Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 9 10
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
Oh Keefa, it is so great to hear you talking like this! I am so glad that you have hung in here and fought that which was trying to consume you till you gave up on life. You are a perfect example how things in life can turn on a dime. I don't necessarily mean the M, but situations change, and now to hear this happiness in your post b/c you have your boys with you. It's good! So good!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 322
H
Member
Offline
Member
H
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 322
Keefa, your words below are my thoughts exactly! There's something so humbling and grateful in them and that's all we can really say at the moment. Thank you for that.

"Financially I am screwed at the moment but I have a bed a pc and a tv. My now is not my forever. "


"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 73
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 73
well done keefe

your right DB may not reconcile a marriage but it is a set of rules to make sure we come out on top regardless.

I'm happy you got the boys this weekend and the way you presented your case factually made you look reasonable and open

have fun and enjoy

brad

Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
So glad to hear you feeling better and spending time with your boys, keefa. It's a good lesson that you shared that db'ing may not get us the reconciliation we all want, but it will get us stronger for wherever life leads us.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Fantastic news about getting the boys for the weekend Goes to show how life can change in a heart beat


Well done on the change of mindset

Take care. Rd

Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 91
K
keefa Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 91
well, the inevitable always happens. Dropped boys off on time outside a supermarket as 'ordered'. I'd got my eldest a new phone sim card to use on an old phone I had so we could text and share pics etc. he was over the moon to have whatsapp etc. The last message I got was him in tears because it was taken away from him by her for absolutely no reason at all. She is also denying me access again this week and it is half term. I am utterly sickened that a so called good mother would use children as an emotional tool, take away their contact with their Daddy. I am so angry. so so angry. She didn't say hello or even look at me when I dropped the boys off. This is not a sane person I am dealing with. My L seem to be next to useless. All they do is relay stbx's demands and I seem to have to comply like a good little boy.
This [censored] so much. I'm not so down as I was but how can this be right. it is so frustrating and I i'm exasperated. She had the bloody affair, all I want is to see my children.


me45,W43 S9,S5
T15yrs M10yrs
BD 4/07/15
W wants D 4/07/15
W filed 8/05/15
D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas,
W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 35
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 35
I guess I'm having a tough time understanding why you are being denied access to your boys. Is there a written agreement or judgement?


M41 W39
D3
Open Marriage Request by W 6/15
BD 9/15
1st EA 10/15
2nd EA discovered: 1/16
I moved out: 1/16
2nd EA blew apart 2/16
PA 4/16
I've had enough, filing for D
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
Keefa,

That is awful that you are being denied access to your children. My H is the one that had the affair and he sees our sons 40-50% of the time. I feel like it would hurt my sons even more if they couldn't see their father. Even though I think he is a liar and a cheater, I think they have to have a relationship with their father in order to get through this in a healthier way. I am shocked that the L can't do more to help you. It just seems completely unfair to your sons. I am so sorry.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 91
K
keefa Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 91
she is doing it because it gives her power and nothing more. I had an absolute fantastic weekend with my boys, I posted some facebook pics so my family abroad etc can be in on our activities. their infectious little smiles say it all. I can only imagine stbx is brooding over the amazing relationship I have with my boys.
Brutus3 There is no court order in place at the moment. She has made an offer of sat and half sunday every two weeks but this is simply not enough. My contact with my boys had up until her affair been daily and although I worked hard, I would always be there for breakfast or evening meal and always at home weekends. Saturday would be a chores and making things day, Sunday was always a family day out be it long county walks, zoo or what ever. Despite all this, I cannot understand why stbx has denied our eldest whatsapp..after all, its all there and recorded. She has done it out of spite and perhaps jealousy because the fact is that not only can I cope without her, I excel. My boys had a riot, ate correctly, had boundaries, manners, and so on but they had FUN. I am struggling again but in a different way. I feel useless. I want to shake my L into life...fight for me !
Man this is hard. It's like hundreds of battles all at once.


me45,W43 S9,S5
T15yrs M10yrs
BD 4/07/15
W wants D 4/07/15
W filed 8/05/15
D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas,
W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,952
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 1,952
well, the inevitable always happens. Dropped boys off on time outside a supermarket as 'ordered'. I'd got my eldest a new phone sim card to use on an old phone I had so we could text and share pics etc. he was over the moon to have whatsapp etc. The last message I got was him in tears because it was taken away from him by her for absolutely no reason at all.
Im not saying that this isnt true. But I know I felt a lot of injustice at 9 about things I didnt think were fair. Just take care not to go off on her based on the words of a 9 year old.

She is also denying me access again this week and it is half term.
Id like to understand this a bit more as Im not sure youve said. What exactly do you mean by "denying access"? For example, I have my kids 50%, but I cant just waltz over to get them when she has custody over them. Can you describe this a little more?

I am utterly sickened that a so called good mother would use children as an emotional tool, take away their contact with their Daddy. I am so angry. so so angry. She didn't say hello or even look at me when I dropped the boys off.
So what are you REALLY angry about? What does her not saying 'hello' to you have to do with the boys?

This is not a sane person I am dealing with.
Well. No. Clearly.

My L seem to be next to useless. All they do is relay stbx's demands and I seem to have to comply like a good little boy.
What do you mean 'have to'? What if you DONT comply?

This [censored] so much. I'm not so down as I was but how can this be right. it is so frustrating and I i'm exasperated. She had the bloody affair, all I want is to see my children.
I get it. But she has just as much right to them. I dont know, but it READS like you want the kids, but moreso, you want your FAMILY UNIT reconstructed.

I know for me, I was a 30-40% parent 100% of the time before BD. Now, I get to be a 90-100% parent 50% of the time. And if XW is doing that too, then I like to think the kids will be better off.

Yes, I miss having the family unit. I miss the kids when they arent with me. But that doesnt mean I cant make my time with them memorable.

Page 3 of 10 1 2 3 4 5 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard