So I had been contemplating a new name for my situation, but in light of todays events and my feelings I still need it to remain the same.
I had really thought I was making progress. While I know I have, I realized today I for some reason had not let go. The reality of there most likely being someone else involved was thrown in my face and I am spun.
I know I am more than capable of finding someone else but I have no desire to. Not because I am not ready but because I want my W still instead.
How long can this possibly take!!She has ripped our family apart, not the same person anymore, doesn't treat the kids the same, and most likely in an EA at the least.
What would make me still want her?!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
otw Let Go! I am of course struggling with this too. I believe we all are. I have to tell myself over and over again " she chose OM, I confronted her, was willing to work on M, willing to forgive and she continued to chose OM. She then moved onto a 2nd and most likely a 3rd. She continues to chose OM over me, our M, our children, our family. I can not control her choices nor will I be responsible for them. She is not the woman I M and I do not want her the way she is"
A couple weeks ago I had 3 days were I was really depressed. I finally slapped myself around a bit and started being thankful for everything I do have. WW is the only bad part of my life. I started listing all the upgrades I'm going to make to the house if/when our D finalizes and she moves out.
Our wives are gone. They will never be the same as they were and once we are through this process we probably wouldn't want them the way they were. You don't want her. You want what you thought she was. She wasn't. The wife you want would never have betrayed you. She may still become this person but that is in the future. Look ahead and not behind.
Let Go! Detach! Be a better you! Continue moving forward with your life. She may catch up.......she may not. If she doesn't you don't want her.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Sorry you are going through this otw. You are definately not alone.
I remember when my ex-wife (not the relationship I DB'd) started dating after we seperated. Talk about a kick in the n*ts. That really spun me out.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions because that's how you will get through them. Each tear you cry is another step towards detachment. Before long, you become immune to the pain. That's when you'll know you are detached.
Btw.. after I dropped the rope with my ex-wife, she dumped the OM and came crawling back. It was too late, I had no interest in her anymore (and I thought I could never love another woman except her).
Thorton appreciate you here. I think you are right and in my hear t I knew I needed this to happen to move forward but I really didn't want it to. That is the reason I have been contemplating bringing it up. I will know for sure if she is honest and I can go through the process. Not knowing still leaves some "what if" in me.
IN the end I prob wont say anything but really tempting.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Otw, if I figure out the answer to that one I will let you know! I think it is a process, so you might not even realize you are making progress until you suddenly realize that the waves of emotion are coming less frequently and hit less hard.
Pho I sit here and ask myself is it just the fact that she doesn't want me anymore and I want her more because I cant have her, or the fact I want my family and don't want to start that part of my life over, or that I really love her.
wish I could answer this.
In the end if it is not meant to be then so be it, but just need the feelings to go away.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I feel the same way. I just hate staying in purgatory. I keep hearing the it's a marathon and not a sprint, I ran the 100 in track so I don't do long distances well.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
2lt2lt the thing is it is my own purgatory that I have created. She left and says it is over. What makes me do this to myself or all of us for that matter.
I know the rules say detach, gal, etc..I thought I was moving along those lines but feel like day 1 allover again.
So no contact for me and start over. Cant wait for the next phase to get here and feel ok with everything
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
You do it for what you believe in, you do it for the innocent babies that need you, you do it because it is the right thing to do for you. Show those babies what you believe in and what is worth fighting for. You and your children will be stronger for it no matter the outcome.
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
you know what, you are right. It is the right thing, it is for my children. I will give them the example they need. I will try to show them this is not what you do when you think things are tough or you are not happy.
you work and fix it.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
