The one thing I am grateful for is my cousin. She has been there for me, calling to check on me, etc. She has been amazing. It makes me sad I didn't see her for 20 years when Dad took off.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Oh I wish I could give you a big bear hug!! I know how it is when people keep cancelling and do not want to go out so it makes GAL hard. I'm going to start going ALONE. It sounds depressing but I think it will be good. Have you thought of maybe going alone to try new things?
I'm really sorry you got uninvited from the party, I know that had to hurt.
Have you talked to your dr about switching your medicine or upping it? To see if it helps more?
Just know you are not alone and everyone on here is here for you!
I'm so sorry your going through this. I sure hope you get some relief. I am just beginning my journey of pain anxiety and depression. This time of year really stinks here also. depressing as hell.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
That's a lot to take in all at once. Remember, you aren't alone in all of this and you will feel better again.
M41 W39 D3 Open Marriage Request by W 6/15 BD 9/15 1st EA 10/15 2nd EA discovered: 1/16 I moved out: 1/16 2nd EA blew apart 2/16 PA 4/16 I've had enough, filing for D
Hang on in there. I know how it is to start to GAL but don't give up. I am a newbie too but you can only look after yourself at the moment. We all make choices we regret but keep yourself healthy, read, think, pray, meditate, whatever works for you but don't give up. Things change with time, don't be hard on yourself.
You are still really early in the process. I am so sorry you are feeling so depressed and lonely. I wish I could give you a hug, too. I agree with the posts above. Keep trying things until you get some relief. Is there anything you wanted to do but didn't because your W wasn't interested? I would definitely recommend some form of exercise. I know actually making yourself do it is nearly impossible but it makes such a difference even 30 minutes! ((hugs))
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
My IC has mentioned starting a new hobby, but I haven't been able to come up with anything. Exercise was going well until another month long bout of vertigo came back. I have been walking as much as I can with the cold weather. In the last few weeks, when I am by myself I cry. Sometimes for hours at a time. I went for a really long walk last week when it was just warm enough to get out, and cried the whole time. I don't know if it's the medications or just a phase or what.
Last night I went with friends to see a movie. I brought this movie up last week and they showed interest. I asked about it since and no one was answering me. They showed up at the house last night and picked me up with no warning. It was nice to be out, but they could tell I wasn't right.
I got invited to a friendly blackjack game on Friday night. It is an extended family gathering of a good friend of mine. I hate playing cards. Like really hate it. Alot. But I will probably go just to get out.
I have a followup next week to discuss my medications.
Me:34 W:33 R: 15 years M: 7 years W moved out: 11/21/15 BD: 11/20/15 - ILYBINILWY, PA once LRT: 12/14/15
Prayer is no longer helping. I no longer know what to say. The more I have prayed the worse things have gotten. I feel alone in the dessert. I am losing my strength physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have been able to keep eating, although not all of the choices have been the healthiest.
When we do not see immediate results, we often think our prayers are not heard. However, our eyes cannot see what God may be doing in the spiritual realm.
When I have been at my lowest and needing to feel that I really wasn't alone in the dessert, I found comfort reading the book of Psalms. King David had some very low points in his lifetime, which can be seen in some of those verses. Sometimes, we just have to be quiet and listen to God speak to us.
Anyway, I just wanted to give you a hug and tell you that you will make it through this valley.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
