I'm so glad you're back E, and I hope you use this forum to your advantage. It's hard to restart once you've been stagnant, and that's often the case with taking care of ourselves too.
Please post often as I enjoy your approach to your sitch and how you're handling it. If nothing else, come here every day and vent!
The simplest steps are often the hardest E, but the cumulative effect of them will make your experience vastly better to get through.
Sending you strength and looking forward to seeing you back on here more!
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Tonight was horrible. My H takes things that our s says and does personally. But he's only 4! He got into a fight with our s that lasted an hour past his bedtime. When I went up, he said it was okay for me to help, but then he walked out and drove away. Then our s says, d still loves me right? Arrgggghhh
He's never just driven off before. A part of me felt like he was gone for good. But I stopped catastrophizing the situation and read a book. I'll see what comes in the morning.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
That's really great that you can stop anxiety in its tracks- you've come along loads since you first found yourself here.
That really [censored] that he did that and left you in that position, maybe he drove off cause of the guilt of what he had just done. He sounds like my h, completely lost in this state of mind they've got themselves. And aside from taking care of us, and our kids- there's not a lot we can do.
Glad to here you are looking after your health, look after you. Paint those nails, get a new shade of lipstick.
And please keep posting, some days the kind words of others and the support from here is what pushes me to carry on.
Big hugs lovely xoxo
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I am so glad you are back. I took a break as well, but found that I was not releasing enough bad energy and starting to have pointless thoughts about my sitch. It has been helpful to be back on here reading some other newbie stitches/ advice to reinforce some DB basics that can easily be forgotten.
Sorry to hear that your H is taking things out in S. Just shows the turmoil he is in right now. I know how having your H ignore you is almost worse than negative interactions/engagement. I think you will do mch better when he moves out. I know that really helped clear my mind and detach.
What have you been doing to take care of you? Any fun plans for the holidays?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Cherry, thanks for the hugs! You're right, he could have driven off because he feels guilty. I still have this tendency to blame everything on myself. Guess I need to read CDNM again.
BT! Nice to hear from you too. Yea, the break wasn't necessarily a good thing for me. I was just retreating and staying numb rather than moving on and acting "as if"
For both of you, I went out last night to get my hair done and bought a new shirt for midnight mass. I'll try to make sure I do things for myself, but it is hard having my H in the house for the next four days.
E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
My H has been watching our S this week as he was out of school, but I was not. Today, he apparently left our S with the OW for a bit and took off. This is from my son. My H told me all about our S's day before he left for the evening, but did not mention that part.
Should I call him on it? Anytime we've ever let someone babysit our child, we both knew the person. We also agreed, just two nights ago, that if babysitting needed to happen, the other should be offered first. I could have had him come to my school as it was a last day before Christmas thing and he would have loved it. So mad and frustrated, but at the same time questioning myself if this is something I need to learn to let go. I know my H would not leave our S in an unsafe environment.....just....I don't know..
I really dislike hearing from my S about this.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Seems to me you gave a right to know who your child is with and the fact he is hiding it makes it even worse. I say yes, but I think it is all n the delivery.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
If S knows OW and has spent some time with her before, and if H was gone like 1-2 hours, then I don't think I would make an issue out of it. There's a difference between him getting a babysitter to watch S for an evening out vs. needing to run an errand and just having her make sure he doesn't burn the place down for a few minutes. It sounds like it was closer to this, so the idea of him looping you in doesn't seem like it was necessary. As far as how well S knows OW, that I can't speak to, but I'd assume that it's not the first time they've met if H made this decision, and as you say it doesn't sound like there was any real danger.
For all of those reasons I think it's not a hill to die on. I wouldn't chide him on the secrecy either because he probably thought it was a non-event but one that you might overreact on, and in some ways I can see where he's coming from (although he should know S would tell you). I'd say don't react the way he'd expect you to, letting this slide goes a long way in demonstrating that you trust him as a parent, and that goes a long way in cementing a good co-parenting R, and that is very important for your S.
Nothing fun about knowing that WAH is modeling dating other women prior to D, but to me that's nothing compared to modeling walking out on a marriage and destroying a family in the first place. Either way it's one of those things we can't do anything about. All we can do is just model the behavior and values WE believe in and letting our children have that experience to draw on as they grow.
All in all I think you vent here, curse D, WAS's, OP that get involved, and how hard it is...then you smile, shrug it off, lead on for your family, and focus back on how awesome your life is.
Take care and Merry Christmas!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
How are you? I think about you and my other friends on this forum so often. I apologize for being gone for so long. So much has happened since my D was final in October, but that's no excuse.
Anyway, I am doing well.
Merry, Merry Christmas!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
