I kind of missed the boat on starting a fresh thread.
Some mundane stuff has been happening and some odd Things but all in al, things are going very well.
Pop In occasionally and read or update but atm things are busy and moving forward. Somethings I just feel to tired to push like the L but she seems to need me on her back to achieve anything. Reading on foos thread about Asertive it's true we often have things and sitches that keep returning to us, in different forms and different locations but it's the same basic issue. Which requires us to stand up for our view and validate the other persons without agreement.
Thanks for the kind words on my thread. Like Vanilla, I think you are a very lovely person and I would love to meet you, I would love to go out with you and share the hills moments.
I am very happy things are going well with your BF. It is really nice that you can share some new moments with someone, be loved, get some hugs and kisses and some other under the moon.
Good luck with your horses. Oh my, you sure have a great time around those amazing and lovely creatures. Just love them.
GG, I hope that I will get to this point sometime in my life, to be so disconnect from XH that I can actually be happy with someone else and have some fun in life.
When the person applies pressure as most do to get you to change your answer, I then reach for explainations
That make you sound whiney and weak or when having to defend the fact I have been falsely accused (another work issue that arise from being seen to do somthing once or occasionally it becomes always and never) by the super.
I need to get better at validation on her side and learn better than I don't have to explain or justify but no is perfectly acceptable and ok if in my best interest.
Pushed the l today, as I had not heard back and the proposed deadline by her was early February. Which has now pushed stuff back again, I never wanted some thing warped up as much as I do this settlement. I need that equipment back, and then I can really soar.
I'm really looking forward to the world record too. Practice soon. In a couple of months it will be done and dusted, at this stage I'm a tad excited.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Also been thinking about you pink, I'm not that far time wise in front.
Just coming up to 2 years, but xh2 had done some pretty nasty stuff including assaulting in a sort of mild way my son. In the previous year, he did one large abuse thing after another.... The behaviour kept escalating for 10-12 months before the real separation, around the time I suspect he was grooming the ow.
I managed to let go once I had enough intelligence on what had been going on to say look xh2 is a liar, he deliberately did plan as he said for 4 years of my demise. His script is pure narc. Once I went totally nc and started settlement things gathered speed.
Bf was just a fluke so many small threads that lined up. I asked out plenty of men most of whom freaked out and bolted. And really I never was lets go on a date, still they were scared.
I don't think scared really goes away. I still have large moments of fear and what if but Nike says feel the fear and it it anyway.
Shrugs so pink just gal and something will turn up. I think the moral of me asking was it was too much like pushing and hard work let things happen naturally.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
GG, you are an Amazon girl. I sense in your words that you are a tough girl and I love it.
I put my name as "Pink" here in the board because most of my family and friends back in Brasil always tough it was funny to see a tough girl wearing pink. That was me, I love my feminine side, but I can be tough as a guy.
Your life story is sad and full of XH2 garbage. I am so sorry you needed to endure his atrocities, his abuse. Why in the hell someone think they have the right to treat others this way?
GG, maybe there are things you still need to work on yourself, it that is something you think you could handle better. Sometimes, we need to see our behavior patterns in order to identify the source of what we do, or fear, or avoid.
There is always a reason for a pattern to be formed in the first place. Once you know what it is, then you are more likely to repair, adjust, change.
Maybe it is time to start peeling the onion and let the layers come down and be the original GG. After years of abuse from your XH2 you probably develop some kind of defense mechanism, in the same time you may have developed some different behavior just to cope with XH2 bad behavior.
It's never just one thing. It's never very easy to win the challenges. But after 2 years, you start having questions, you start polishing the gold and eventually it will shine.
GG, maybe with the help of so many here, you can find what are the things that bother your and get better, change.
YELLING arrrrrrrhhhhhhhh arrrrrrrrhhhhh damn L. More questions more delay more costs. So damn frustrated.
I need to just get this done,
So badly it needs to damn well end. Stomps foot and pouts
Oh well nothing like a good scream huh girls and boys? I keep chanting it will be fine once it's sorted and clear and slower means the outcome is better in the end.
Looks handling op false allergations is what sent m spiralling. H would accuse and I would end up, having to just shut down otherwise I would ensure things like the now famous 45min suppositories rant thus proving I don't love him because cream which was he requirement want avaible at the shop.
I need to find way to be me without feeling the need to beg or grovel or explain my feelings which should be allowed even if the op doesn't agree. I don't need to feel stress I don't need to fix nor smooth things over but I'm sure their are better ways to handle putting over my point of view smaller hammer instead of large truck powered jack hammer! ( to use a word picture to illustrate the point)
I realise now people often hear even if they don't acknowledge and it can take time to process. Time that whole post by cadet time is a gift.
Leaving space for others to think and ponder can change their view, point in time.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Basically I need to just grow my ways of dealing with things to the way they were.
Not the way I have been trained to react. I need to proactive in a more respectful way and more softy as well.
Had a fellow breeder loose his foal over night and today bought some tearful reflection. All the death that surrounded xh2 and me and that year was so over whealming it still causes some light eye leakage. He was as you do blaming himself and he I think has been going thru a bad breaks as well. Positive bloke but I think a tad broken today, I wish I was closer to just sit quietly and have coffee. To just be present and share some of what we do round here that being there support.
Losing anything that's new born is just tragic it's the promised life that never gets a chance.
And today was the first compedative shooting, I now want to trade the Ma clampet engraved shot gun for a pretty had gun! While results were far better than I hope as my biggest fear was not hitting anything. In another I was a long way last. Lots of improvement needed. So the compedative gg is back!!!!!!
I don't like last place, not one little bit.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I never wanted some thing warped up as much as I do this settlement. I need that equipment back, and then I can really soar.