I really haven't been on since December?? Wow! I will say I have been busy working two jobs, around 70 hours a week and keeping up with the kids. .I have been doing the 2 job gig for about two and a half years. The house has suffered as I have maintained status quo. Cooking meals, doing dishes, laundry, vacuuming and the like. Sadly I never made the kids do set chores, as we were all receiving from the divorce Just all the rest has accumulated into a mess.
I have been tired. Every once and a while the kids will pitch in. Long story short, Tuesday night the girls are dropped off from seeing their Dad. My D18 asks if we can talk, says D16 doesn't want to be here and asks if she can clean for me. I was taken aback, thought D16 was talking about going to her Dad's, just didn't really know what this meant. Then my S21 calls and decides to come over to pick up D16. I went into wounded animal mode, started crying, asked him to stop trying to control what I do type of stuff. Asked him to leave. Anyway the whole thing was an emotional mess, I can't remember really what was said but know that I lashed out.
I am so emotionally drained right now on top of my constant exhausted state. So many things that I should have done differently. I know it will take time to get things to fall back into order but at the moment, I feel betrayed and hurt and angry at my son, who brought my ex into this, and angry at my shortcomings.
My daughter in law hopped in with her criticism too, and so I have lost a lot of warm and fuzzy feelings towards them. I am looking for advice on to mend all the bridges and get my house back on track with all the hours I work. Not much extra money around but figuring out how to make it all happen.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am so sorry Kat, you are doing the work of 5 people right now and we all have a breaking point. You had yours and maybe there are things you could have done differently, but we all have reactions exactly in an emotional and exhausted state.
Have your spoken to D16 as to why she doesn't want to be there?
Perhaps this is the time now to set some boundaries on chores. Set a schedule for chores and let them know everyone needs ot work as a team because you cannot possibly work 70 hours a week and maintain a household and take care of everyone. It really is not possible without losing it at some point.
you have taken all the real responsibility since the divorce, now it's time to spread some maybe? One day they will look back and see it.
I give you much credit for all you do. A 40 hour work week, school, one child and a household to upkeep. I had to hire a cleaning service once a month I can barely afford.
I had to start early on with D9 and the chores because I simply could not keep it all up alone. She is responsible for her own laundry, straightening up, and unloading what she can from the dishwasher and clearing the table.
Please don't beat yourself up. You are an amazing mom holding it all together for your kids. One day, S21 ill realize all it takes into running a full household.
Thanks. I just hated to put more on them while we were still dealing. Sadly when they do help it is when they want to. As for D18 helping, 2 days and she hasn't. D16 said because it was messy. S21 put it all on me and said the house has been messy, I need to fix this. Thing is I have been doing bit by bit for quite a while but it isn't going to be done overnight. I just can't do it alone.
My D16 tries to help more but it just isn't enough to keep up. Just frustrating. Oh and child support ends for D18 at the end of the month. So this extra is covering that and Father's Day and a bill or two with the overtimeI have worked for the past 10 days.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am back again. Just got the bomb dropped this week that my youngest wants to go live with her Dad. I am heart broken. I suppose at the same time, it will give him the opportunity to "see" the issues for himself that she has instead of just ignoring them.
Maybe it will give me a break from handling when she goes around and around in circles on the same subject. My ex doesn't feel it is necessary to test her for Asperger's though I am sure she has it. I had wanted to figure out ways to help her handle it better but since ex has her on his insurance, it won't help me wanting to get it looked into. I can't afford the testing without insurance.
I am stressed and sad all at once. Mostly venting I suppose.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
