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ATPeace Offline OP
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Huddy the problem is I am not ready and do not know when and if I will feel ready to stand up and put the house on the market ...I have concerns that if I do this then she could always at a later date turn around and say you made the decision and now I am homeless I need more of a settlement to give our children the lifestyle

Huddy also I am the kind of person that needs to be arround people I fear being alone I am not great looking I am overweight ...doing something about this balding and I am 46 years old I am [censored] when it comes to forming a new relationship or chatting to people.

Please do not get me wrong I just am not ready to date and do not want to be alone I know my w has left in spirit and mind but she is still arround the house I see her I am trying to detach need gal things to do

Huddy please be honest could you have said to your w right that's it I am going I have had enough .....we are selling the house ...could you have done this ?


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,458
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Originally Posted By: Ghost56
Huddy the problem is I am not ready and do not know when and if I will feel ready to stand up and put the house on the market ...I have concerns that if I do this then she could always at a later date turn around and say you made the decision and now I am homeless I need more of a settlement to give our children the lifestyle

Yea, I remember those days. I told WW she could put the house on the market if she wished. She didn't lift a finger. Now my house is sold because of me, not her. She can say it was my decision all she wants, I really don't care. And neither will you one day because you know the truth.

Quote:

Huddy also I am the kind of person that needs to be arround people I fear being alone I am not great looking I am overweight ...doing something about this balding and I am 46 years old I am [censored] when it comes to forming a new relationship or chatting to people.

That's subjective mate. You have no idea what other people, especially women think about you. You're starting the gym, and GALing. It'll happen when it's ready to happen. Get some new threads and new cologne. Get your hair cut.Concentrate on you because the better you feel about yourself the more attractive you will be, confidence is everything. To all Women (and your WW is a woman, remember that).

Quote:

Please do not get me wrong I just am not ready to date and do not want to be alone I know my w has left in spirit and mind but she is still arround the house I see her I am trying to detach need gal things to do

But do you really crave company THAT much that you're willing to stay around someone that treats you so badly?
Quote:

Huddy please be honest could you have said to your w right that's it I am going I have had enough .....we are selling the house ...could you have done this ?


I did.

Last edited by NDY; 10/06/15 03:27 PM.

Me:43 Her:42
M:14
S:9
EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts)
PA started 2014/05/30
BD:2014/11/05
I left 2015/10/01
I returned 2015/05/02
She left 2015/06/10
OM still on the go.
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Jp787 thank you I did read a lot of yo threads and I do see similar things

You have come a long way I see this with your posts

I have many fears I have listed them on past threes so do not want to go into to many but one that really stands out is....BEING ALONE.....I HATE AND FEAR THIS ....IT IS RIGHT UP THER ALMOST NUMBER ONE ON MY LIST

For me to push forward with the sale of this house will result in the above not sure how I get my head around this


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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ATPeace Offline OP
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I am not making excusess I want to gal and detach I really do but I iniw it is not going to come to me so going to book dancing lesson


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,924
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Originally Posted By: Ghost56

BEING ALONE.....I HATE AND FEAR THIS


Mine also, at least it was wink

Once you can get your mind around this, that fear will subside.

How do you get your mind around this, a leap of faith in yourself and others who have been through this.

You will need to be OK with being by yourself at some point. This isn't normally so difficult, yet if feels impossible right now as you are in a tornado and being alone is the scariest thing possible.

GAL can be anything btw... Talk a walk, look at the stars, watch a leaf float down a river.


M46,W41
D16,D18
M22,T25
BD 11/12
W moved out 01/13
Piecing 10/13
Divorced 01/15
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can."
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"I do not feel she is cake eating she does not ask me to do things for her I choose to do them"

My question is why are you doing this for her? Why does she deserve to have things done for her? Would you do nice things for your boss who just fired you? I wouldn't!

Like you I'm afraid to be on my own, but if you focus on yourself, you'll feel better therefore more confident, then you'll start to notice that friends/ strangers in the street will look at you differently because you will shine if confidence.

It's hard to let go of negative thoughts and being constantly focused on our situation, but what good is it doing to you? Could that energy be focused somewhere else?

Just my thoughts Gost.

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Originally Posted By: Ghost56
She told me today that the reason we split was she had changed had become a very different person does love me but just not in the way I want her to love me


1) Why in the heck are you having a conversation in which this would be discussed?

2) Why in the heck are you believing what she is saying?

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ATPeace Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: jp787
[quote=Ghost56]
BEING ALONE.....I HATE AND FEAR THIS


Mine also, at least it was wink

Once you can get your mind around this, that fear will subside.

How do you get your mind around this, a leap of faith in yourself and others who have been through this.

You will need to be OK with being by yourself at some point. This isn't normally so difficult, yet if feels impossible right now as you are in a tornado and being alone is the scariest thing possible.

GAL can be anything btw... Talk a walk, look at the stars, watch a leaf float down a river. [/quote

The leap of faith is where I get stuck time will get me closer to this


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,917
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Woah Ghost!

Let's take out time here. NDY has answered your points well, so, here's my take.

The house problem. Well, I actually brought up selling the house and she said 'OK'. Obviously, this was initially a scare tactic and it backfired. Hey ho, it's only bricks and I never really liked the house anyway. More important is my family. I'd rather we lived in a modest house, together, than be in a big house, apart.

I'm not great at being alone either, but that doesn't mean new people won't come in to my life and who says that W won't turn around at some point? This is where GAL etc. comes in to play.

I'm 43, also bald and not as overweight as I used to be (thanks to stress and five miles of walking every day). I was going bald when I met my W (thanks Dad for MPB) and she found it sexy. Your confidence is low, that'll recover. Let's face it, if you get to your mid forties and haven't gained weight or lost some hair you've been under the knife!

You've got a dance class planned, you're at the gym. That's the sign of confidence. Other people will notice that. Don't forget you've got to come back from the bottom as well!

Go ghost!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Azzork
Originally Posted By: Ghost56
She told me today that the reason we split was she had changed had become a very different person does love me but just not in the way I want her to love me


1) Why in the heck are you having a conversation in which this would be discussed?

2) Why in the heck are you believing what she is saying?


Azzork the conversation just came about I do not know what to believe so will chose to believe nothing that comes out her mouth ...I guess I am still screwing u

I have to start moving forwards


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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