Avanti. Your post actually reflected a conversation I had with one of my oldest mates ( spitting image of Steve McQueen ) last night. He introduced me to EXW 26 years ago. His girlfriend went to college with EXW. He lost his second wife 18 months ago and he was asking me to stand by EXW and ask her what it would take for her to work through this He has a very different view due to losing his W and he has known EXW for longer with me Your post reflected so much of what he said.
I have had EXW blocked on my phone for the last few days and i unblocked her today because she collects kids from school. I unblocked at 2pm and she called at 2.10pm. She asked how I was but sounded really down. I answered and asked how she was a she burst out crying She said everything was wrong in her life and she was really down. I asked when she didn't call someone and she said she did , me. I asked what was wrong specifically and she said her life. That she knew she had caused all this and she had to suffer the consequences. I asked was it money and she said again it was her fault and she didn't want any money for me She then said her car needed work and I offered to help but she again refused and carried on crying I told her an incident this morning which was quite funny and she cheered up. I was very busy so told her I had to go and she thanked me for listening. There was more chat but along the same lines
I think I'm going to stick to DB and carry on for me I will try to open up a bit as she seems to be very down but im not going to push because I think you have to let them do them until they decide what they really want and then if they want to reconcile you can decide how you feel at that point
Hi Sunny. I always appreciate your input. I'm comfortable enough with how things are and think this is how it's going to be. I'll be ok and happy again one day. I'm counting my blessing s today. I mentioned a funny incident this morning and I'm going to share because I think you will enjoy it
I will set the scene , I had dropped off kids to various schools and joined the motorway heading for work. The motorway was solid with traffic not moving. I was making various calls to tell drivers what to do and explaining to a couple of customers that I had meetings with that I would be late. As the traffic crawled along we passed an on ramp and a very pretty blonde lady was driving a Land Rover Freelander. Now these are an entry level ( cheap ) Land Rover. As she joined the motorway she looked at me and smiled Now I'm in my Black ('freshly cleaned )Range Rover , dressed in a black sweat shirt and jeans with shades and my immaculate pepper pot hair !!!!!! I made a gesture for the women to lower her window and I lowered mine I casually removed my sunglasses and gave her my cutest smile and said ". Why don't you save up and but the real thing " She burst up laughing and so did I. She then told me " to shut up " and I out up the window and drove on It was very funny and I think the lady enjoyed it too.
You flirt!! I'd never do something like that! Except maybe at the weekend, but that was an odd exception. Oh and the week before but I swear it hasn't been happening a lot recently. ;-)
Rd, where does the DR book say, leave your S to wander and see if she comes to her senses? If you point me to the page I will shut up.
If you can't find the page, here's a question for you, are you being a chicken, or perhaps a bit silly? :-)
I am not a religious type but this piece sums up what I see with you and your sitch at the moment:
God Will Save Me
A terrible storm came into a town and local officials sent out an emergency warning that the riverbanks would soon overflow and flood the nearby homes. They ordered everyone in the town to evacuate immediately.
A faithful Christian man heard the warning and decided to stay, saying to himself, “I will trust God and if I am in danger, then God will send a divine miracle to save me.”
The neighbors came by his house and said to him, “We’re leaving and there is room for you in our car, please come with us!” But the man declined. “I have faith that God will save me.”
As the man stood on his porch watching the water rise up the steps, a man in a canoe paddled by and called to him, “Hurry and come into my canoe, the waters are rising quickly!” But the man again said, “No thanks, God will save me.”
The floodwaters rose higher pouring water into his living room and the man had to retreat to the second floor. A police motorboat came by and saw him at the window. “We will come up and rescue you!” they shouted. But the man refused, waving them off saying, “Use your time to save someone else! I have faith that God will save me!”
The flood waters rose higher and higher and the man had to climb up to his rooftop.
A helicopter spotted him and dropped a rope ladder. A rescue officer came down the ladder and pleaded with the man, "Grab my hand and I will pull you up!" But the man STILL refused, folding his arms tightly to his body. “No thank you! God will save me!”
Shortly after, the house broke up and the floodwaters swept the man away and he drowned.
When in Heaven, the man stood before God and asked, “I put all of my faith in You. Why didn’t You come and save me?”
And God said, “Son, I sent you a warning. I sent you a car. I sent you a canoe. I sent you a motorboat. I sent you a helicopter. What more were you looking for?” ------- If you take the question at the end and apply it to your sitch, what would you answer be? Leaving it to DB'ing is not really an answer, you are better than that.
I am not suggesting that you become your wife's rescue team, I am suggesting that you need to release a log jam and how you do that is something you should seriously consider.
Final question, in your M were you the one to resolve situations where the two of you had argued and then didn't speak, or was it your W? If it was your W, she's not of the right mind set to do it and it would be a 180 for you to do it, is that not DB'ing? (Sorry, sneaked a last question in there, did you spot it? :-) )
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?
RD, you are funny! I would never dream of doing something like that....but you get away with it every time. I'm not sure I could carry it off in a Toyota Aygo anyway....even a top of the range sporty black one
I was thinking about your sitch the other day and asking myself. Did I just advise RD because that would be what I would do in my own sitch right now? Others are suggesting you may want to lower the barriers a little perhaps. I see no harm in trying on a purely friendly basis. You can always withdraw again.
Another thought I had is, when your W is bemoaning the state of her life, but not actually doing anything useful about it - could you drop in a gentle question or two - how do you think you could improve things? What do you want for yourself...but don't take it too far - just listen for the answer.
I see no harm in mixing things up a little and trying the odd experiment here and there. I think in general if you are solidly moving forward in your own life, it's okay to do things like this.
Just my thoughts for today anyway lovely RD xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Avanti. You are completely right. I suppose the way I see EXW and her attempts to talk are just temp testing She is hurting and maybe she is second guessing her choices but I think she living by them and it's not my place to interfere
I am here for her but that's where it stops. As time passes I accept more and more that she did what she did for her and realistically I played a minor role ( 30 -'40% )
Today EXW called and started crying and asked could I lend her 150 euro I agreed and she said that she had direct debits going out and I could deduct the 150'from the 200 I give her every month to cover a few bills still in her name She said she was ashamed to ask me as she left and had to crawl back asking for a loan , she added that she had no one else to turn to. I said it was only a loan of 150 euro and to calm down She cried for a while longer but I cracked a few jokes and she calmed down She then told me that she was not getting a MOT ( car test ) for her car as she could not afford it at the moment. She quickly added that she was not looking for the money and she would be able to afford it in a couple of weeks. We then discussed my hospital appointment and she asked me to call her with the results. I didn't and she called me back and seemed pleased.
I lent her the money and I can honestly say it was something I would do for a neighbour or friend. It's funny how I have no expectations any more. I do things that I want or not when it comes to EXW and I try and e the best RD I can be
On the note of hospital visit , all good. So kidney is working perfectly Really pleased
Hi Sotto. You are correct I have accepted EXW is not coming home so anything I do is because I want to and I feel it's right. No other reason I will address the flirting part below
Sunny D. I hoped you would enjoy the story I was rocking with laughter as I put the window up and the lady was obviously still wanting to chat That only made me laugh all the more because she might have had a witty comeback but had no chance to deliver !!!
PP. James Bond.!!! More like Mr Bean !! I've always been very chatty with people and would be the guy to break the ice in an awkward sitch or the like. I enjoy people and just like shallow Hal , it's doesn't hurt when their pretty !!! When I was younger I would always go for the most beautiful girl in the club and you would be amazed how often it worked (. I was and so where my mates ) I've always found people respond to me coming forward and when I'm with my kids , they are always amazed how I chat to strangers and get a conversation going. My girls love it especially D14 I think my attitude comes from have no expectations and so if people didn't respond I really don't mind and I just move on
Thank you all for posting I'm in great form today as results from hospital were great