In a nutshell H left me for OW 2 years ago, they are still together and seem very happy, and I now find myself in the next stage of the process - acceptance by everyone in my family. They all see me now as someone who is strong, can cope with anything and who is moving on with her life. And that is who I am now. But my adult children have now accepted that their Dad and OW is a permanent thing and they all do things together as a family. They don't speak about it, and I would never ask them any details - I know they love their Dad and want to be part of his life and I assume they must like her too. It's other family members who tell me bits and pieces about where they go and the fun they've had. Not to be nasty to me, but they just assume I'm totally fine with the situation now.
H is now the cool Dad who pays a generous allowance into the kids bank accounts every month and takes them to expensive restaurants and sporting events. I sometimes feel the old familiar feelings of jealousy re-emerging and I have to take a step back and look at this logically - they love me and him equally and I'm pretty sure they wish our family hadn't split up.
H appears to have become the man only a fool would leave. I read other posts on here about the WAS behaving oddly and making poor decisions but it seems to be the opposite for him. He looks leaner, fitter and happier, he is no longer in contact with his old friends and the frequent late night drinking outings that were a source of tension between us for years. Him and OW go overseas holidays and trips several times a year. I can only take from all of this that he truly wasn't happy with me for years and he now is. It's as simple as that. I make sure I'm not in when he comes round to see the kids as I still feel so attracted to him and want to hug him when he comes through the door (which is what we did every day during our marriage after he came home from work)
I know a R is out of the question for me as he has told me himself he is now living the life he has always wanted to live and has no regrets whatsoever. He said this during a heated discussion about finances a few months ago. I just still find it so hard that our long marriage and friendship means so little to him. I still miss him.
As for me, well I am mostly doing great. Not dating but still very busy with work, friends, kids and fitness. And although I rarely post here, I still have a quick look every day. I am still a work in progress and still trying to better myself every day. I am getting there!
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Stacey! We're getting the band back together! We have Sunny, Maybell, Claire, and now you. We need to gather up Raliced and Ahoy.
Seriously, it's nice to see you posting. I know it's not easy for you. But I'm happy you are still around and participating. Looking forward to catching up!
First of all - so sorry he's still with the OW. I count myself lucky that my ex ended up with a different woman, one he met about 9 mos after we split, and didn't marry one of his OWs.
Still - I know a little bit about how you feel. My ex looks like he's living the life of Riley, with a beach cottage by his favorite surf spot, cute wife who is 17 years younger, taking her on lots of international trips. On the outside it all looks pretty. And my (grown) kids actually like his new wife (for which I am grateful, since she seems to be kind to them).
It's not all as pretty as it looks though. First, my ex is NOT generous with the kids like your is. This is starting to engender some friction as the kids see me, who makes half what ex does, as the rock who always has their back, and ex as the unreasonable and selfish one who can afford lavish things for himself but is stingy with them when they are having a crisis.
Also, my ex's new wife has lost her mother in the last year and now her father is having some kind of crisis and had to come live with them. My ex is not good with illness and need and I feel sorry for his wife, as he will probably resent this.
And what did OW win? A man who cheated on you, and could easily cheat on her as well. Would you really want to be her, looking over her shoulder all the time?
Seems to me, the thing you need to figure out as you start dating is - why did you settle for your ex? As in - why did you marry a man that YOU had to pursue, rather than a man who thought the world of you and couldn't wait to make you his wife?
I ask because I experienced some of that - my ex was 4 years younger than I, and ambivalent about marriage - but he wouldn't let me move on either so he proposed. Then he cheated early in our marriage, and again 15 years later, and finally left after 24 years.
In retrospect, I let MY neediness override the big red flags around my ex when we were first together. Now that I am with a man who treats me with proper kindness and caring, I can see more of what was missing from my relationship with my ex.
Stacey! We're getting the band back together! We have Sunny, Maybell, Claire, and now you. We need to gather up Raliced and Ahoy.
Sunny- I'm here and could probably handle a tambourine or triangle. just haven't felt like starting a new thread. I wish Ahoy would drop by - it's been almost a year.
Stacey - you sound good. I hope your settlement worked out for you - I know you were stressed about that.
