H has not seen the kids since September. (with exception of S22 meeting him 3 weeks ago). 2 of the kids are starting to feel mixed emotions. They feel sorry for their dad A few months ago I would have encouraged them to see him - now I am trying to stay very neutral
Do not contact him. Your children are old enough they can contact him if they want, and he can contact them. Everyone has their own phone, right? Not your job anymore. You were fired, remember. I am drinking right now so take my advice accordingly. Well meant with love but under the influence.
Pho - you are so much fun - I read on your thread you were having wine I think I will join you. What are you waiting on H for? Are you suppose to discuss something?
No discussions, he's been away for a few days and I needed the wine to deal with his reappearance. Because I am in the hate, ummm, I mean anger phase of my healing.
Wine helps. I started drinking at 6:20 expecting him home at 6:30 but he got stuck in traffic and by the time he got home I was half a bottle in and I am really pretty buzzed. I get hilarious when drinking, my humor knows no bounds, and its not a good combination with DB'ing. I don't know what I am going to say or do next. I think I am going to send these kids to bed and go to bed myself before I screw things up royally. I might pick a fight or profess my love, you never know.
Also my therapist today told me to be assertive so newfound unpracticed assertiveness combined with wine is probably a terrible combination. Somebody save me from myself. If he had come home on time I'd have only had one glass and I'd be mellow.
Do I a) ignore b) tell him to ask the kids. c) say sure and then no one will be home Two of the kids are working thurs night. One still at school writing exams the oldest will not be home if H shows up (his feelings/position right now) so it would just leave youngest son. H doesn't know when or where the kids work - he tells no one about his life shy should I/we inform him of ours.
If it's to see the kids, tell him to ask them. If they're okay with it, you'll be happy to clear out for a few hours so that he can spend some time with them. If he asks why you're not staying, just say that you're not interested in a friendship with him. As long as he's with OW, he won't be with you. Sounds like he's trying to set up a cake-eating situation.
I'd let him know they're busy on Thursday night and he should coordinate it with them. If it doesn't work out for Thursday, he's welcome to set up a dinner night with them on a different night. You just need to know which one, so that you can make plans.
Let me try that again. I wouldn't ignore him. I would ask why he wants to come make dinner. If it's for the kids, go with the above. If it's something to do with you, we'll have to come up with a response. If he wants to see you, then use the "not interested in a friendship" part of the script.
Jpeg, I think you need more info before you can really answer. Like Ancaire mentioned is his plan to see you or the kids?
My personal approach (and please remember to take it with a grain of salt) is to not ignore him or say yes and not tell him the kids won't be home. Both seem passive aggressive to me. I leave it up to you for your response if he wants to have dinner with only you. My only recommendation is to keep your reply consistent with what you've already been telling him. oh, and make sure you are direct without any beating around the bush.
Also, does making dinner hold any significance to him? He could have said he was going to bring carry out or meet the family at a restaurant...
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
