Lou, great to hear from you! Congratulations on your promotion! You are moving towards your future and what deserve in life by leaps and bounds. I’m cheering for you! I love your plan regarding a free course and then some study. I am also happy that you are in place when you feel comfortable enough to take the things slow with your H, but at the same time keep moving along with what you want in life.
I hope your weekend with H will be great. Like we all say here, no expectations, LOL. I just hope you enjoy yourself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks everyone for the Congratulations, feedback and support.
Kml & bttrfly - I have made an appointment to see my Dr on Monday.
h text to let me know he has booked a room and which hotel it is - looks nice, in the centre of the city, close to everything. So our flights and accommodation are booked; feeling a bit nervous actually, like first date nerves lol.
I have a girlfriend visiting this weekend, I have not seen her since last year so I am looking forward to catching up with her. On Sunday evening I am having some girls around for a dinner party, I am quite excited about it, its fun to think about menus and things to make the evening special.
Thanks again for walking by my side, I am so lucky to have you all in my life :o)
Lou - Such lovely news from your corner of the world! Sending you good wishes and much respect as you have navigated the last year with grace and optimism. Hoping your visit goes well and you both continue communicating because that in itself is a blessing. No matter what the future holds I sense you are living well in the moment and you have much to celebrate. Your independence from living in a state of "what if" to a state of "it is" and your uncanny ability to find that silver lining. Keep being you and know that you have many fans (Most definitely me) praying for you. You are my hero!
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
GREAT! I'm so happy you are going to the Dr tomorrow. GAL activities sound like much fun. Wishing you lots of love and luck and all good things for next weekend.
xoxoxoxoxoxo as always my friend. It's a privilege to walk beside you!
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hi all, just a quick update on how my weekend with h went and the days following it.
We both flew to a neutral meeting place Saturday morning, met in the airport and then spent the weekend in the city. We did a few touristy things; went on a ferry to an island and had a history tour, went to a casino and played the 2c slots in the evening and went to a transport museum (thinking of h with this choice) on the Sunday. We walked, we talked about lots of different things (no r talk), we ate, drank and generally had a very lovely weekend together. We held hands when walking and yes there was more intimate contact but more on that later. We made our way back to the airport late Sunday afternoon and both flew to our different locations within minutes of each other.
H was really difficult to read, I was not sure what he was thinking throughout the weekend, just that he was easy to be around, I had a couple of uncomfortable moments but on the whole he was very attentive and thoughtful.
We spoke briefly in the airport about how it went (prob not the most appropriate place lol), he said he had a really nice time, loved spending time with me, but the issues surrounding his feeling of guilt and shame as to what he has done to me still overshadow the desire to be physical, he tried to push through it when we were intimate but it did not fade. He added that his therapist has moved and he has a new one, a lady this time, he has only seen her once so far but she has already taken him back to when this started for him, starting to create a time line. It appears that job was correct in saying that this is possibly round 2 for h, that this started about 5 years ago but he came out and simmered in the middle before hitting it worse the 2nd time. He also said he realizes that his leaving me was a needless act, that I did nothing to deserve what he decided he needed to do, leaving has solved nothing and just ended up with him living with the guilt and shame of it all.
I text him in the week asking if we could talk/text over the weekend if he was free and he said "of course". True to his word he contacted me this morning. My first sentence was:
Me -"before we have a needless conversation, does you heart still lie with me" h - "Yes. I want to be with you"
I asked about the issue he is having surrounding me. He said "last weekend confirmed that we can get along fine, the physical desire is there, just smothered by other feelings, I will be working to remove them"
Fairytale or tragic movie plot ....watch this space !!
Time, time and more time, patience, understanding and hope. If any newbies are reading this - make this your mantra !!
On my side of things: I felt mass rejection and deflation the day after the weekend (even though technically I was not rejected), I had a meltdown in my IC office (savvy thinking on my part to make an appointment for the day after), she wanted to sign me off work, but I said I know I will get through this, the feelings will pass, this happens every time I see him. And true to that I feel calmer and more centered again today.
Other news - my enrollment application for the Polytechnic course was rejected because I dont meet the entrance criteria - I cant prove I finished High school 30yrs ago ! But I was not going to give in that easily and so I have enrolled on a lower level bridging course instead. It just means a longer route to get to my goal, but this hurdle is a drop in the ocean compared to everything I have faced over the past 2 years, so it really does not feel like a hurdle at all ....a minor speed bump.
Had a quiet day today, just processing the conversation with h, know that I have to keep moving forward with my own life and let him do his thing, remain hopeful that he can see his way past the block he has created. I am going to a Sunday Market with a g/friend tomorrow and have counseling on Monday.
Lour, You sound like it was a nice time. I'm sorry about the bumb in the road on the education path. You can do this.
I like you mantra time, time,and more time , patience and understanding. It us hard to remember that time is our friend. This is a marathon not a sprint. The reminder was helpful. When you are talking with friends and they just don't get. They want you "happy" now and don't get everything you go thru or have to go thru in this process is so hurtful.
I appreciate seeing more success on her as it gives me renewed hope my H will find sobriety and his was back to his family!
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Lou, I'm very glad things went well and he is still open to express his feeling/thoughts to you. I'm glad to read that he is still going to therapy and it will help him as he travels his life's path. He needs to dig deeper within himself in order to better understand the "whys" of what made him go off the rails. It will take a lot of time and patience...but he does sound determined to figure things out.
I'm sorry about the class you wanted to take...but you've got this situation in hand and are taking a different one. Lou, you've come too far and climbed many mountains in the last couple of years to let anything stand in your way. You've got this!
Enjoy your Sunday outing. Sending positive thoughts your way!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Lou - Love to read your posts. You are my inspiration for living your life as authentically as possible. Sending you hugs and positive vibes. Everything sounds promising but Job was correct in stating that the time needed and patience required in these situations is arduous.
I think you have the right attitude and are very strong. Just focus on self care so whatever the future brings you will be in a position to make good decisions. You deserve the best in life Lou. H has shown great courage thus far and I admire that he is definitely trying to figure things out. I am hoping he will continue to be brave with his words and his actions.
In the end love and redemption come in many forms. You don't have to decide or determine the future. Just be you and be present to experience things today. Listen to your inner voice and trust yourself.
Hope your outing was fun and you have a good week.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
