I have no idea what she is up to. I do my best to IGNORE her and detach. It's like she is a sticker cling on to my pants leg that I can't shake off. She chose this situation, not me.
And how are you doing lovely V? Updates please?
All quiet on the WH being visible on the turning up front. Bad news? He has made a habitation order to move back into the house. I countered with an non molestation order, I await the decision of the court. I filed D before the 5 year mark, making this a short marriage (just) cohabitation counts in the UK.
He has run out of money, and is seeking spousal support, my L says no chance, he must draw his pension instead.
So it's a game of chess. He turns up in the village to drink in his favourite water holes. Then drives drunk.
He has his own home, his own turf, he may be seeing the fishwife who has an open policy on her M and is many men's dream OW from easy street, she walks like it and dresses like it. A legend in her own drunken lunchtime. On the other hand it could be any other street walker, H isn't fussy these days.
I pay it no mind, his business, if anyone asks, I wish him well and that he gets that which he wants and needs. I leave it at that and just project rainbow love. I am praying for him and that he finds the hole in his soul filled by knowledge and self understanding.
I think of you often and send my strength when I see you down. You are a wonderful inspiring mom, and I want you and your lovely children happy and well.
Smiling for you
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/22/1505:11 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Sounds like your ev is going through it. It also sounds like he is on borrowed time. You however are far above the situation and I love the rainbow projection of love.
I will try that. I know all of my issues are annoyances really but they still have the poewr to make me upset, although less so. Today I just left, I didn't look back, look at her car, nothing, just left when the school bell rang.
Today was kid trade of day. There were several bags of their stuff. I dropped kids off at school. I pull in work garage parking and spot a good parking space. I put on my blinker and car behind me stops, I wave them around and then realize who it is.
After navigating the parking spot, I open the trunk, get the bags out, set them down on the ground and she starts loading them into her car.
How weird is that? Was she waiting for me? How did she know what time I would be there? It was just a creepy feeling seeing her right behind me when i did not expect it.
After the bags were exchanged, I just locked the car and walked into work. I never look back now, just keep walking.
As you walk smile, remember your wonderful holiday, the kids, sunshine and happiness. Please put yourself back to that time, step into that HeavyD, the one that let the lightness in. She is there, great holiday mom, that wonderful glad fabulous woman with a walk on air.
I remember that HeavyD, smiling with love and joy for her children. She is connected to you through your highest self. I would love reading this fabulous lady that I think the world of take a great leap to her higher self. She's waiting for you, so close, I read glimpses and amazing insights. Let go and become.
That's reframing, please google Wayne Dyer, if you change the way you look at things. Its on utube, a live seminar.
A little skip and dance.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/25/1507:22 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I went on two dates this weekend. Both were lovely people, but still just does not feel natural to me. It feels forced. I don't know if that is God's way of telling me I am not ready or I am just not connecting with the right people. Probably a little bit of both.
I went to S10 soccer game on Saturday. W was there as was my D6 and several of our mutual friends who were sitting with her. It was so hard but I said hello and just sat down and watched the game. I still can't look at my W much less talk to her, so I just focused on the game and left early. I kissed my D6 told her I would see her soon and then left and sat in the car and cried. I can't understand why our mutual friends left me hanging. But they did. So now I am really starting over.
On the positive side, I saw my son and he looked fantastic and the game was too, and saw my D and she looked fantastic. W was laughing and yucking it up and flirting outrageously with everyone there it was embarassing and painful but I just did not look at her and again foused on the game and talked to ohe people. I am grateful it was a beautiful day, and my kids were there. I am grateful that I had a car to drive. I am grateful that no one saw me cry. I am grateful that I have a great career and that I can support myself.
I am grateful for the 12 step program and how it has helped me reframe my dysfunctional thinking patterns. I had no idea how dysfunctional they were until I listened to others and how their stories were similar to mine. And why I chose this person into my life even though the red flags were there.
Lots of work to do on me. Lots. A lifetime of work and I will never be finished but at least I have insight now. That gives me peace of mind.
Sorry it was a tough one, but I like that you noticed the good things as well as the difficult things. Remember that W is likely playing to a couple audiences. You and the friends. She's trying to get to you & show the friends that she's OK & the fun one they should hang around with. That's very stressful & tiring, as well as immature. You kept your eye on the prize, which is your kids.
Mutual friends can be a real mixed bag. Most feel caught in the middle, and many are very scared of the tension and that they might catch the divorcies. To avoid that they often chose one person and try to normalize that relationship to avoid dealing with their anxiety and fear. Hard to bear, but you do find out who the really good friends are: not the ones that choose you, but the ones who choose both and have the maturity and compassion to hang in there. Another mixed blessing in all this.
On the dating, don't worry about figuring out which it is. Just go out and have fun. Be open and honest with yourself and the other person. If they can't handle it or you can't handle it, it really doesn't matter the reason why. It is just where both people are at this point in their lives. Try to enjoy the time out with other people. A bit of wariness, mixed with ability to just enjoy the time is not a bad thing at any time when getting to know another.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Yeah - W plays up the good times, leaving me was the best thing she could have ever done is what I "see" and "hear". She is more outgoing than me, I give her that. That was one of the aspects of her personality that attracted me, how natural it was for her to make friends and socialize. I often told her how I admired that quality in her.
She reaches out to people more than I do, via FB or church etc... I am more introverted by nature, always have been. I have learned that is OK. W used to put me down becuase of that and tell me that I was a bad person for not allowing more people into my life. Doing that drains me and does not lift me up. That's how I am wired and that is OK. I realize I can do a better job at letting people into my life, and how it is not healthy to have only one main support person (W). I understand that now.
Yes, I will do my best to keep me eye on the prize, my kids. I try to be polite, say hello and then just sit down and STFU. Am I still angry, yes, I am and that is OK. Am I still hurt? yes, and that is OK. Will I always be angry and hurt, no, but for now I still am. Does that make me a bad person - No. Again, W always told me I was a bad person for being so closed down, depressed and negative and angry.
I swear, I am just introverted moderately, I have several life long friends, a great career where I manage people and am very grateful for those aspects of my life. And that is OK. I am OK just being me. That feels good to say that out loud. Being ME just as I am is OK. Are thee aspects of my personality that I could improve? Of course and I am working my steps, stepping outside of my comfort zones, challenging myself and learning to be independant. I have learned to stop thinking in "all or nothig" and "catastrophising" and ignoring the positive aspects and to stop focusing on the negatives. I did all of those for many many years. I am aware of my thinking patterns now and that is a start. I am learning to be indifferent to what others think, they are free to think whatever they want about me. I can't control what W says about me to them, but I can cotrol how I act and my behaviors.
I am trying to be grateful for what I have, I know I have it so much better than most people going through this same situation. Thank you God for this board, these people, and the countless other blessings we have, seen and unseen, realized and unrealized. Thank you for the beginnings of comprehension of serentiy.
What is with the increased flirting with everyone in sight? There is this guy who always had an unhealthy interest in my W when we were married. He is married too. At the soccer game there he was talking to W. I heard my W say something like "it's almost like you are naked" or words to that affect. The word "naked" was in the sentence. He had a camera and took lots of photos of the game.
W emails me the photos of the kids that the guy took along with his extremeley overt email "It is always great to see you! Can't wait to see you again! type of stuff. It is so obvious. The guy is ice cold to me now too.
Oh well, not my concern, nothing I can do about it, glad my W has a lot of friends and glad for the photos which were great.
Heavy, she is trying to put on a show. You are being more authentic, if people are drawn to the show, that is their problem.
I am also an introvert, and when H was spewing at me he seriously and very cruelly criticized my social skills. I realize now that my social skills are actually better than his. Yes, he might do better at a party putting on a show, but my connections to people are genuine and people respond well to me.
Try not to get into her mind so much, you'll never figure her out. Keep your focus on yourself and your children, as it sounds like you have been doing. You are doing so well, and you do have a lot to be grateful for. Hang in there, Heavy.
