My marriage has been on a downward path for years. I love my wife and up until about a month ago she would say it to me at times. About a month ago she just gave up. Not willing to seek help at all. I did a lot of things wrong when she first said she wanted me to move out! Probably 36 of Sandi's 37 things actually! Now I know! She said she doesn't e en want to be in the same room as me and that I have done more damage than I can even understand. Everything out of her mouth has been hateful. Rather than moving out I agreed to spend the month of November away with Family out of state. November 1st is this sunday. I went on a business trip this week and gave her her space. No texting or phone calls at all from Monday to Friday afternoon. I wanted to know what activities our kids were doing this weekend so I sent a quick text message about that. It did not go well! She has always been a very loving person to everyone! I have never seen her have such hate towards anyone as she has towards me right now! Not really sure what to do!!!!
Downward for years - more details? A month ago she just stopped saying ILY, why do you think? You didn't call or text to know how YOUR kids were doing for a whole week?
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I don't think she has had a physical affair but She has sent and received some sexual text messages with a man. She said nothing went on and that it was a mistake. She told her parents that there is not another person.
Can you give us some background? What are your ages and how old are the kids? Has there ever been an affair in the past? Has there ever been a separation?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My heart tells me something is going on and I know the guy too. Its a single parent of one of my kids friends. I called him about a month ago when I saw the text messages and told him he was destroying a family. Since then I have started talking with DB. My kids are 10 and 12. At the beginning of this my wife asked me to get my own place and I said no. Moved into a room in our basement instead. She was so mad all the time everything was very tense and not good at all. She said I am making things difficult by not moving out. Most of our conversations have been via text. She has said some really nasty things, even said that she could not even be in the same room with me. I felt that she needed some space so I agreed to be gone for the month of November. I'm From another state so all of my friends and family are out of state. The day before I left she was actually nice. Maybe because she knew I was leaving the next day. Not sure. It caught me off guard! Then no communication from Sunday to Wednesday when I sent her a text saying that I hoped she had a nice day. No reply. On Sunday I text her regarding a sport event my son had the night before. She actually called back but I missed the call. When I returned the call we talked for the first time in over a week. She was civil and said that she had been looking at apartments. Again she asked me to agree to move out and suggested it happen when I get back in December. I said it was something to think about but did not agree to it. I said the kids don't need me moving out at Christmas. She got a little defensive and said that I would not be spending Christmas with her family as we typically do. I just said that's fine. Tried my best to be nice the entire call. Before we ended the call she asked where I would be and made a comment that it was a vacation for me. My response was that she asked me to leave and that I didn't really have much choice of where to go. Work trips then staying with family and friends. She also said that I could make this easy or difficult and that if I don't move out she will move out with the kids.
About a year and a half ago she asked for space so I left for a month. When I got back she agreed to try and work things out. Neither one of us knew how to fix our marriage and we did not get help. I guess we thought we could figure it out on our own. Plus really didn't have the money. That was a mistake! I travel a lot for work so I can see how she feels like she has already bee a single mom to some extent. I typically travel 2-3 days a week. Home Monday, Friday and the weekends. Kids are 10 and 12 and very active in sports and music. No affair in the past but our sex life died a few years ago. I know both of us have not been happy but I didn't know what to do or who to go to until the bomb dropped last month! Now I understand a lot of what I have done wrong in our relationship and also understand I need guidance on how to become a better person. She always told me that I only thought about myself. I didn't see it until now! She is right I have been selfish to her and the kids. Not mean or hurtful just never gave 100%. That part is my fault.
