Which idiot on this forum invited H to come spend time at home with the kids on Christmas?
This idiot!!! I don't know wtf I was thinking, other than the kids are so darned sad, and H hasn't been making much of an effort to see them, since they upset him by being unhappy with his actions.
The kids are so happy dad is coming, I can hardly back out now. Things I did right: I invited him to come over a good hour after the kids are already here. I set a time limit. I made sure he knew that the kids wanted to see him, the invitation was not for me.
I hate that I'm so kind sometimes. I just felt like it was the right thing to do, by my measuring stick of how I hope others will treat me. This man has been so cruel to me - and how do I respond? I invite him over for Christmas!
It's a done deal at this point. The kids are happy, and that was what I hoped to achieve. It will be the last time I extend an invitation, though. I plan to make him feel like a guest - no helping me, no efforts to play the host.
I plan to stay busy and far away from H. It's only for 2 hours, so I can manage that long with plenty of others in the house. I'm still shaking my head at myself, though. How is he going to experience not being part of the family with me inviting him over? Argh!At least he'll have to see me in action, with the kids, and get a bird's eye view of just what he is giving up.
No more invitations from me, I swear. New Year's Eve will be the worst. Last year, he gave me a kiss that knocked my socks off. This year...I don't think I should borrow trouble by thinking about that yet. I'll probably be right here, posting. Probably the smartest thing for me to do.
Which idiot on this forum invited H to come spend time at home with the kids on Christmas?.... I don't know wtf I was thinking, other than the kids are so darned sad, and H hasn't been making much of an effort to see them, since they upset him by being unhappy with his actions.
Ok... I've only read a little on your thread. On him coming over... will there be other adults there? If not, I'd suggest inviting them over or changing the venue to anywhere else.
If he's as angry as he sounded a few posts back. Be cautious. You're in a legal battle and he will be looking to get leverage. Do not trust him to behave and you'd want witnesses to anything that happens.
For the kids... Make sure they know you love them. That you're there for them. It's not your responsibility to make things right between the EX and them. It's his. Do not cover for him or make excuses. You also shouldn't put him down or attack him (its hard I know). Always take the high road with the kids and their dad (don't put up with crap either, but be respectful about it). They'll respect you more for it and think of what you're teaching them.
Just my 2 cents...
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
It's your last Christmas together as a family. Make the best of it but do it in a way that keeps your stress to a minimum. I would avoid being alone in a room alone with him. I know I sound paranoid but I would not drink anything he offers you. Sorry but your my friend and I don't trust him.
Ancaire, this just shows the quality person that you are. I am sure that you H will be on his best behavior in front of the kids, but in the event he starts to push your bottons, you need to ask him to leave immediately. If he refuses, then you need to remove yourself from the situation. I doubt that will happen, but best to be prepared.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Judy, you're an awesome lady. It shows class to do what you are doing. I agree h will be on his best behavior.
How about having a gift wrapped for someone you know. And if you start to feel uncomfortable, you can always make the excuse that you need to run it to your neighbor, lawyer, banker, whatever. It can give you an escape, even if you just drive to a park and sit for a whike to clear your head. Doesn't even need to be anything in the box.
Just an idea.
Merry Christmas eve eve!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
These are all excellent ideas, and I plan to act on each.
He won't be handing me any drinks, that's for sure! Since I've given up alcohol, it really shouldn't be an issue - since I drink water constantly.
I will make up an errand to get out if I need to. Chances are though, the kids are not going to let him corner me anywhere. Due to his behavior towards me, I've had to let them know at times - especially when someone had to come over and stay with me to make sure he stayed out.
I can excuse myself to my room, if needed. I really think he's going to be on his best behavior, though. He used to adore his children, and though he may be distant these days, I doubt that has changed much. I know the kids appreciated me inviting him. They were so happy I made the gesture. I plan to just enjoy my company, with one exception, and have a really good time. I hope I don't cry, though, with the ever present thought of "last Christmas together" running through my mind. I hope to stay so busy, I can't hear my own thoughts!
I plan to be on my best behavior. The kids are not going to see me acting in any way other than cheerful, relaxed, and happy. That is my plan.
*By the way - the youngest of my "kids" are 19! It's just this momma's heart that still sees them as youngsters. The adult children are truly aware of quite a bit that has occurred. I had to let them know, for my safety.
Judy, I think you need to go to the animal shelter today and adopt a german shepherd or doberman or some other big dog and feed him bacon out of your hands all day until that dog will not leave your side and will protect his "mom".
You can chat with me while he is there if you need to.
Fo, you crack me up! That's all I need...a new mouth to feed and shelter, when I don't even know where I'm going. I have to leave my pets! I HATE that. I can't take them to my moms. I don't know how long it will be. I despise the idea of any of H's goons even looking at, much less petting, one of my fur-babies, yet I have no choice at all.
My cats are special. I have two of them. They are British Shorthairs, a breed I admired forever. One Mother's Day, H, me, and the twins went on a road trip to California to pick up my kittens! Best Mother's Day ever. And now I have to leave them with H. He's so smug about it. (He likes my cats, too.) I'm as mad at him about my pets as I am everything else! LOL
And my puppy! Cute, white curly haired Bichon Frise. Most cheerful, loving dog ever born. I love, love, LOVE my fur-babies. My twins are the official guardians, but they're going to stay with H a while longer to save money, so H will still have access. Funny that the pet angle is what really gets my blood boiling.
One day...somehow, someway, I will get my babies back.
You can do this Judy. You dont have to be cold just be more interested in everything else in the room. Pick at lint from your pants if he tries to engage you. I am with a few others. I don't trust this for one second. It feels like a trap. I dont know, it just feel wrong.
You are not responsible to keep him entertained. So dont! Silence will be golden when it comes to dealing with him.
He is going to try to bait you. He will do it subtly, but he wont stop until you react. Keep warning yourself about this!
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Will do! I really don't plan to speak with him at all, other than a "hello", perhaps. I've got lots of children he should be busy with, since they are the reason he found himself the lucky recipient of an invitation to join his family.
I haven't spoken with him for over a week now! I'm really proud of that fact. A few text exchanges for important information - but when he's attempted to bait me via text, I just use the powerful weapon called IGNORE.
I really am getting it. I'm so upset with him over the kids, the pets, and his treatment of me that it makes it fairly easy to just let him go. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone I have to beg to stay. He needs to want to be there, or he can go away.
I'm certain I will be just fine - but if my blood starts to boil for any reason, I plan to come here and vent here, first. That alone could have saved me so much heartache in the past. I learn from my mistakes. No reacting! Aloof, yet kind - I feel good with that plan.
