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Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747782
06/21/17 02:53 AM
06/21/17 02:53 AM
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adinva Offline OP
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That was the product of listening to waaaay too many Dating After 50 podcasts.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747784
06/21/17 03:01 AM
06/21/17 03:01 AM
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Ginger1 Online
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Your post made me laugh. because I still struggle with these rules. And apparently I am of that generation.

My last BF texted quite often. Pretty much all day long until we spoke on the phone or saw eachother. He would literally leave my house and call me on the way home too. he is a millennial without kids, lol. I felt bad not being able to keep up and my work even suffered for it. And my girls weekend away was him texting me constantly. And with kids.... not easy. But he established a frequency of texting and when it deviated I had all those dumb questions run through my head.

I've been trying to figure this stuff out for years. And it is fascinating in a frustrating sense.

Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: Ginger1] #2747809
06/21/17 04:53 AM
06/21/17 04:53 AM
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DonH Online
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Interesting topic. My perspective is from my POV. I have someone interested in me who constantly texts me. If I'd pick up my phone she could see I was "active" on a messaging app and be there in minutes - no matter time of day or night. I HATED IT! I've known her for 15 years but it wasnt until last thanksgiving that anything happened between us. But it's really turned me off to her. At first I thought it may be me and the fact she was so interested was triggering something in me to pull back. Yet, I thought highly of her before so it may well just be her being there at every minute just hoping to talk to me that is a creepy turn off. Whether she really was doing that or not is irrelevant - it feels that way. I finally stopped responding.

And texting constantly on a girls weekend? Yet another red flag and pushing boundaries. Check in on me perhaps once a day to see how things are going but constantly? That's just wrong and would run me off. I have to wonder what your friends said (behind your back if course). I know I've heard many times over the years about stories like this where usually a group of guys would go away and a woman would not leave one of them alone. I've heard it less with a guy doing it to a woman although one time where the women constantly called and texted her guy as well while on a girls trip. Less is more. At least with me.

I never know if it's me who looks at this stuff differently or if I'm seeing it correctly. I just know that if someone is there at every turn, constantly calls, texts, responds in seconds, it's a turn off. Sort of like DB says


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: DonH] #2747821
06/21/17 06:29 AM
06/21/17 06:29 AM
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adinva Offline OP
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Yay donH for your guy point of view! It's so funny that it's a turnoff when someone replies right away to a text *you just sent*? Takes two to tango. And the alternative requires some unattractive gameplaying IMO... Waiting till later when the text is buried way under your kids and work texts to remember to go back and write "same" or "hello to you too"? Silly! LOL

Hey who else was shocked to find out what eggplant emoji means?!?


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747822
06/21/17 06:31 AM
06/21/17 06:31 AM
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adinva Offline OP
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Oh hey I hope that didn't come across as a criticism! I just love the opportunity to ask frank questions and better understand this dating stuff.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747823
06/21/17 06:32 AM
06/21/17 06:32 AM
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Posts: 2,877
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adinva Offline OP
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Much better than turning to Seventeen and Cosmo!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747834
06/21/17 07:45 AM
06/21/17 07:45 AM
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adinva Offline OP
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Shite - I literally just forgot this conversation and responded immediately to a string of texts! It took me less than 15 minutes to forget what you said. No one is going to want to date me lol!


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: adinva] #2747924
06/21/17 11:52 PM
06/21/17 11:52 PM
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Ginger1 Online
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Oh stop! I tend to respond to texts right away because if I don't, I completely forget. That doesn't look good either. This goes for my friends, family, and any guy I might be talking to. That doesn't look good either. Don't worry about the games. You get a text, you see it, you are able to answer, answer it!

I ain't got no time to play that game of balancing the proper time to respond to a text. My rule is if I can at that moment I will, If I can't, I won't go out of my way to do it and I will wait until it is more convenient.

Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: Ginger1] #2747950
06/22/17 01:52 AM
06/22/17 01:52 AM
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DonH Online
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See, ginger, that's exactly what I do! I don't play games or think about it. It's much like on here... Sometimes I can respond right away - other times not. It's the same with text but just depends on what's going on at the time - working, driving, on stage, whatever. Sometimes it's right away, sometimes not. My turn off is when the other person is constantly there all the time every time! Do they not have a life? Are they sitting there waiting for me all the time? As soon as they see me they have to chime in? That's what I'm talking about.

But then Ginger said "I tend to respond to texts right away because if I don't, I completely forget."

Well that would explain why I never got a response from my text of one week ago. I guess I see where I rank. smile. (Sorry, just no way I could resist that one)


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Divorced by 2016 [Re: DonH] #2748114
06/23/17 03:53 AM
06/23/17 03:53 AM
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Ginger1 Online
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Originally Posted By: DonH
See, ginger, that's exactly what I do! I don't play games or think about it. It's much like on here... Sometimes I can respond right away - other times not. It's the same with text but just depends on what's going on at the time - working, driving, on stage, whatever. Sometimes it's right away, sometimes not. My turn off is when the other person is constantly there all the time every time! Do they not have a life? Are they sitting there waiting for me all the time? As soon as they see me they have to chime in? That's what I'm talking about.

But then Ginger said "I tend to respond to texts right away because if I don't, I completely forget."

Well that would explain why I never got a response from my text of one week ago. I guess I see where I rank. smile. (Sorry, just no way I could resist that one)


It's exactly what happens and I feel like a big A hole when I do it, so that's why I try to respond right away when I can!

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