Isn't it just possible that this is a continuum and that at any one point it could be any juxtaposition?
Just as surely as someone who can only do one or the other is unbalanced.
A man who only has a hammer can only knock the head of the screw and the man with the screw driver can't drive in the nail. Those with a hammer and a screwdriver can hammer or screwdriver as appropriate.
I see myself as a girl who only had a hammer, now I have a srewdriver set, allen keys, plumbers wrench, socket set and am acquiring other tools.
So each sitch each moment, requires something different, that which works. Beware of using the same tool (skillset) in all sitches.
Adapt.
That is my thinking, when what we do ceases to work, adapt and change.
That's my thinking and my aim to get the biggest toolkit I can.
One day my blow torch will come in handy again!
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Isn't it just possible that this is a continuum and that at any one point it could be any juxtaposition?
Just as surely as someone who can only do one or the other is unbalanced.
A man who only has a hammer can only knock the head of the screw and the man with the screw driver can't drive in the nail. Those with a hammer and a screwdriver can hammer or screwdriver as appropriate.
I see myself as a girl who only had a hammer, now I have a srewdriver set, allen keys, plumbers wrench, socket set and am acquiring other tools.
So each sitch each moment, requires something different, that which works. Beware of using the same tool (skillset) in all sitches.
Adapt.
That is my thinking, when what we do ceases to work, adapt and change.
That's my thinking and my aim to get the biggest toolkit I can.
One day my blow torch will come in handy again!
V
So I am relying on only one tool? What tool am I relying on?
I appear to be cryptic today, I managed to baffle Fogg too!
I refer to either being independent or being intertwined.
The same applies to being high self worth or low self worth.
Or being self love or self denying.
I make no judgement on which tool you have or want to use. Just that independence has its uses and so has being a stickle brick.
In addition just suppose we were here to learn and that failure is just another way to learn.
Just suppose that was our lifes purpose to grow and to make mistakes, by making mistakes we fulfil our purpose and make progress. In fact the more mistakes we make the more progress we make when we surrender to our Higher Power. Mistakes bring humility and humanity. We learn most from mistakes. We need mistakes as well as successes, a continuum.
So mistakes are part of our toolkit too. It isn't mistakes that are the problem at all, but not growing or deliberately causing harm.
How much more are we loveable and loved because of the mistakes and not in spite of them.
Go ahead make all the mistakes you can, if you need a fellow traveller I will do.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Hey there Jelly - just checking in and really loving the care you are getting here - including the care you are giving yourself. You may consider it navel gazing but really isn't it just trying to figure out the world? I find myself doing this all too often too. The questions you ask about men and time and space are great questions to ask, but I guess it all depends on the man. (sorry to backtrack so far - your thread moved very quickly - that's a lot of care )
I would say that many of the men that I know don't really seem to be interested in giving their wives the time that they want, and seem selfish to me, but there they are still married, and here I am - not so much. I always found myself on the other end of the spectrum and was criticized by my male friends for being too close, not independent enough and more derogatory terms. I laughed it off and thought I knew what I valued and what I didn't need in my life.
I don't know if this is something that I would necessarily change about me, I guess I would fit more into my life. More her, more kids, and mix in more me with that. I don't think changing my priority to all me is what I would do though. Even after this mess, I still would keep the R as the priority. Maybe I am destined to fail.
But anyway - find the love you have for yourself (was there a time that you loved yourself or was proud of yourself? remember those moments and work toward those feelings again). Sure just saying now I love myself may not do the trick, but to build around a time that you actually loved yourself may help. I was reminded of a former me over the weekend by some old friends and it surely helped me focus on at least liking myself again.
Big hug from the arctic u-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
I think in order to love yourself you have to accept that you are not perfect and will never be perfect. You have to learn to embrace your flaws for what they are and not take them too seriously. When you worry too much about them they just drag you down. I think truly the best way to learn to love yourself is to learn to laugh at yourself. Personally, I like the people that are flawed because they are relatable and real and honest and more interesting, so why wouldn't I like myself? Perfection is boring and just a mirage.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
who are the women that you like to be around? Do they say the right thing? Never make mistakes? Look immaculate every moment of the day? Have a spotless home that looks like it's out of a magazine?
Or are they relatable people that don't always do the right thing, perhaps come to work with their shirts on backwards, or secretly clean that spill up with their socks?
I think it's easy to come to terms with being imperfect when you give yourself the same slack that you give others.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Hello my most favorite in the world Kiwi, has the universe delivered anything entertaining today for your amusement? I have the day off and I will spend it creating and reading.
I google imaged the places you referenced a couple pages back, they look beautiful. If I ever make it to Australia, I will make sure I travel through New Zealand. I would love see the stars of the southern sky for the first time with you.
I have decided to maintain a higher state of vigilance in respect to three issues in my current evolution, Codependency, self love and strength of character. If I can get better footing in these three aspects of my life my path would not seem so arduous.
I heard a movie quote and it gave me pause. I am not sure if it is true. I would like to get your thoughts on it.
"Inner beauty's the easiest thing in the world to see when you're looking for it... The brain sees what the heart wants it to feel."
I believe the first line is true. Do you believe the second line is true? If this is true, it is a double edged sword. It would explain why we fall in love and why it can change. What do you think? Is it emotion transformed into thought? Do you think it can work the other way also? I don't know what to think. I guess I can't see the forest because the trees block my view.
I’m not sure if I am the right person to answer any of the above Mu. I am think I am also in the forest.
Mu you do know this quote is from a film called Shallow Hal? Lol
I don’t disagree with the first sentence. I guess I have a fundamental belief that most human beings see the beauty in others. I think there are few truly shallow people who are only interested in skin deep. I also think that outer or inner beauty is well, particular. I don’t believe that you can be beautiful to everyone. I guess that is where “when you are looking for it” comes into it. Everyone sees beauty where they believe they can find it. Potentially that means that some people find it at only a skin deep level. And think that this has to be ok.
I have never been a skin deep person, my life has required me to see beyond what is on the outer. The hypocrisy I would have felt to not see others would have been overwhelming and shaming for me. I have relied my entire life on the trust that the world would see beyond the me that wasn’t my weight. Don’t get me wrong, at times in my life I have felt that having my “inner beauty” seen has felt like the consolation prize, like being called the girl with the great personality, or the smart one, or she’s really funny. I have to say though that it is also likely that my experience of seeing people in their fullness means I that I have met some very cool and amazing people. It means that I met Mr Ex, wheelchair and all.
With regard to the second bit of the quote “The brain sees what the heart wants to feel”.
Here is something in response “ If you want to know where your heart is, look where your mind goes when it starts to wander” .
Mu, I’m not sure this is doubled edged sword, I think this is the joy of life. I am a romantic soul at my very heart, and falling in love will never be an exercise in rationality, as is falling out of love with someone. I absolutely know when I meet someone if I can fall in love with them. I met someone a few months ago and have been seeing him on and off for the last few months, and I know that I could fall madly, deeply and truly head over heels for him. But what stops me from doing so. It isn’t returned. My feelings for him are unrequited. The saddest of all loves. But it would seem an accepted part of life. I currently have a very full awareness of his lack of feeling in return. Do my thoughts to myself change my what heart feels, absolutely not. But my thoughts do dictate how much further I invest him. I am slowly turning the feelings I feel for him as I accept more and more that he does not feel the same way about me. Over time, these feelings will dwindle, and then there will be a time, when my heart won’t hiccup at the mere thought of him. Mu, I am sure that none of the above has answered any of your questions.
Can I ask Mu, why this quote has resonated with you.
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