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Wife wants to separate #2641104
01/10/16 09:28 AM
01/10/16 09:28 AM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 103
UK
E
excile101 Offline OP
Member
excile101  Offline OP
Member
E
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 103
UK
Hi all.

After having a internet porn addiction throughout my marriage, my wife found out and demanded that we either divorce or separate. She says the marriage is over and that there is too much damage done and she can't trust me. I didn't realise how bad it had become and how I could loose my family over this. I have arranged for counselling and treatment through my doctor. I have stopped viewing porn. I am going to see my priest for help and my wife can see that I am remorsful and am actively seeking help.
My wife though, is very angry and hurt by what I have done and how it affected our lives for so long. Her reaction has been to try and buy me out of my share of the mortgage or sell up. She thinks of nothing else but to detach herself financially from me and wants me to leave whuch I have not done as its only been 2 weeks since all this happened. We have 2 young children who don't understand why daddy is sleeping in the spare room. I am trying to do what I can to show her that I am committed to changing for good but her guard is up refuses to try couples therapy or reason with me. I just don't know what to do.


I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: excile101] #2641938
01/12/16 10:40 AM
01/12/16 10:40 AM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
J
J5K Offline
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J5K  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
Giver her the space she needs. Continue to change for the better. If she continues to see you change in a positive way there is hope that she will come back. Make sure you get the DB and DR books for your self. There is a lot of good information in them to make yourself a better person.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: J5K] #2642380
01/13/16 10:58 AM
01/13/16 10:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 63
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Vince H Offline
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Vince H  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 63
Dear excile101 please be aware that many men and women enjoy porn. It may be taboo but it is certainly not a crime. All good things in moderation though. I highly doubt this is why your wife is leaving you though. Sounds to me like she's using it as an excuse. Usually this happens when they've got somebody else or want to be with somebody else. If I were you I'd look into hiring a private detective to get to bottom of this right away. You may still be able to save your marriage. And as Jim said above start working on yourself. Read the books and guides on here. They are a great help.


Me:39 Her:35
Daughter: 6
Married: 11
Together: 13
D-day: 5.7.14
She left: 1.26.14
Status: Separated
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: Vince H] #2645640
01/21/16 06:38 PM
01/21/16 06:38 PM
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 523
T
tl2 Offline
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tl2  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 523
Quote:
My wife though, is very angry and hurt by what I have done and how it affected our lives for so long.


Can you give more detail here? How exactly has it affected your lives, and for how long exactly?

Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: tl2] #2645975
01/22/16 03:10 PM
01/22/16 03:10 PM
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 103
UK
E
excile101 Offline OP
Member
excile101  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 103
UK
It affected our lives because It was easier to get off on the porn than attempt to have intimacy with my wife. This has been going on for 10 years.

I was served with divorce papers today. I was accused of making my wifes life intolerable by being addicted to porn. It stated various times where my wife found images on the computer and how it made her feel worthless and betrayed. She wants this divorce and has made a conscious decision. I spoke to her today and she said that the moment she fell out of love with me was when my relationship with my eldest daughter became difficult. I would shout at her mainly because my wife always sided with her whenever we had a disagreement. She says the porn was a secondary factor although she is using it as the reason for the divorce. She can see that I have become a better father. She says she doesn't hate me and likes me and respects me for owning up to my porn issue and seeking help but says that even if I were to become the man she fell in love with again, she could not risk going through the pain all over.
I love her to bits. I am doing what I can of the 180 and I am not begging for a second chance. I have fully accepted her choice but am trying to think if us talking could evolve into something that could change our marriage's direction. She does however want me to move out of our home. I have resisted so far as I pay half the mortgage but don't know if staying is going to help matters.


I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: excile101] #2646050
01/22/16 07:32 PM
01/22/16 07:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
G
G8r Offline
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G8r  Offline
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G
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
Hi exe101. I don't have any advice for your questions because I have many of the same. So let me say that I hear you and feel your pain. I haven't been served but it is only a matter of time. I wasn't addicted to porn but my addiction to pot played a big role in our lack of intimacy and now she doesn't want to try anymore because she is soooooo fearful of being hurt anymore.

I wish you the best and hope things work out for you the way you would like.

Actually I do have 1 piece of advice. If she has filed and has a L, you need to contact one yourself to protect yourself.


Me:44 W:38
T:10.5 M:7.5
D:3
BD: 7/2015
W moves out of MBR: 9/2015
WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: excile101] #2646052
01/22/16 07:32 PM
01/22/16 07:32 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
G
G8r Offline
Member
G8r  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
Hi excile101. I don't have any advice for your questions because I have many of the same. So let me say that I hear you and feel your pain. I haven't been served but it is only a matter of time. I wasn't addicted to porn but my addiction to pot played a big role in our lack of intimacy and now she doesn't want to try anymore because she is soooooo fearful of being hurt anymore.

I wish you the best and hope things work out for you the way you would like.

Actually I do have 1 piece of advice. If she has filed and has a L, you need to contact one yourself to protect yourself.


Me:44 W:38
T:10.5 M:7.5
D:3
BD: 7/2015
W moves out of MBR: 9/2015
WW files for D: 2/8/2016
Re: Wife wants to separate [Re: G8r] #2646053
01/22/16 07:34 PM
01/22/16 07:34 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
G
G8r Offline
Member
G8r  Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 253
Sorry about the double post. I tried to fix the autocorrect on my phone that changed your name in the 1 st post.


Me:44 W:38
T:10.5 M:7.5
D:3
BD: 7/2015
W moves out of MBR: 9/2015
WW files for D: 2/8/2016

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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