Where I am...

[Georgia Bulldogs]

I would agree with Gmum, Jelly and Vanilla IF you were still married and if OM weren't there.

Since OM is there...the damage, hurt and anxiety towards you, outweighs any small benefit such young children would conceivable get from visiting the hospital with you versus just going with their grandma. Actually, they may pick up on your anxiety levels and have more fear about hospitals and the whole situation themselves being with you.

Let them remember you got on your knees and prayed for her with them.

You COULD tell grandma that you prefer the children not be told about and not visit OM since he's the person responsible for breaking up their family ("their" not "your" family). He's not a hero here but rather an interloper and a fool you don't think the kids should be around. Then - release it. You can't control what grandma and mom do or say.

[Squiggy]

I'm going to hop on the bandwagon and agree to go to the hospital anyway. The circus in this situation is OM, not XW. Check your perspective on that. You are going for the kids, not her, not him.

[Squiggy]

I wasn't specific enough. I meant do so without going around the OM. That may mean contacting grandmother or whoever to pick a time when OM is not available or not take the kids to him. Whichever it looks like.

[mahhhty]

So... I decided to go yesterday and made arrangements. I was forthcoming with her family stating that I would be bringing them.

I am slightly apprehensive and on edge. The kiddos didn't want to go to the hospital at all. I had to basically tell them they had no choice.

If OM is still there, I am going to choose to ignore him to the best of my ability. I need to do my best Act As If EVER.

I'm going to leave here in about an hour. I'll post later.

[mahhhty]

I'm going to hop on the bandwagon and agree to go to the hospital anyway. The circus in this situation is OM, not XW. Check your perspective on that. You are going for the kids, not her, not him.

You have to explain this to me... I'm not sure I understand how the circus is the OM and not XW?

[broke]

I think it is great you are putting your kids and their relationship with their mom first. You are already on the high road, so take that with you and your kids to the hospital and ignore any other outside noise (or OM). Quiet resolve and strength - you've got this

[Squiggy]

I know you've already headed to the hospital, but I'll give my explanation anyway.

What I meant was that the focus of the visit should be on XW for the kids. You being a great father to your children, even through adverse situations. Like how I still took my son to make a Mother's Day present for W during the separation. Was just about supporting him and his relationship with his mother. The R and OM was not even a thought in my mind.

[Vanilla]

You are amazing.

V

[Vanilla]

Let us know my lovely how things are in your world.

V

[mahhhty]

V, Broke & Squiggy. Thanks for the responses.
And V - Thanks for checking up on me.

So I haven't been here in 2 weeks. A lot more of the same to vent about.

I never made it to the hospital. Moments (and I do mean moments/seconds) before leaving, I got a text saying she took a turn and shouldn't be around the kids. I offered to go up the very next day and was called back from going then. She was discharged a few days later and I offered to bring them over then and was told to go, then pulled back at the last minute again. Perhaps a combination of her health and her trepidation to confront issues (me confronting the donor who is also the OM).

Over the month of March I've had the kids the entire time. She is getting them tomorrow for the first time and I'll get them back on Saturday for Easter. I have to say having them for such a long duration is all consuming and I've rarely thought about the world outside of them and my startup. However, as my time is dwindling I've been thinking more and more about her (unfortunately). My mind tends to wonder in her duration and pile together lengthy sentences of justifications and I told you so situations. Perhaps thats how my brain makes sense of it. I've been using multiple methods to get her out of my head.

Over this time only two real issues made me very upset (besides the normal OM, family BS).

One was St Patricks Day.
I received this text from X the night before:

3/16 7:08 PM
I'm sure you are all over this and D has reminded you, but I think she is expecting the Leprechaun to visit tonight. She told me the other day.

Then the next day:

3/17 9:10 AM
Not sure if you did this or not, but my mom is bring the kids by for lunch and I'm going to set up footprints pretending that the Leprechaun came by looking for them.

I only responded to the second one, b/c I needed to know when the kids were getting back to her Mom's.

These upset me, b/c it is her lame attempt at control over the situation. She gets no more control of how we celebrate a holiday. She gave that up. She walked away. BTW this is incredibly superficial. It matters not how the kids remember St Patricks Day 2016 or whether they are disappointed about not having something special. How about the disappointment felt from our children throughout their life b/c of a broken home? Or when my S asks if I love Mommy or if I miss her. Or when my D asks if I like being married to Mommy b/c she truly doesn't understand. Does X not understand anything but her selfishness?

The Second. Was actually about tomorrow. When a pickup occurs on a Friday it is an issue, b/c we don't have daycare on Fridays. She has ignored these situations for a very long time and expects the people around her to cater to her, even though it is against the parenting plan.

As she is on a road to recovery and as she is home. I'm thinking of drawing a hard line in the sand... Something to this affect. Thoughts... perhaps this is too raw.

"I have been compassionate and empathetic to the best of my ability. Knowing full well about OM for a very very long time. I have been given no respect and have now come to expect that from you. I am not a person you can cut out of your life. We will forever be attached through the kids. I'm not sure how we do better, but we need to. It is no longer your place to attempt to control how I celebrate holidays with the kids. You walked away. It is however our duty to work together for items such as Fridays (which we have not followed the parenting plan since the end of last summer) or for kindergarten (which has registration the first week in April)."

Perhaps... Just this....
I'm not sure how we do better, but we need to. Understand it is no longer your place to attempt to control how I celebrate holidays with the kids (like St Patricks Day). You walked away. It is however our duty to work together for items such as Fridays (which we have not followed the parenting plan since the end of last summer) or for kindergarten (which has registration the first week in April). Today will be the last Friday I will take on the burden of performing outside the parenting plan.