Just catching up and checking in. I've been offline for a few weeks. Crazy busy at work and with other family issues. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and wise.
Hi Ancaire. My wife freaked out when she learned that the divorce was going to cost her money. She had carefully orchestrated her leaving so that I would remain submissive and not ask for anything. At the point where she had to start paying, everything became a fight. Parenting time, drop off, pick up, insurance and anything else that you can imagine. It is likely that your husband felt that he could get through this for free.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Shotgun, I am predicting that in my situation. Once I ask for child support he will get nasty. Right now I suspect he is being nice and agreeable because he doesn't want me to go to court. I will catch up on your thread.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
No matter what WH wants cash, kids, status, control, farts, green goo (slime) it matters not at all.
What I care about is Anc, I care she is safe and for her short term thriving and long term happiness.
I am with you, sending all of my rainbow strength to you with your challenge. Please feel the strength and power of these lovely folks on your thread. Your best interests at heart, even if that's hard stuff for you, even if there is confusion and hurt, even if you are not wanting it in even a smidgen.
Through this window extended to you is the enormous gift of Anc and it is yourself that is reflected back.
I shall do my very best to give you rainbows, because after rainbows there is sunshine.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you. I need the support, really. My anxiety is through the roof. My heartbeat is really off, I can't take a deep breath, and I can't stop shaking. I'm really trying to hang in there, but I am just so frightened.
Frightened of court, frightened of H, frightened about the future...I'm a mess! Checking in today and seeing all these messages of support means so very much. I am so isolated at the moment. H is playing more fun games by not giving me money to pay bills and buy medicine so that my credit is ruined and I have health issues. My L is working on it, but there's only so fast these things can move.
I have a rough plan in place. I've managed to get almost all the money I need to hire the defense attorney. I've got a message in to talk to him, so maybe I can work something out on the balance. Once I get some kind of closure on that situation, I'm leaving. Divorce pending or not, car or no car, I'm going to go live with my mother for a while. My lawyer can handle the divorce. I'm going to have all my doctors give me prescriptions for 3 months of medicine so I'll have a cushion at the beginning of the year. I'm applying for all the social aid I can get for the short term, until I'm healthy enough to take care of myself.
If it just gets too scary here before I can leave, I'll just abandon ship and go stay with my daughter. I can use the couch. I'd rather not, but will go if it gets any worse. I've been refusing to engage, so things are a bit calmer. I think the stress of the past few months is catching up with me...I've been powering through, and have nearly nothing left.
All I know is that it's going to take some time to heal from this. This hurt is unbelievable, and the constant emotional abuse on top of it is indescribably difficult to handle. Betrayal, deliberate infliction of pain, and absolute hatred...where is the man I married? There is not a trace of him to be found unless he's putting on an act for our kids. I am grateful for that, at least. He still cares about our kids.
Thanks again, everyone! I really appreciate you all.
I wish I could help you in some way. I hate it that you are going through this. It's awful that someone you have loved for so long could be this way. Stay strong, and seek help where you need it. Remember that your church has lots of programs and people that will help. Wishing you all the best.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
This is severe anxiety, you have things in your life to be anxious about. You and your body are on high alert. Some have anxiety when they have little to be concerned about that is not you, you do have genuine bona fide concerns. So the usual stuff won't apply to you, helpful but not easing. This isn't panic attacks but severe stress because you are in a seriously stressful sitch.
I can not placate you, I acknowledge this.
This is completely normal considering where you are and the safety concerns you have. Absolutely normal and usual, this is as it will be. It is you sorting you. It is natural for your situation.
It will be like this Msd and V both experience this.
It is Trauma, at the moment there are dangers around you, things you have to face. Absolutely that is what it is, I know it well.
When you are safe and the case is behind you, it will settle. I am not saying you have an easy road ahead, I am saying you have a troublesome situation which will ease. It will truly it will.
Consider that those of us ahead of you on the road, wave and call you to join us. This is truly horrible as a phase, acknowledge that and know you are loved and cared for. You have a soul, you have growth, joy and much healing to come.
I hold you dear.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 11/11/1504:07 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Wow. Thank you. I am anxious, and I do have good reason to be. It actually calmed me down realizing what was happening. It's really comforting to know this another stage for me, and that I'll get past it. I feel like my thinking is much improved today, too. I felt like my brain wasn't really working well yesterday. Much better today.
I'm actually looking forward to getting out of here. That's shocking to me. Last month I wanted nothing more than to save this M. This month I want to save myself, and leave H to his folly. I have this feeling that I am going to become everything he said he wanted me to be, but I won't want him anymore, certainly not as he is now.
