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#2617508 10/20/15 02:43 PM
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Previous thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2604048&page=1

That's a little One Direction for you!I'm not sure the title is totally true for me, although I hope I am on the right path. I have missed everyone here. In the spirit of candor, I am still not crazy about the mobile version of this site, so I don't read as much as I used to.

I have been busy and....trying to regroup. This stuff comes in waves. I hit a bar around a gas pump, got it fixed, and now the driver's door won't open. Very Dukes of Hazzardish. My 2 older kids are failing multiple subjects and the little one is flourishing in kindergarten albeit with some poop woes.

I have been working, having some fun with friends, and enjoying my people. About a month ago, I made the mistake of weighing myself and it sent me into a tailspin for about 2 weeks. However, I regrouped, decided my Victoria's Secret fashion show days are over (they never started:), and am just trying to work out and stay focused on being the best I can be.

A year ago at this time, I admittedly had a certain optimism regarding relationships. I was all gung ho on finding someone one day to share my life with. What a difference a year has made. For the first time in my life, I find myself genuinely happy for others when an anniversary is celebrated. A friend is remarrying her ex 6 months after their D was final and I can't describe how I feel when seeing these happen. I think these events are awesome, however, I no longer feel anything for myself regarding future Rs. I really think I may be done. That makes me incredibly sad for some reason as I always wanted to share my life with someone. I no longer think that and I am struggling with that feeling. It is not an ebb and flow feeling-more of a "that's awesome for others and I simply cannot do that again for me" feeling.

D10 was telling me one day what she would like in a step father. I stopped her and said, "those are great qualities and I would do anything in the world for you. That I cannot do." She said, "okay" and it has not come up again. And that is when I think I was overwhelmed with sadness. I know people are essentially good and I know there are many fantastic guys out there. For me, it would be like trying to find a 4 leaf clover in a sand storm-impossible. I consider myself very strong and I do not have it in me to do that again. Sorry if I sound like a downer.

X-Mr. GB? He owes me some money, however, we do get along fine. He is somebody that I used to know (little Gotya for ya) He goes to FB games, tailgates, and sits in the student section. There is discussion that OW wishes he made more money to buy her a decent ring. I wish he made more money to pay what he owes. Boom!!!! Perhaps when she finishes school she will have a lucrative career which will translate into complete and on time payments. I don't know....I see him and I think that was a life time ago.

This is not my most absolute favorite time of the year we are approaching, however, I try to laugh and enjoy each moment with my peeps. I would love to say that I am super duper excited about the future and that would be a lie. Things change and I guess I struggle sometimes with my changing feelings. I don't really like some of them.

That's all for now. XO



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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GB

Oh how I missed you!! Cue dido

I get it... Your post ... All of it. I think you know you and it's all a process , you might not be ready for anything at this point but I'm telling you guys will continue to knock that door ... You are a total catch and someone will out in the work to change your mind that's just they way it is... You are far to amazing for anything short of a good guy to find you... Not the other way around


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle

I no longer feel anything for myself regarding future Rs. I really think I may be done. That makes me incredibly sad for some reason as I always wanted to share my life with someone. I no longer think that and I am struggling with that feeling. It is not an ebb and flow feeling-more of a "that's awesome for others and I simply cannot do that again for me" feeling.

D10 was telling me one day what she would like in a step father. I stopped her and said, "those are great qualities and I would do anything in the world for you. That I cannot do." She said, "okay" and it has not come up again. And that is when I think I was overwhelmed with sadness. I know people are essentially good and I know there are many fantastic guys out there. For me, it would be like trying to find a 4 leaf clover in a sand storm-impossible. I consider myself very strong and I do not have it in me to do that again. Sorry if I sound like a downer.



Well GB- You know I feel like this too. At the moment, I just cannot envision voluntarily putting myself in a situation that could have the remotest chance of putting me back in this place. I have lots of people IRL who think they are reassuring me by telling me how lucky someone will be to be with me someday, what a catch I am, etc etc. And I always think that isn't the point. I'm not concerned about the possibility of finding someone again, I just have no want or desire to do so.

All that being said - I also sort of assume that this is just how I feel right now. And it seems perfectly possible that this won't be a permanent state of affairs. So - I'm not actively seeking anything (and I'm more than ok with that), but if someone comes along in the future, I like to think I have the door cracked open.

Reading about your daughter's list makes me grateful, that for all his crummy behavior, at least STBX sees my girls every week, seems happy to spend that time with them and actively plays with them. I got D7 a phone and he texts her constantly.

I know your kids don't really have that - I'm glad they have such a fantastic mom and engaged grandparents.


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G freakin' B!!!

I have missed you, woman!! (Ok, I confess, I haven't been here for a while either....)

You sound great. But, my beautiful overly curve-conscious friend, don't write anything off forever. Forever is a long time. You haven't been at this all that long. I know, that sounds crazy... but it's true.

You just never know what can happen, what can change, and what God has in store for you. Keep being the amazing GB you are. The right thing will happen.

<3


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OMG... Shining and GB?! Like a reunion! We need another night... old school music and good shoes~

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YESSSSSSSS OMGGGGGG I am READY!!!!

LET'S GROOVE TONIGHT!!


M44, H44, both M before
M4 yrs, T6
BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me
H att suicide 2/14
S 4/14
OW disc 5/14
D final 4/15
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Thanks to everyone for swinging by. I'm wearing organ shifting skinny jeans today so excuse me if I gasp for air periodically.

What up? Work, kids, friends, working out, family...Just trying to enjoy life. This time of year is a bit sketchy because I always realize x Mr. GB was out and waiting for BD. Oh well. I try not to think of him too often (well he isn't around very much) and when I see him I think, "Shazaam! Old boy looks BEAT!" Hanging with the college posse does that.

Had a fun trip to NYC, Santa Cruz, and getting ready to hang with the x ILs for Thanksgiving. I've read where many of you are dating. I think that's awesome. I sometimes think that perhaps because I had been in relationships for 20 years (or at least dating someone) then I'm just not that interested. Maybe I like being alone? I mean, theoretically, I think I would like someone, however, I don't have much time to date. Admittedly, I'm a little jaded, and well, I don't know. It's more interesting to watch others and I appreciate their enthusiasm. I suppose one day I might be interested....I suppose? It's a complicated feeling. It's the way I feel and I assume one day I will feel differently...whatever that may be.

I have found that I transfer one behavior for another. When I think I want to binge and purge, sometimes I will be very flirty...aggressively flirty. However, it is also like I subconsciously pick people that I know are "safe" for me to behave that way...be it far away, out of town, etc......I can't explain it. I won't get detailed because the behavior is out of character for me, and it is just some way I behave on occasion. I still like attention (just like my 5 yr old and dog:), however, the need is not as strong.

The other day, I had the best day. No particular reason. I laughed a ton. Had fun with the kids. Snuggled with them. We dressed the dog up in his ugly Christmas sweater and listened to good music. It was just a good day. And that is what I try to focus on. Enjoying life and trying to be the best I can. I have no desire to "market" myself (no offense to anyone-I know all about the popularity of online dating. I work in tech:)I am thrilled for peeps who are out and dating. I think it's awesome!!!) to anyone right now and sometimes wonder if I ever will. And I just think that for me, perhaps I need to focus on fulfillment elsewhere for right now. Although some days I think I am da shizzle. That crazy ego thing!

One thing I think I have realized is that the middle changes and the end result is the end result. I have no regrets of trying to save my marriage, although occasionally, I think "What if I had asked him to leave on BD day?" Well, the end would be the same. Middle might have changed.

It is hard some days. Some days I wish it would rain skittles and margaritas and then I realize it's this one shot I have at life and I will enjoy it as best I can. Which circles me back to that confusing place of should I try to date? And then I wonder why? Or what would I really be looking for? I dunno. I probably sound crazy.

It does get better. Laughing and being authentic helps (even if I sound crazy in my authentic). Hugs and I am thankful for so much this holiday season...and every day. XO



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
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I am so proud of you! You've come such a long way in a very short period of time. You only have one life to live....so live it to the fullest!

Happy Thanksgiving!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Everyone,

Happy 2016! I am determined to make this a fantastic year and I have to say life is pretty good.

My fur boy has a large growth. Vet kept saying it was harmless and it became so large I was referred to a specialist(same place x Mr. GB's gf goes to school. Oh the irony!). At first they said cancer (my intuition did not agree so I asked for a biopsy) which showed a very healthy dog with no sign of cancer and a giant growth. I don't know what is going to happen with my fur pup, but I do know this. He has been a blessing and I have been fortunate to have him by my side all of these years. If indeed, it is his time, I will be devastated and will have 3 devastated kids. However, we love furry people and will open our home to another that needs a home. For me, life is kinda blah with out animals.

Otherwise, things are going okay. Ex Mr. GB and I are cordial. If I ever allow myself to think, "how did this...???" I stop. Why? Because it is a waste of time. I wish nothing bad for him, however, I am happy to not "feel" responsible for what he does or says. His choices-his consequences. Same goes for me.

D is a cheerleader. S12 plays baseball and my s5 is the ultimate snuggle bug. Couple of dark days over the holidays but eh, holidays do that in general. X Mr. Gb's parents came for a visit last week and we had fun. He hasn't spoken to them in almost 2 years now, and well, that's his deal.

I read here every few days. I don't always respond. I remember when I first came here, I got the impression that some people here felt the need to take the blame for everything in their M. I think I realized that, yes, I was not perfect. There are things I certainly did wrong. However, some of x Mr. GB's complaints were garbage. I think I am better (although some of my friends don't get why I won't date. You need companionship! Put yourself out there! Etc) and I am finally secure in one aspect of my life. I don't owe anyone an explanation for why I don't do things in my life. I live my life, work, go out with friends, enjoy my children, and am just trying to relish the good stuff. I'm hardly a recluse and I have tons of male friends. I know how to interact with males:)

I know people mean well, and I am non committal to why I feel the way I do about relationships for myself. I am genuinely happy for people on anniversaries and engagements. However, I really don't think about that for myself. Everything is fluid and I know it could change. However, for now, I am just going to focus on me and my people.

A powerball win would have been nice, but eh....Hugs to everyone.



3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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I'm very happy you posted an update. I'm sorry to read about your fur boy. Hopefully they can determine what type of growth it is and remove it before it gets any larger. At least it's not cancer. I know exactly what you mean about your fur baby being a blessing, they are very special, especially when we are having down days and stressing. They love unconditionally and are always there no matter what.

Your children are growing up so fast! They sound like they are well rounded in all areas and are enjoying their activities. I'm glad your former in-laws came to visit and you had some fun.

Georgia, please take care of yourself. You are the only one that you have to answer to except for the man upstairs. As long as you are happy w/YOU, that is that matters in this world.

Take care.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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