I really love your wisdom Avanti. It feels like nothing can hurt you. I admire your strength and hope that you have been keeping well.
I am keeping well Rouky, thank you for dropping by.
Things can and do hurt me, I am now choosing whether they affect me in my course through remaining calm at all times. what I have to be careful of is bottling stuff up so I don't explode as I have done in the past. Now that I see every situation as only have the meaning I give it, I allow myself to not build up pressure inside.
It is taking focus and concentration as it is a new habit, that's what we are here to do right, change for the better?
Originally Posted By: sotto
Hi Avanti, yes I like the Chinese proverb & I have read similar things. I think the message is non-resistance - become the water in the river. Acceptance that what is, is - and there is meaning in the wider sense - a wider plan for you..
Sounds like you are doing well my friend xx
Sotto, thank you for your kind words, it is good to know that how I feel is what's showing.
You are right the proverb is in some ways about no resistance, it's also about choosing how we see situations, there are two or more sides, it's up to us to choose the most positive one, rather than what can be the easy one, that's all too often the negative view.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Mahhty said something similar on my thread when I was feeling down thinking about my H with OW - something along the lines of them not having the power to make me feel a certain way, only I do based on how I perceive and interpret my surroundings. Mahhty put it much more eloquently, but bear with me, I am exhausted today.
I really liked the chinese proverbs. Very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
Just checking in and it looks like you are doing well. I've been dealing with parts of my life not related to my M. Imagine that, life keeps moving forward regardless. :-)
You are right, life does keep moving on. If we try to ignore this, stand still and seek an answer to the question, "why me?" then life goes on past us and we feel overwhelmed and the longer we do this the harder it is to catch up.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
I'm starting to understand that DB is not about the save my M but to teach me how not to make the same mistakes again and how to become a better me. Thank you for offering me all those valuable advices Avanti.
DB'ing is about saving your M, it's the saving and fixing yourself first, so that you are an even more attractive person to your S or next partner, bit that gets overlooked.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Avanti, I know for me when I first came here...I wanted to save my M, pronto! Michelle's book made it sound so easy. Then I came here to the forum and found out it would be slow going and hard work. I'm getting a D...the one thing I never wanted. I'm willing to do the work, for me. It will take a really long time, ok. But the one thing I wanted most? Not happening.
It's really hard sometimes for me to stay positive and encouraging to others. New people show up looking for help, and I tend to avoid them because I don't want to crush their hopes and dreams. DB takes a really long time, and only seems to work for a handful of people. Yes, I'm working on me, and that's a good thing. But what I really wanted was to keep my family together.
There's obviously an element of disappointment in my thoughts regarding DB. Do you have any insights/encouragement for me to move past that? I'm seriously crying right now because I'm so disappointed.
Ancaire, I am so sorry to know that you are in such pain.
There is much direction toward detachment on this forum, I think it should be more about acceptance and gratitude which leads to detachment. Your life could be so much worse than it is, there are many good things in it, you simply need to refresh how you look at things. Take the time to do so and I promise your life will feel better. Sitch's only have the meaning we give them, so change the meaning you've given your sitch and see what happens.
There is a saying that I recently came across that said the more you push on things the worse they get, I have some things going on with my D that a while ago would have really hurt me, I now see that letting them be and going along with them is so much more empowering than the fight I used to put up and would drain so much energy to achieve very little, if anything.
We all have the power within us to create our future's, it takes determination to keep going regardless of set backs, it takes a plan and it requires goals (1 or 2 no more, otherwise there is too much to focus on) these things alone will bring you what you desire.
Find your inner peace, it is there you simply need to listen for it, and it will guide you. Allow life to take you on its journey, your goals and plans will fit in, allow things to be and accept them with gratitude and sitch's can turn round or move in ways you can't possibly predict. Lean on stuff or try to force your intentions upon something and it will create the opposite.
In the meantime, all I can offer is a big hug and warmth transmitted across the Internet to you.
{{{{{{{{{{Ancaire}}}}}}}}
Take care of yourself and re-evaluate where you are and what you want, believe it can happen and start down the road toward it. Setbacks make us stronger, even though they may hurt like nothing on earth at the time.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
Seeing gratitude and acceptance as warmer than detachment is not something I'd thought about before and you are right, they do have a less harsh feel about them.
Without wishing to be all guru sounding, be at one with your life and it will treat you well, even though sometimes it will not feel that way, the highs will far exceed the lows at some point, you may have to look for highs a bit harder sometimes.
Ancaire, you've had you low and are beginning to stop pushing against things that bother you, now seek out your high it will appear if you look hard enough.
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
