Today is gonna be the day That they're gonna throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you gotta do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now
Back beat, the word was on the street That the fire in your heart is out I'm sure you've heard it all before But you never really had a doubt I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads we have to walk are winding And all the lights that lead us there are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how
Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall
Today was gonna be the day But they'll never throw it back to you By now you should've somehow Realized what you're not to do I don't believe that anybody Feels the way I do, about you now
And all the roads that lead you there are winding And all the lights that light the way are blinding There are many things that I Would like to say to you but I don't know how
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me And after all, you're my wonderwall
I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me You're gonna be the one that saves me You're gonna be the one that saves me
I am concerned that I am not cut out for the change that I forced onto myself. That text message from the other day has spun me around a little. I ended up responding to her as I wrote and said that I didn't hate her. I do realize that this was not written with validation in mind, just my feelings. V - I wish I had written something like you did above.
I still feel like re-visiting this and sending her another message - one that validates her feelings more. I don't think that this would help anything. I still care that she is sad - and I know this is her doing, but I feel myself turning back to the old fix-it me. I need to check this.
I ran into STBX at a swim meet yesterday and I let just the sight of her change me. I did say hi to her when I walked by to the concession stand, but that was it, I grabbed some food and headed back up to the stands. I ran into her again after the meet and talked to her a very little about some logistical things and she left without saying anything. she seemed very sad. this saddened me for a while.
The kids went to their mother's for dinner tonight, when they got home s18 talked to me about how d15 is treating her mother. Not giving her much attention, not talking to her, being mean and having an attitude with their mom. S18 told me he felt bad for his mom and she had tears in her eyes when she was dealing with d15 and when they left. STBXW told d15 that she needs to go to a therapist.
This saddens me. S18 said that he would like me to help. I told him that there wasn't very much that I can do for their relation ship with their mom. Also, that D15 may have a lot of different feelings about this whole situation than he does. There may be a lot of feelings that she has that he doesn't. It is not my place to get in the middle of their relationship any more. and I apologized to him. He said that he understood, but I think he wished that would step in again.
I feel ok, but when I have any interaction with her, it changes me. I get sad and re-visit a lot of old feeling. So I avoid any contact with her. But when I dig deep into what I really am feeling, I think that there's some little corner of my mind that still wants it all back again. I wanted to tell S18 that tonight when he was talking to me , but I didn't. I didn't want to give him any false hope that I was going to try and get back together with her.
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Jelly - I owe you some answers from a week ago. I splurged on dinner for nye and grilled some steak and boiled some crab legs. The kids really enjoyed it - so did I. I haven't made a dinner like that in a very long time (happier times).
Painting turned out really well. I worked really hard to get it all together by the time the kids came back on Wednesday night - I made it in time. They were so surprised and seem to really like everything. I have to wait on the second phase of this because I can't afford any new bedding or decorative items at this point, but in time. I really like doing house projects like this - doing this forced me to focus only on this for several days - I felt as if my troubles and sadness were erased for this time - perhaps diluted with paint fumes. I offer my painting services to the db community
I would love a break and to come have some beersies.
I have not ever lived in anything that I designed, but have thought much about what I'd want - I always say maybe someday to that.
Good song selection tonight. Might need a wonderwall. someone to save me from myself - is it you ?
I am very excited that my dear friend that I let down after bd is coming into town this week and asked if I wanted to get a coffee. I was so worried that she wouldn't talk to me any more and this relationship was another that I destroyed. This is the best news I could get abd I hope this works for us this week. This friendship is like gold to me.
peace&love u-turn
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
I read your post U. I am really so very happy about your friend, it gives me great comfort that someone you really care about is coming back into your life. it makes me really happy. I am sorry I don't have it in my to give you anything else at the moment, but my friendship and love. JellyBxxx
Apologise, don't explain or rationalise, it reduces the apology.
Ask to be forgiven immediately you meet as in "there is something I need to ask your forgiveness for......", accept forgiveness with grace.
Say thank you, I knew you would understand, your friendship is very important to me.
Then BAU.
As for W feel the pain, don't suppress, observe it. It's just feelings they will pass. Sadness is one very important feeling.
D is angry, it's good that she is angry and showing it. Whilst not interfering then the alternative is some good quality dad and D time may be called for. Is there a joint activity you could do with D? Just you and D?
Just validate Ds feelings if she tells you her story, she is entitled to them.
My thoughts U.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
You can't leave me and V hanging about your catch up with female friend/former colleague. You mentioned on my thread that you had caught up with some friends who had made you feel more like yourself. Come on baby tell us all, enquiring minds want to know.
It's been a Amy Winehouse kinda day for me. So I am thinking her tribute to the Beatles "All my lovin". Bang for buck!
Catching up a bit on your sitch, the apologetic TM out of left field was quite a curve from your w eh? Thing is you moved a bit from where she had out you along with the reality of the situation may actually be setting in for her. My w did the same last year around this time and it caught me off guard as well, however i was in a place a text is a text, I did not see that as an apology not as a means to make things right so it did not change much for me other than the knowledge she actually peeked out of fantasyville for a second and somewhat acknowledged her behavior..... True remorse, not so much, even now... She has apologized but more in a "I said I was sorry" way. My advice, stay the course, I see a lot of self reflection in your posts and that's where true growth lives, it gets better regardless of what they do, it's our journey and the way was navigate it will define who we become As always ... A brother in the trench here with you I wish you a far better 2016, can't be as bad as the previous right?
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