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Huddy Offline OP
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Thanks Guys!

With all the stress and anxiety, I managed to lose about three stone, so, now I want to tone up and get to a nice shape. I'm not looking to be Mr Universe, just the right shape. I'm 6ft1in and have a physique of a rugby player, but have noticed it's gone a bit soft. I'll admit part of me wants to show W what she's missing, but I need a proper GAL activity, not just going to the pub etc.


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Whatever your reason it is something that you want to do. So go for it. Keep us posted.

Sure maybe next year you be lining out: n the six nations!!!


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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Huddy Offline OP
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Ha ha Roiste! When I was at school, due to my frame, I was always being dispatched to 'deal' with the appropriate sized guy on the other team. What normally happened was that me and the opposing team member realised that we really had no interest in being used as battering rams and we'd normally agree to fawn interest, meaning that we came off the pitch relatively unscathed and we'd be first in the dinner queue!

Some trepidation about being in a room full of younger gym bunnies, but it's my time, so, I'm going to use it as much as I can. I've found one near to work and the rail station home, so it's possible to do it all in one movement - work, walk, gym, walk, train, walk, home.


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Huddy Offline OP
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I have noticed a pattern! When my W comes on her own, she is nice, friendly and wants to chat. Last weekend she actually spent some time talking to me on the setee. First time she's done that since Christmas. When she comes with my SD, she turns in to a hardarse, and puts on an angry face and talks to me like shite. My next task is to think through why she would do that? I had to correct her today for an 'eye roll' movement and remind her that I wouldn't take being talked too like that in my flat. I did it with tact and nice words, and she got the message.


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Dude, i feel sorry for you, pity, and I am envious that you must have had such a great R with your W.

My sitch is very different. All other [censored] aside I realise now that I never had a great R/M. The only remaining regret that I have surrounds our children, and the ongoing [censored] is really quite incredible. Especially since I have participated in groups of separated parents, my ex is uniquely qualified it seems.

All that aside, coming back to DB snd your post, it reeks that your W knows exactly where she is, albeit deranged. It is no surprise though. I mean - If you were writing a movie - how else would you write her part? faces for places. horses for courses. no more. no less.

it doesn’t mean anything more than that. for how long will it dictate your life?

I am not saying “screw her”, but just let go of it definiing you. I am a pathetic example myself, but I urge you to do as i say and not as i do.

open to R, not waiting!!!!!

(R meaning Relationship with another woman in my case. Reconciliation with ex is out of the question)

-Py


M: 6 T: 12
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hi huddy, first past of the message was cut.

love to see you, but not .... yeah

been away for a few months. tonnes of [censored]. could always be worse though right?

i pity the guy at the end of the line, the one for whom it is as ""worse" as it could possible be.

-Py


M: 6 T: 12
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Hi Huddy. Great news about the gym and it will make you feel better about yourself which is always good.

Good job on setting the boundary with W about how you will be spoken to in your flat

The pattern you've noticed sounds like pull and push , she treats you one way to get a reaction then another to get a reaction You have to stay on level par and not let either way affect you up or down That's detachment !!!!!

It seems W is clearly MLC and unfortunately that's a very long road. Your moving forward with your own life is the best way , your given W her space and your letting life happen. If in a year or two W emerges form the fog then Huudy will either be open to a new R or have moved on

Your doing well and down days pass and we have a new day after to see how good our lives really are

Take care. Rd

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Huddy Offline OP
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Hi Py

Long time no see! I don't regard you as pathetic at all, quite the opposite. Any man who puts up with the stuff you have is a titan among men. I hope everything is going OK and you're not having any problems with your kids etc.

Hi RD

I noticed it yesterday, although I have observed it before, I never took much notice. It's as if she can't show a mellow face to SD as that would maybe show weakness etc. I have looked in to the surgery she wants done. At the clinic she's going to see, a consultation costs £150 and the surgery tops out at £10k! Unless she has come in to a nest egg that I don't know about, there is no way she has access to that kind of money, and no ability to get it.

I am apprehensive about the gym. The last time I was in one, Rick Astley was in the charts! I see it as a win-win situation though.


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Huddy Offline OP
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Well, that was different! My first gym session was painful/fun/invigorating! It's funny how my first hour of self imposed torture was very good for the soul and got both my physical and mental muscles working overtime.

I recommend it to anybody who is trying to do GAL. Even if you don't talk to anybody, it gets you out of the house, keeping fit and helps banish depressive thoughts from your mind.

W came and collected the kids yesterday. She managed to be two hours late (she was supposed to be taking the kids on an easter egg hunt, but because of her lateness, she didn't) and had a little moan about how long it took her to get back and forwards to her current abode to bring the kids to me. I just nodded and said 'oh well'. The kids wanted to buy W an easter gift, so I got some Thornton's Special Toffee for her. My SD came and brought me some marzipan - yummy! Again, I noticed when SD is wit her she puts up a barrier and makes barbed comments, but not when she isn't. Very strange!


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Well done Huddy & glad you enjoyed it! I agree the gym doesn't tend to be that social. People just tend to have their music on and pound away. But it is good flexible GAL - ie: open from 6am - 10pm or whenever.

One thing they didn't tell me (and I think they should tell people) is be aware of your maximum heart rate and work at between 50 and 80 percent of that if you are working really hard (I don't work really hard grin)

Maximum heart rate is 220 minus your age - so for me 170. I generally work at around 120, which is pretty low! I'm not a medical expert at all....this is only what I read online!!

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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